viernes, 3 de febrero de 2017

Judging The Way that I am Being Approached (Day 161)


Some days ago I started having reactions towards someone that is visiting the house where I am currently living. This reactions were justified by me because apparently they had something ‘against me’. For instance when I asked questions or shared some information, their face would frown and I went within myself “Are they judging me? Probably they don’t like me. Have I done anything that made them go that way? Because this person didn’t have those reactions towards me in the past”.

What was confusing to me was that this person then had ‘nice intentions’, for instance inviting me to eat and things like that. Then, what happened was that I noticed that this person started talking to me more, but I judged them as ‘violent’/'hostile'. For instance they would see me and say “good night” when I was getting out of my room when it was actually morning.

Here in my country when you say “good night” and it’s not night, it’s because you are trying to tell the other person that they woke up late or that they are lazy. So, I would took their words personally. And then again, “Hey if you want to eat, do it, there’s plenty of food. Oh and tomorrow we will cook this and that and you can come”.


So, what I have realized so far is that I had conditioned myself to approach this person as though they were judging me, that’s why I didn’t feel comfortable around them. I realized “Hey, maybe they are just trying to be nice/friendly and that’s the way they are nice. It’s just that their jokes are not funny to me”.

So, I was placing all my interpretations about them as though I was right. Then, what I did was to observe this person. I observed how they would behave in front of other people and yes, same thing, also the frown, so I thought “Maybe this person does those gestures without even being aware of it. It could also be a tic”. For instance I have seen that sometimes people that wear glasses frown in an attempt to place the glasses in the right position without using their hands.

Therefore, what I had to do was to drop the idea that I had about this person and understand that what I thought about them could be a possibility, but that there were also other possibilities that I wasn’t considering. So, instead of becoming hermetic, I would share with them more, trying to understand their jokes and also support them when it came to cooking and helping within the dynamics of the house.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged someone that had a frown as though they didn’t like what I was saying/doing, without realizing that maybe they just wanted to see me better by adjusting their glasses. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken this person’s frown personally and then, I started activating personalities when I was around them, for instance, the defiant character, where I would go very close to their face when they were saying jokes in an attempt to say “Here I am, what do you have to say?” while at the same time my body would become tense/rigid and then, as I couldn’t handle the awkwardness, I stopped looking into this person’s eyes and placed my hands in my pocket and then, tried to get out of there and avoid having contact with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my interpretations about people as though what comes up within my mind was absolutely accurate, without realizing that I was giving value to my interpretations because I had previously judged this person’s behavior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge someone else’s sense of humor as violent, as though they were trying to impose their lifestyle into me by trying to say I was lazy or that I should get up earlier, without realizing that I can also make fun of it and address the situation from a different perspective without taking things personally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand that the more I believe in my interpretations, the more I would participate in backchats and then, personalities will be activated and my ‘expression’ will be part of programming instead of being me the one who express myself out of any personalities that inhibit me from getting in touch with the real being that’s in front of me besides their behavior or sense of humor.


Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself taking personally someone else’s facial expressions, I stop and breathe. I realize that a frown can come from different reasons and it does not necessarily mean that people are judging me.

I commit myself to stop taking frowns as though people were judging me and instead, I commit myself to open myself to get to know them better, placing myself in their shoes and if there’s something that compromises me somehow, share it through communication.

When and as I see myself reacting to jokes that according to my perception function as an attempt to change my lifestyle, I stop and breathe. I realize that people have different way of approaching others. Sometimes people try to be friendly but they create the opposite. Sometimes people struggle when trying to come closer to you.

I commit myself to stop taking jokes personally when I think and believe that they are trying to change or making fun of my lifestyle.

I commit myself to change my approach to such people that I have judged through my interpretation, for instance, approaching them as I would like to be approached, so they can see who I am and that it’s not necessary to start communication always by saying jokes about what you do.

When and as I see myself believing in my interpretations about other people, I stop and breathe. I realize that the more I believe in my interpretations, more backchats and misinterpretations will come up, because I am not question my mind, but only giving it the power to determine for me how reality functions.


I commit myself to release the thoughts, backchats and interpretations I have about other people when I judge their facial gestures or the way they behave or the way they talk to me through self-forgiveness in order for me to be able to get to know them better and enhance our communication/interactions.

jueves, 26 de enero de 2017

Angry Reactions When Being Confronted (Day 160)


I am currently visiting my parent’s house and yesterday morning I had an argument with a member of my family. In a nutshell, I did something that was considered by this individual as disrespectful, like I had transgressed 'the rules of the house'.

This person then made sure to inform others about what I had done and that’s when this person approaches me and the argument started. Some weeks ago we had already had a very similar argument where - according to their words - my behavior was not good.

For quite some years I’ve had arguments with this person. But, most of the times this person was the one that had reasons to ‘tell me off’ so to speak. It’s like we can’t communicate effectively. Actually the last time we had an argument I remained calmed and let the person know that they were angry and that even their facial gestures changed and that they were not accepting a ’no’ as an answer to their request.

This time when this person approached me, I said “I don’t want to talk to you anymore. So, please let me talk about this with the rest, but I won’t do it with you”. Well, I ended up arguing lol. And the outcome was not the best, because we both started saying stuff that ‘hurt’.

I noticed that in that moment where I was like “I haven’t done anything wrong” vs “You do not respect the house” made me feel that they were being unfair with me. To me it was like too much of a scandal for a tiny thing - tiny according to me, but a big deal to them. 

Even though I said “ok, let’s focus on the practical. I did it because I feel safe here in the house, I didn’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. I won’t do it again” - I noticed that they wanted to add more and more and going like “but, assume it”, like wanting me to apologize or something like that, but to me all that was needed was a commitment to not do it again.

I then noticed how I started becoming angry and the argument ended up in throwing up harmful words of no support at all, but only making the other person feel bad through speaking thoughts and backchats that I had suppressed from previous arguments.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to - when feeling confronted by X - start participating in a mind fight where I told this person harmful words about their lives in order to make them feel bad, because I thought that they were being unfair with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger when thinking that people are being unfair with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose my awareness on my breathing and just react angrily in an attempt to protect myself and win the argument by making the other person feel bad and remain quiet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the only way I have to solve the situation in such tense moments where I am being confronted by someone is through making them feel bad for them to remain quiet and leave me alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically react to this anger by feeling my mouth shaking, like wanting to cry, feeling my body tense and my breathing going faster. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that X is a fussy person that over reacts and always complaints, because they live a bitter life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in reacting I believed that I was ‘releasing’ many suppressed emotions that I have been struggling with lately, without realizing that I was only participating in a sort of verbal diarrhea by speaking up my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that X deserved being treated the way I treated them, because of me always feeling like the person to be criticized by them throughout all these years. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think and believe that X is someone who lives in a bubble because they have been pampered from childhood up to now and that they need to live more and have more experiences because their hermetic and lonely life make them become unhappy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged X as a jealous and toxic person that needs to learn more about life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to walk away and isolate myself from my family, when actually the problem is not my family, but the relationship I have with this particular individual that lives here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that X is an abusive person that takes advantage of others and then hypocritically claims that they stand for the rules of the house when in fact they do not even take care of their pets by cleaning their poops and pee.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gone into this mind state where I only see the faults of this individual, without realizing that in doing so, I am acting in the same way they have done it towards myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have desired that this individual was never born.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have desired to see this individual humiliated in front of me, as though that would make me feel better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have desired to see this person fail in their life projects so I can go and tell them “see where your behavior took you” in an attempt to make them realize that they are ‘wrong’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have always participated in a relationship of friction with this person and even though I tried changing myself, I noticed that this person, instead of seeing me as giving a step back, they though that I was only ‘accepting’ their behavior, when actually I was avoiding conflict by suppressing what was on my mind when this being was always complaining in front of me - but that led me into frustration instead of walking through it and continue finding ways to let this person know in a ‘nice way’ that they were fucking it up, so to speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project all the friction and anger that was created into everyone else, without realizing that in doing so, I am going into absolutes which limit my ability to see reality and acting practically.

Self-Commitment Statements

When and as I see myself being confronted about my behavior, I stop and breathe. I realize that being confronted is not something ‘cool’ so to speak, especially if the person who is confronting me is someone with whom I have a long history of arguments and that instead of falling into the mind game of friction, I can just ask them to stay away and then only talk with the ‘people in charge’ or also listen to them, but remaining grounded and focused on my breathing so I can stand stable and avoiding a reaction or just say “look, I don’t feel well right now. Let’s discuss it later”. 

I commit myself to focus on my breathing when being confronted, so I can remain here as every breath and not go into an emotional reaction by being influenced by the other person’s words.

I commit myself to find ways in which I can become more grounded when being confronted, so I can avoid the conflict and then agree on talking about the issue later once everyone is more calmed down and not only going into honesty as speaking up what emerges within the mind.

When and as I see myself reacting angrily where I want to throw harmful words, I stop and breathe. I realize that what I am doing is only making everything worse, because I am not respecting myself by doing that and neither the other person.

I commit myself to stop using harmful words when participating in arguments, because I realize that every word I speak functions as a seed that goes into the other person’s mind and will influence their lives. 

I commit myself to become aware of the words I speak, especially when I react in anger, because I realize the importance of the words I speak and how they can support or fuck up someone else’s life.

When and as I see myself generating energy that comes from anger when I am in an argument, I stop and breathe. 

When and as I see myself wanting to see people having bad times for me to feel righteous in relation to what I thought about them, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am doing the exact same thing that I judge from X when I have been confronted, where there’s a winner and loser relationship and where winning means to see the other person experiencing only the negative in their lives.


I commit myself to focus on people’s potential when I am talking to them, avoiding to ‘see’ them through polarized filters and thus, be able to talk to them and get to practical solutions, not only focusing on their reaction, because when I do that, I react in an attempt to protect myself. 

martes, 10 de enero de 2017

From Control to Self-Control (Day 159)


I have observed that in deeper layers within my consciousness there exists this desire for control that comes from ‘good intentions’, like as though in having control of my environment, people's behavior, and how things play out, I am going to succeed so to speak.

What I have noticed is that the more I want control, the more I am out of control. This is separation, it’s me wanting to look for control outside, in my external world, because I fear that things won’t work out. Therefore, the starting point of me wanting to have control comes from fear. And the fear activates because I am not applying or living self-control.

I have realized that the way one reacts pretty much determines the output, whether something unexpected took place or when someone approaches us from a ‘negative’ stance, which means that if I am living self-control, my reaction in relation to anything that may play out in my environment - through my self-controlled ‘reaction’ - will be easier to address and thus, the outcome will be more ‘controlled’ if you will, because I as who I am, will be creating control of myself and my own mind from within to without.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have control, because I think and believe that if I do not have control, then the outcome will be ‘negative’. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that in having control over everything I am going to have a better life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can control everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can control people’s actions. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have looked for control out of myself, without realizing that in doing so I am participating in separation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for control out of myself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the only control that is real is self-control; meaning, controlling my own mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions that create the ‘out of control’ experience that leads into desperately wanting to look for control out of oneself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that control outside can give me self-control.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the starting point of wanting to have control is fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have existed in fear and then, go into wanting to have control as though in having control I was going to feel better and stable.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that becoming stable and grounded starts with self. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on control, because I think and believe that in having control, everything will be better, without realizing that that type of control which starting point is fear, only creates polarity, because it’s based on self-interest; on what’s ‘positive’ to me and what’s apparently positive to others according to the same self-interest and fear.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can’t have control over everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached myself to the word control without learning how to let it go.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that this world is in fact out of control through everyone wanting to have control not only over their own lives, but the lives of others as well, without taking into consideration the consequences such actions create.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go out of control if I do not have control, without realizing that in doing so, I am trapping myself within and as polarity equations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gone out of control when there’s some information that I do not know, because I become obsessed with it and can’t ground myself, because I go into what ifs, imagination, and projections, instead of breathing in, breathing out and realize that if there’s something I want to know, I can just take my time, go to that person once I am stable, and ask, without necessarily becoming desperate and going into a quantum spiralling

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself wanting to have control over my external world or over people’s actions/behavior, I stop and breathe. I realize that when I desire to have that control it’s because I am actually myself going out of control and the attempt to want some control comes from the fear of failing.

I commit myself to become self-control instead of looking for control outside.

I commit myself to live self-control through getting to know my own mind, how to stop my participation in thoughts, emotions and feelings, and also through self-writing, which is the best way to change my own mind.

When and as I see myself going out of control because I desperately want to control something/someone, I stop and breathe. I realize that in that moment I have to breathe and calm myself down, because I am not living self-control, that’s why I want to look for it outside.

I commit myself to remind myself that the only control that is real is self-control and that no matter how hard I try, it’s impossible for me to have absolute control over situations/people’s behavior.

I commit myself to live self-control and make it a part of myself, because in doing so, I become a living example of the word control from where other people can also see and learn instead of me trying to change their minds from the starting point of fear of failing.

When and as I see myself becoming obsessed/desperate and going into a quantum spiraling when I do not know specific information about something/someone, I stop and breathe. I realize that in that moment I have lost absolute control of myself, because I have become obsessed, in fear, going into imaginations, and projections, like saying “Mind, you take responsibility for me”, instead of me standing up and direct my inner reality so I can see the outside more clearly; for what it is and not for what my mind thinks it is.

I commit myself to calm myself down through breathing when I am becoming obsessed and desperate because I do not know specific information about something/someone.

I commit myself to write down or sound self-forgiveness when I see myself participating in the desire for control over things/people. 


I commit myself to place the focus on myself in order to start developing self-control through knowing how to deal with my own mind instead of wanting to control others’.

I commit myself to stop thinking and believing that I can control things/people’s behavior. 

lunes, 26 de diciembre de 2016

Energy-Based Relationships (Day 158)


Today I woke up with this feeling of loss, like I ‘had’ something that I was somehow losing. I realized that it’s energy. It’s the positive energy that I have been unconsciously creating within myself by spending time with X.

The way this came up was as fear; fear of losing, but more specifically, fear of not being ‘loved’ or that everything that X could possibly develop as energy towards myself was decaying. So, in the back of my mind, there was this idea that in order for me to be 'loved'/'liked', I required some energy.

I have realized that this emotional shifts happen when I believe in my thoughts when I am alone or when I judge what X shares with me. These shifts happen very fast and I realize that I activate the pattern but I become aware of it once already being in the emotional reaction.

When this happens, I tend to go “This is not gonna work. They are not feeling the same. They are faking it. This is only a game”, when actually the one that is participating in a game it's me, because I am the one who is giving all my power away to the mind for it to determine who I am and how I am.

Another dimension that I have observed is the one related to comparing words/commitments v/s Actions; specifically honoring words, because I think and believe that decisions will be influenced by the way one feel and as I wouldn’t like that to happen, I go into fear and then, kind of accepting that “Ok, this is happening. It’s ending”, as though it really something 'bad' happened, when actually it’s only an experience that only existing in a quantum dimension, but influencing who I am and how I am in the physical.

I want to make sure that energy is not interfering in the way I express myself. I don’t want energy to influence my decisions. I don’t want to participate in a volatile love experience that goes into ups and downs depending on how I feel. I want my words, decisions and commitments to be the foundation of my expression regardless the way I feel. I want to become the directive principle and not accept and allow my mind to tell me who I am and how I am.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought “A bit of positive energy is not too bad, because relationships require that in order to become more intimate/closer”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I depend on energy in order to create something, the foundation of the relationship is unstable, because energy can’t last forever; it moves up and down without a real direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have lost something when the energy is not there, without realizing that I have not lost anything, I am still here and there’s no way I can lose myself as my physical body -  and that it’s my mind the one that requires energy, that’s why thoughts and experiences emerge in order to keep my mind busy, moving myself from positive to negative, like a ping pong game. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to understand that decisions must not be made when participating in ups or downs of energy, because in that experience, everything seems so good or so bad, that we forget the practicality of what we are agreeing to do, plus if decisions are made upon energy, the only way I am going to honor my word will be when I feel that same energy, therefore, if he same energy is not there, one can utilize that fact as an excuse in order to not honor the words and end up in self-manipulation and inconsequence. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions dictate how I must behave, without realizing that I have the power to embrace my mind, understand these mechanisms and thus, stop my participation in the cycles that keep me unchanged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have trusted energy for so many years in order to create relationships, without realizing that that was the very cause that created my previous relationships to end, because “If I don’t feel the same, then we must break up”, without realizing that “Not feeling the same” is the mind/ego speaking, it’s not me as the being and all the potential I can develop in order to effectively address the problems that emerge in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to be able to ignite a sort of positive energy in other people so they can decide to be with me, without realizing that in wanting that, I am unwittingly wanting to create relationships of ego where there’s a lack of real substance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved by energy when experiencing ups and downs, without understanding that I am accepting and allowing that shit to control me, instead of breathing in and breathing out, drop the energy and move on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I participate in ups and downs of energy, I am creating my own trap where my real and genuine self-expression is suppressed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become distant and isolated when there’s no positive energy, because I end up crossed in my expression, trapped in my mind by participating in imagination and what ifs that I literally become like a zombie with no clear direction, but only seeking for positive energy in the things I do to kind of suppress that mind state by trying to forget about it as though that was the real solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to ‘miss someone’ in order to really ’love’ them, because I think and believe that if I do not miss them, then I am not really in love or that I am not really interested, without realizing that in doing so, I am only dosing energy, I am playing with energy so as to have it exactly when and where I want it, when actually if I want to be with someone that has to be a DECISION where there’s no room for the mind and its energetic ups and downs to influence my expression and my decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become obsessed with wanting things to work out, without realizing that in doing so, I am forcing it, without letting it unfold naturally and spontaneously. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have control so I can make sure everything works fine, without seeing, realizing and understanding that the only real control is self-control, where I do not accept and allow my mind system to influence my expression and decisions. 

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself thinking “A bit of positive energy is not too bad, because relationships require that in order to become more intimate/closer”, I stop and breathe. I realize that feelings and emotions will be there, but the key is to understand how and why they are being created in the first place, so I can stop them. I also realize that what relationships require in order to be effective is communication. First, starting off with a self-honest communication with self and then, the communication among all the participants involved.

I commit myself to stop thinking and believing that relationships require positive energy in order to become real.

I commit myself to place the focus on communication when I am creating relationships with other individuals

When and as I see myself thinking, believing and perceiving that I have lost something because I don’t feel the positive energy as I used to, I stop and breathe. I realize that there’s no way I can lose what is real; me as the human physical body - and that the only one that is losing is ego, because ego depends on energy to be able to exist.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I think, believe and perceive that I am losing something.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am here as the physical and that I still have the power to create my own creation as the creator that I am.

When and as I see myself making decisions based on energy, I stop and breathe. I realize that if such decisions are made from energy, then the only way I am going to honor my word, will be only IF I feel the same, therefore, what I need when making decisions is being grounded, stable here, no participation in my mind, so I can make a real decision based on Who I am as the physical in common sense. 

I commit myself to stop and breathe when wanting to make a decision based on energy.

I commit myself to ground myself here when I am going to make a decision.

I commit myself to make decisions based on common sense.

When and as I see myself trusting in energy to determine whether my relationships are real or not, I stop and breathe. I realize that energy is not unconditional, because it only lasts so long, therefore, if I want to create relationships that are real and that can go through time, I have to stop my participation in the mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions and be able to see reality for what it is without the eyes of the mind interfering. 

I commit myself to stop trusting energy to tell me whether my relationships are real or not.

I commit myself to trust my ability to explore myself in self-honesty as the tools of self-writing and self-forgiveness to see my inner reality for what it is.

When and as I see myself becoming distant and isolated when I do not feel the same positive energy I was used to, I stop and breathe. I realize that in that very moment I am making my expression dependent on energy. Therefore, I am not actually living, but only following a programming.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I perceive that there’s no energy so as to bring myself back here and remind myself that I am still here breathing and that I have myself as my best partner/support.

I commit myself to sound self-forgiveness when participating in the experience of loss when not feeling the same positive energy that I was feeling before.

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that I must ‘miss’ someone in order to really get to love them, I stop and breathe. I realize that in doing so, I am only participating in a belief, because missing someone should not be a reason to decide to be with someone or not, because what it really matters is the decision, regardless the energy you experience. Plus, when you miss someone is because that thing you miss from the other person, it’s something that you are not living for yourself as One - and you are only achieving it through the other person, which means one thing; separation.

I commit myself to stop believing that I must miss someone in order to decide whether I like/love them or not.

I commit myself to explore the word ‘miss’ and the word ‘love’ in posts to come. 

When and as I see myself wanting control in the things I do in order to have the best possible outcome, I stop and breathe. I realize that the same desire for control is creating an obsession that in any way is supportive, because everything ends up in forcing what I have in my mind towards reality instead of embracing every moment as it comes.

I commit myself to stop wanting to have control to make things work the best possible.

I commit myself to embrace every moment as it comes.


I commit myself to be the directive principle in every moment.

jueves, 22 de diciembre de 2016

Who am I within ‘Problems’? (Day 157)


I was listening to some individual and the following question came up “Do you want to be in a relationship despite having to face problems that will emerge and that will make you feel unstable?”.

When I was listening to that I noticed that many people tend to have a pre-fabricated idea/opinion/perception of what ‘problems’ entail. This is from an emotional approach of course. As though talking face to face was already a ‘problem’ per se. Therefore, what I see is that it is very easy to be conditioned to approach situations in an emotional state before really walking through it.

The way I see ‘problems’; meaning, when you sit in front of one another and talk about something that came up within yourself or something that you observed that can be aligned towards what’s best for all - I see them as doors/opportunities to transcend specific patterns that are ingrained within ourselves that influence the way we create relationships, especially the relationship we have built with ourselves.

Plus, there is also this idea that everything must be ‘positive’ in relationships, so when you perceive that something ‘negative’ has taken place, such as a ‘problem’ = a moment you have to share your perspective - you end up trapped in polarity, ups and downs, which will affect the way you express yourself in your external world, because your decisions are dependent on how you feel, instead of already having a clear starting point in relation to Who You Are within ‘problems’. But, as you have conditioned yourself to perceive opportunities to communicate as ‘negative’, thoughts in relation to wanting to give up appear where you, instead of facing it, you want to run away, without realizing that that which you refuse to see beyond, will come back to you for you to transcend that point. So, the sooner you transcend that which you resist, the more efficient and effective your process will be.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘problems’ are negative/bad and that I must avoid them in order to be happy and emotionally stable.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it’s impossible to be emotionally stable within communication when facing ‘problems’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the way I am approaching problems in a negative way it’s because of past relationships where after having ‘problems’ the relationship went into breakups, then come back together again and so on - ending in a loop/bucle that never lead into a solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the past influence my current expression in the present moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when my starting point in facing problems is not clear, the mind will decide for me what I think, how I feel and how I experience myself, instad of me being the one who stands up with a clear stance of addressing problems as Gifts and Opportunities to align ourselves towards that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up when facing problems because as I see them as bad/negative, I think and believe that the only solution to be emotionally stable again is through walking away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that problems will always happen and as long as I know who I am in facing problems, I will be able to have a clear stance and thus, see the opportunities to be aligned with that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the way I feel when facing problems is my responsibility and that if I become unstable within it, it has nothing to do with the other person or the problem per se, but the way I accept and allow myself to react.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that in order to avoid problems and becoming emotionally unstable, I must be alone, without realizing that I can also transcend those patterns by walking with another person in real time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have existed in this limiting approach towards problems throughout all this time, without realizing that I can direct and change the relationship that I have towards my thoughts, feelings and emotions in order to not accept and allow myself to be governed by the mind system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not govern myself and instead, subconsciously/unconsciously let my mind decide for me the way I am going to experience myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the statement “I don’t want to have problems” as an excuse in order to walk away and avoid having to talk face to face with someone so as to share our perspectives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when using the excuse “I don’t want to have problems, therefore I should be alone by myself”, I am limiting myself to change my approach in facing problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am going to lose something/someone when facing problems. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get confused within problems, because the emotional reaction leads me into ups and downs where I doubt, feel insecure, without realizing that I am experiencing myself as such, because I am not giving myself direction and a clear stance regardless the problem/situation.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the way my body language changes when I am participating in an emotional reaction within facing problems, because I become distant, my body becomes rigid and my arms become crossed, which means that I am closed and hermetic instead of opening up myself.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself approaching problems from an emotional reaction, which leads into feeling overwhelmed like about collapsing, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am creating that reaction within myself, without understanding that the way I am feeling it’s because of the thoughts that my mind showed me, then I believed them, and finally I ended up experiencing myself from an emotional reaction. 

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I am starting to become overwhelmed when facing problems in order to release the energy that has been building up.

I commit myself to stop believing in my thoughts and backchats that dictate the way I feel within communication.

When and as I see myself defining problems as something bad or negative, I stop and breathe. I realize that by defining problems as something bad/negative, I am pre-conditioning my own experience within communication, which will lead into emotional reactions.

I commit myself to stop seeing problems as something bad/negative.

I commit myself to approach problems as opportunities to change myself and thus, become the best version of me.

When and as I see myself wanting to give up because I think that I must be alone in order to avoid having problems and feeling bad, I stop and breathe. I realize that problems will always happen, in all contexts, therefore, the decision doesn’t necessarily have to be in relation to give up, but instead breathing through the problem, walking and pushing through it in order to change the resistance into openness. 

I commit myself to stop thinking and believing that I must be alone in order to avoid having problems or feeling bad.

I commit myself to investigate in self-honesty why it is that I feel bad when facing problems.

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that I am going to lose something/someone when having problems, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that once problems are addressed through effective communication where there are no thoughts, feelings and emotions interfering, there’s nothing to lose, because what you gain is a new perspective that supports you to see reality with more clarity and thus, learn something new from yourself and others.

I commit myself to stop thinking and believing that I am going to lose something/someone when having problems.

I commit myself to be open to learn something new from myself and others when facing problems. 

I commit myself to make it a principle to be open to see, listen and learn when facing problems in all contexts. 

When and as I see myself feeling insecure within communication when facing problems, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am FEELING insecure, therefore, it’s only something that came up within my mind, it’s only a thought that I believed that activated a whole pattern, which means that I am unconsciously deciding to feel insecure instead of giving myself direction so as to find solutions.

I commit myself to approach problems in a way that I can contribute with solutions that are best for all.

When and as I see myself becoming crossed, closed and hermetic when reacting emotionally within communication when facing problems, I stop and breathe. I realize that I can change my expression in that moment; I can take a deep in breath and then an our breath, in order to ground myself here in the physical, open myself to become intimate with myself and thus, be able to interact with others once I am clear within myself.

I commit myself to become aware of my body language when I am participating in emotional reactions when facing problems within communication.


I commit myself to support myself through changing my body posture into a more opened one when I am crossed due to participating in emotional reactions when facing problems. 

viernes, 16 de diciembre de 2016

Part II: Fears & Insecurities (Day 156)


Here I am continuing with my previous post...

Self-Corrective Statements.

When and as I see myself expecting the worst to happen in relation to being lied/cheated, I stop and breathe. I realize that in participating in such fears, I only limit myself to really get to know someone, because all I am seeing is the projection from the past into my present moment.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I see myself participating in the fear of being lied/cheated as I was in the past.

I commit myself to embrace the fear in order to understand it once manifested, so I can stop it.

I commit myself to sound self-forgiveness when/if I catch myself participating in fearing the worst.

When and as I see myself trying to trust another person, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am participating in fear and separation. Fear because I fear to give a step forward if I don’t feel that I can trust another person and separation when looking for trust out of myself instead of realizing that trust must exist within myself as an unconditional expression of myself regardless who I am with.

I commit myself to place the focus on myself so as to not lose track when it comes to my expression.

I commit myself to stop looking for trust outside of myself.

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that X’s eyes are lying, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am participating in an old pattern that was created within one of my previous relationships and that this new person has nothing to do with that, because I don’t fully know them, therefore, I can’t be assuming that I am accurate in my assumptions and that I somehow know that they are in fact lying to me.

I commit myself to stop thinking and believing that I can know when people are lying to me by looking into their eyes.

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that X is only telling a small part of the whole story and then I react with backchats that are based on past experiences, I stop and breathe. I realize that if I am going to always believe that they are lying and hiding the truth, I will go into a quantum spiraling and get lost.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, ground myself and read/listen to the words being shared without judging and if I see myself judging, I commit myself to sound self-forgiveness, release the energy and then, speak/write.

When and as I see myself judging people as though they are moved by energy and that they do not do what they said they would do, I stop and breathe. I realize that I sometimes tend to do the same, therefore, the judgment is only showing me that I have to investigate that point within myself and instead of pointing fingers on others, I have to take responsibility, change the pattern and thus, become a living example. 

I commit myself to stop pointing fingers on others through judging their actions.

I commit myself to first address what I judge in others within myself instead of pointing fingers.

When and as I see myself feeling inferior because I think and believe that other people think that I am weak because of walking a process in relation to exposing my mind consciousness system; thoughts, feelings and emotions, I stop and breathe. I realize that exposing my mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions is an act of courage that functions as self-support in order to step by step deprogram myself and slowly but surely stop the fuck up that we have collectively created through for instance trying to suppress and cover ourselves with masks to control how other people see us, instead of working with our minds and stopping the shit in order to bring about a real change that starts with self.

I commit myself to stop fearing what other people might think of me when I write my blogs.

I commit myself to stop thinking that walking process makes me weird or weak.

I commit myself to continue supporting myself through self-writing on my blog. 

When and as I see myself going into imagination where I see X doing stuff that may compromise the relationship, I stop and breathe. I realize that when I go into imagination I am lost, because I am giving all my power away to the mind system to decide for me, instead of me being the one who stands up and say “No, I won’t accept these imaginations to control me, because this is in any way real. It’s only programming. This is not living”. 

I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I see myself going into imagination in relation to what X might possibly do or don’t do with regards to compromising the relationship.

I commit myself to tell myself “Stop, I won’t accept these imaginations/thoughts to influence me” and then stop, breathe, and sound self-forgiveness with regards to the imaginations I was participating in.

When and as I see myself getting lost in this nebula of insecurities and fears, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am losing touch with myself due to placing all my attention and focus on the mind.

I commit myself to bring myself back here through breathing when going into the nebula of insecurities and fears, through doing something in the physical; such as, playing the guitar, writing, going out for a walk, etc. - and thus, avoid going into the mind, getting lost and losing touch with myself. 

When and as I se myself using sarcasm or irony so as to make someone understand my point of view, I stop and breathe. I realize that sarcasm and irony can be effective techniques or methods to present an idea or an example, but I can’t trust it blindly and absolutely, especially if my starting point is energy-based.

I commit myself to assess myself first before saying or writing something down.

I commit myself to support myself through breathing when I just want to rant and rave towards someone.

jueves, 15 de diciembre de 2016

Fears & Insecurities (Day 155)


I was having a conversation with X, who is someone that I am getting to know with whom I have talked about creating something together; aka agreement/relationship. The point is that I have noticed some insecurities going on within myself in relation to this individual, which have lately been creating conflict.

Basically what I am noticing is the past interfering in my present. This is all related to being lied and cheated which is something that happened within one of my previous relationships where I decided to trust someone, but my expectations were not aligned with reality, because that person from the past didn’t honor their words with regards to our commitment and then, I went into disappointment, frustration, anger, grudge, etc. - emotional mind states that somehow were asleep in me and rarely addressed which are now being projected towards this new person. 

After being single for 4 years now I learned how to enjoy my own presence, the silence and how to feel comfortable with myself. Let’s say that I was gaining my trust again. But, as I haven’t worked on those past patterns effectively, plus I was not in a relationship, I just had those points in stand by mode, like “I will investigate this sometime in the future”. And as those patterns were not happening, at least consciously, they seemed they were gone.

So, this person shared an interesting perspective which was “You are kind of expecting me to fuck it up”, which is something that defines pretty well the way I feel. Like I feel that I am sure about that they have a deceptive nature within themselves and that in any moment they will do something that somehow will compromise the agreement = fear. 

I was also told that I must trust myself more, leave those insecurities aside, live more, which is something that I completely agree with, but as it has become kind of natural to talk about what’s going on within my mind with people I feel comfortable with, they sometimes think that I am holding onto it and this creates conflict, when actually what I am aiming is the release of such patterns. For instance, with this person I have tried opening up points in real time as they emerge and it goes pretty well, but today I went into an emotional reaction through a written chat and even I know things must be spoken in person, I ended up having a sort or argument which brought doubt and insecurity within both of us - that’s at least how I saw it through the words and voice messages.

So, I have opened up myself and what they see is fear, acting in a defensive way, distrust and doubt. Let me share an example here. Some days ago we were in a place with more people. This person said, “I won’t drink beer because I have a stomachache”. Then, after 5 minutes, this person was offered a glass of beer and they accepted it. That created distrust and insecurity within myself, because I went “This person is not doing what they said. Should I trust them? If they say that they agree on being faithful and loyal within this agreement, is this person going to honor their words if in a very simple act of not drinking beer they were not able to keep and live their word unconditionally?”.

I have been told that I am exaggerating, but currently that’s the only way I have to see reality for what it is., because I don’t want to ‘trust my feelings’ as I did in the past. Therefore, the only way I have to see whether someone is loving themselves or not is through how they are honoring their words for themselves.

I know that I have done the same in the past and even today I sometimes say things that I do not do. I understand that there is flexibility within our decisions, but we must be careful to not end up in self-manipulation through excuses and justifications. Because to me it’s simple; if I say that I won’t drink and I am offered a glass of beer, I can say “Thanks, but I prefer a glass of water, please”, but I understand that we are all in different locations within process and that I cannot impose what I have walked within myself onto others in an attempt to ‘help’ them. The only way I have to do that is through my own example; meaning, if I don’t like it when others say something and do the complete opposite, then I must start with myself first and become a living example. But, as I have been an abstemious for 7 months now, I have become very disciplined with regards to alcohol and honoring my word. The same with cigarettes; being a non-smoker for 1 year and a half now.

So, that’s the nature of these insecurities. I know that I can honor my word when I really want to achieve something and it’s part of my goals, but the problem happens when I have to trust that a partner is going to do the same and I am not seeing it in the very simple things. Now - it’s not about THEM, it’s about how I react to it which is an emotional reaction that leads into fear. This fear of “Should I go for it? I don’t want the same lies and secrets from the past”, which at the same time creates the same experience within the other person, because even though they said they are sure about being with me, if I am talking about my insecurities in a way that is not supportive, they will also go like “Do I really want to be with someone who will suddenly say: you know what, this ends here because I do not trust you?”.

So, here I am. After being single for 4 years now and having the chance to start something with someone new, but fearing that the past will repeat again in this new opportunity to learn about myself. But, I understand that I am not the same person I was in the past, because I now have the tools to face myself, understand the fears and be ready to live without fearing the worst to happen, because if I think that the worst will happen, then I am creating it within my mind and then, I would have the same emotional experience within myself as though it really happened, when actually none of it has taken place, therefore, there’s no need to be worried about.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring the past into my present by thinking and believing that X will lie and cheat on me like someone from the past did, without seeing, realizing and understanding that in doing this, I am limiting myself to be able to really get to know this person without anticipating/fearing the ‘worst’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have remained in stand by mode when it comes to who I am in relationships, because I procrastinated addressing old patterns and now as they are manifesting again, I see the importance of taking responsibility immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into thoughts of “should I trust this person or not?”, “Should I start a relationship with this person or not?”, “Will they honor their word?”, without realizing that such thoughts are disempowering, because if I were standing up as an example of self-trust through knowing who I am in relationships, I would focus more on myself instead of looking for trust in separation of me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have looked for trust outside instead of developing it within myself first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when staring at X’s eyes while we are very close and I am listening to them when we have talked about something that needed to be addressed, go within myself “That look…is this person lying? I bet they are lying to me”, without realizing that that distrust was created in one of my previous relationships where I knew that they were lying to me, but I stayed there only because I wanted to know the truth by leaving myself aside only because of being obsessed with finding out the truth of events and at the same time trying to persuade the other person to continue speaking and telling me more about it, because I always thought that they didn’t share the whole story, but only the parts that were the least compromising for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have activated an old pattern of distrust from past relationships into this new person that I am getting to know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged this person’s voice tonality, words and actions as someone who is moved by energy and that they are not able to keep their word and honoring it through actions, because they victimize self instead of facing the points that emerge in our communication, without first having a look within myself so as to see where in my life I do the same so I can change it and become a living example that can become a support for others when first supporting self and walking a process in relation to such specific points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being with someone in a relationship, because I think that they will cause pain in me, without realizing that the only real pain is physical and any other ‘pain’ that is not physical has its roots within consciousness = Ego - therefore, it’s something that I am accepting and allowing it to exist, because no matter what they do; if self-trust is here with me as an unconditional expression of myself, there’s no way I can ‘lose’ it, because if I lose it, then it was never real, because you can’t lose something that is part of your genuine expression as a being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have feared to be seen as weak by this person when I open up and share my insecurities and fears, because they have said that I over react and make things personal, without seeing, realizing and understanding that opening up and sharing myself is fine, but maybe the way I am sharing it is not aligned with the purpose I want to achieve, therefore, I could find other ways I can improve my communication, because I understand that it’s not common to have a relationship with someone who does not fear talking about fears and insecurities with their partners, writing blogs and basically walking process, which is a process ahead to be walked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that walking process makes me weird and weak to the eyes of other people, especially females, because they sometimes like ‘tough guys’ and me talking about emotions don’t look like a ‘brave man’ to them, without realizing that being able to talk about emotions and feelings without fearing them is an act of courage, because it is easy to pretend that everything is fine and just suppress in order to create a ‘good impression’, but the ones who are standing up are the real ‘men’, because ‘real men’ don’t hide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought “If I don’t look like a real man to them, then they are going to break up with me”, without seeing, realizing and understanding that all I am must be for myself in self-honesty - and in any way try to be someone I am not only because of wanting to fit into other people’s pre-programmed wants and needs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have experienced frustration when seeing that X does not understand my point of view fully, instead of finding ways to express myself better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the old patterns are in relation to how things have been unfolding since the beginning, which is a bit similar to one of my previous relationships, where I judged the other person because of their/our behavior during our first meetings, that’s why similar judgements/fears/insecurities have emerged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gone into imagination where I see X doing things that I wouldn’t like to be done, without realizing that by feeding my mind with imagination and possible scenarios, I am creating the experience of fear and insecurities within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged X as a liar since the first moment we saw each other, as though their intentions were not good because they only wanted to ‘use’ me and that now based on how things have been unfolding, they have decided to be with me because they feel positively charged and don’t want to lose that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that many things that I judge from X are not accurate due to misinterpretation, projection and imagination based on fear and insecurities. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that X is making fun of me in front of their friends because of the way I am and the ‘problems’ I might create when talking about fears and insecurities, without seeing, realizing and understanding that many people can have different opinions about me due to how the information is being delivered, but something completely different is to get to know someone beyond a biased version of events when sharing them from emotional mind states, therefore, there’s nothing I can do about it, but only focus on myself and my process in order to release these worries that limit my expression and divert my attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gotten ‘lost’ in this nebula of insecurities and fears, because as today I was free, what I did the most during this day was only going into emotional experiences instead of focusing on myself and my responsibilities, therefore, I am not doing what I had agreed on doing for myself = participating in the same patterns I judge in X, only because of the way I was experiencing myself as thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used irony when wanting X to understand my perspective, without realizing that irony was perceived negatively by them and that created resistance instead of a mutual understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that irony and sarcasm are to be used to make people understand, without realizing that every time I went into irony with X, I was energetically charged and not stable within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have suppressed something I wanted to share with X a few days ago, but now as it emerged again and it was not directed in the moment, I said it but in an emotional reaction, without first assessing it within myself in order to open up more layers and once having a clear understanding about it, talk about it in a more grounded expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gone into honesty by saying what was on my mind, instead of living self-honesty; meaning, first introspecting and exploring what’s going on within myself and then share it as solutions instead of ‘problems’ or complaints that they have to handle in order to make me feel better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the only way I have to feel good with myself is through others, without realizing that in doing so, I am participating in separation instead of becoming it myself on my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose touch with the silence I developed and enjoyed when being single and now turning it into 'noise'; the one that insecurities and fears create within my mind. 


More to come on my next post…