viernes, 31 de enero de 2014

Part Two: Paranormal Experiences (Day 10)

I am continuing with the topic I started yesterday with regards to experiences that I have defined as "paranormal".

After writing my self-forgiveness I remembered another experience that I had that I would like to analyze, because it is also related to the value I have given to some thoughts within my mind system.

This one is also related to a dream I had when I was about 3 or 4 years old. This is the dream:

I (really) lived in an apartment. Third floor. One day, someone knocked at the door and when I opened it, I saw a little girl next to her father. I remember I really liked this girl. 

The next day - back to reality - someone knocked at the door and guess what. Same scene; the girl and her dad looking for my mom as in my dream. They were new at the building.

I had no relationship with this girl. I knew she lived in the fourth floor and that she had an older brother that I met a few times. But I never saw her again or probably I can't remember.

I have realized that this episode within my life has made me relate/associate new experiences with that "strange" or "paranormal" event. For instance, giving value to thoughts when I think they can become real.

I have also allowed myself to experience fear, because I sometimes think that something bad might happen to the people close to me. It's like I am in a state of preparing myself for something that is going to happen, which is death.   

I wonder if I have done the "right" things so as to avoid feeling regret if a family member suddenly dies, living in a constant loop of worries.

For instance, last night mom and my sister travelled by bus to another city for vacation (They are on their way now, actually), and when I thought of them, a thought came with a negatively charged emotion of worry. I immediately called my mom and asked her if everything was okay and I said, "Don't forget to wear your seat belts!”

The same happens with my dad. I have noticed that I am worried, because he works in a different city and he comes home only some weekends, BUT, when he is here at home, I do not do anything like sharing time with him, even though I try, but that fear existing within myself makes me doubt my actions whether they are "right" or not, based on what people expect from a son towards their parents/family.

It also happens towards my dog. He is very old and blind and every time I get home I play with him, but I cannot take those thoughts out of my mind; fear of death that makes me doubt my current existence.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to give value to my thoughts based on a past experience that happened in a dream that later became real.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let my past memories/experiences affect/direct my current existence.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience fear once I had thoughts based on worries regarding my family.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react with fear towards my thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to doubt my current existence based on the energy those thoughts bring.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to judge myself when I wonder if what I do is "right" based on what most people may expect from a son.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define myself according to what others believe it is "right" within the role of a son towards his family.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let those separate concepts/beliefs/thoughts direct my current existence.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed and accepted myself to really act in the moments/opportunities I have with my family. Instead of that, I always come to my room and do not really share with them.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to give priority to thoughts instead of actions, because thinking and thinking is not going to change anything.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to go into a state of "preparing myself for the worst (death)" when allowing myself to react to those thoughts based on fear.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define the "worst" as death, when it is actually a fact that all human beings will face someday.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed and accepted myself to see/understand/realize that the "worst" is here and now within planet earth.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed and accepted myself to see/understand/realize that if I want to change something, the first that must change is I; from the inside to the outside.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed and accepted myself to see/understand/realize that remaining within this thoughts of fear I am only playing a game that I know how it will end, because death is death and that's it.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed and accepted myself to see/understand/realize that within those thoughts of fear I am only focused on me, which is equal to self-interest, because I am defining death as the worst possible thing on earth without physically seeing what happens around me and how I can be the change.

When and as I see myself reacting with fear of death towards my thoughts, I stop and breathe. I realize that if all my actions are based on fear, everything I do will be based on polarity. Therefore I will be moving like a pendulum into emotions and feelings, re-acting in order to compensate the fear instead of standing up and stop my mind and allowing myself to be here in every moment and every breath.

I commit myself to stop and breathe every time I catch myself reacting to those thoughts of fear, so as to bring me back to my physical and stand up to see through my physical eyes leaving apart all the beliefs that may be around the concept of a "good son". Thus, I will be able to take responsibility of my present participation within this reality when I am spending some time with my beings, instead of being someone that acts and expresses himself based on fear, compensating energy instead of acting in common sense now and here.


jueves, 30 de enero de 2014

Paranormal Experiences? (Day 9)

The other day I was dreaming of being at my grandparents' house. Every time I am there (through dreams) I perceive that the dream wants to tell me something. 

These dreams are always related to girls and it is probably because I always go there with the current girlfriend. I do not really know.

My grandfather passed away like 2 years ago and this time the dream was related to a girl I know and my dead grandfather.

The dream goes like this:

My friend and I were staying at my grandparents' house and she was sleeping in another room. She told me that she heard scary noises coming from outside at night and that she couldn't sleep because she was too scared.

I wanted to know about these noises so I went to bed and then, I started hearing them. I immediately went to the front door and looked outside through the door eye and I saw nothing out of normal and what I heard was the sound of a marching band. Very loud.

Then something grabbed me and took me back into my bed. Everything was dark and I felt the presence of someone and I related it to my dead grandfather. I couldn't move.

This presence - that looked like a shadow - approached me and I was scared. I had the chance to stay longer within the dream or to wake up. It was up to me. 

I thought "it's grandpa, I should not be afraid". I said his name and he whispered something I can't remember and then I woke up. 

My whole physical body was shaking, especially my head. It was like an epilepsy attack. 

When I woke up it was very dark and I still felt I was in my grandparent's house and it took me a while to realize I was here, in my house.

I was scared and I thought, "probably my grandpa is here and he wants to tell me something important". I thought that he was here with me and that he could not communicate with me because we were in different dimensions.

I also thought, "maybe he is talking to me and he does not realize I can't listen to him". I wanted to tell him that I was not able to hear him, but I did not do anything and then I fell asleep again.

A few days later I went to a concert. My friends were playing. I stood up on a chair so I was able to watch all of them. I became one with them in a sense of understanding what they were doing, what they were expressing and how they were experiencing themselves.

Suddenly, I watched my friend's guitar while he was playing and a vision/thought came into my mind: a broken string. I thought, "Shit, I hope he does not break a string". Then I gave another look and he had broken a string.

After the show, I told a friend that before my friend broke the string I knew it would happen and she said "you are a clairvoyant!". 

Then, I felt weird and I remembered another experience I had when I was 6 years old. While I was waking up and still having a blurry picture of what my physical eyes were seeing, I saw something that looked like a little angel. Just like in pictures; blond hair, white tunic and an aureole over his head. He was praying in front of me. 

As I was waking up this thing faded away. I remember getting up immediately, because I did not want to fall asleep again and doubt whether it really happened or not. 

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to get scared when experiencing mind states while I am dreaming.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define mind states as a paranormal event.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to create thoughts while experiencing myself within dreams and reality.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear the thoughts I have created after having an experience as such.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe/perceive that someone that is dead wants to communicate with me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am a clairvoyant.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become happy when believing I am a clairvoyant.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to trust my thoughts once they have coincided with reality without considering that it was only a coincidence, because it is quite normal to break strings while playing live. 

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience myself within polarity equations due to mind states and thoughts, because first I felt scared, and then when my thoughts coincided with reality I felt happy considering the idea that I saw the future.

When and as I see myself having a bunch of thoughts related to possibilities and probabilities in order to expect them to fit with reality and then believe that I was "right", I stop and breathe.  I realize that wanting to have thoughts related to events that might happen inhibits me from being sure and physically stand up, because I am looking for trusting my thoughts to give me a feeling of being sure and stable.

I commit myself to stop the thoughts when considering possibilities and probabilities of future events that may or may not fit reality. Thus, I will be able to be focused on my present, now and here, because within the search of knowing what may or may not happen based on all the thoughts that I create and try to fit with reality, I am only based on self-interest, so as to give my thoughts power, because I have allowed my mind system to make me believe they can be real, because they have empirically coincided with the physical existence a few times.


lunes, 13 de enero de 2014

The Mind Does NOT See Real Love (Day 8)


I would like to share an experience I had today during my dad's birthday.

I got home and my family had started eating the cake. As usual, I arrived a little bit late.

I went to my room to check my e-mail and stuff and then I went downstairs again to spend some time with my beings. 

When I finished eating, I saw that there were dirty dishes, so I took the time to wash them all up, because I did not want my dad to do it, because he was in the kitchen as well, and I thought "he has to enjoy his birthday, I'm going do the washing up, so he can just enjoy without being worried".

While I was doing the washing up my dad came next to me and hit the faucet handle a bit down. I immediately remembered the old times when I was trying to do something, but mom or dad helped me and  I used to think "they don't leave me do things on my own. They want me to do what they want", reacting negatively. But that did not happen today. 

Within this process I have learned that one allows the mind to react, instead of seeing the points in which one can be more effective. 

So, I realized that I was wasting too much water, so I continued doing it the way my dad did. I finished without reacting, although I experienced a positive feeling due to my simple realization.

I would like to conclude saying that there are parents that tend to react with anger sometimes, because they want to teach their kids when they perceive that their children are not doing something effectively/efficiently or that they have defined as "wrong". But one has to understand that it is the mind loving the idea of something "right" or  "positive". And when one has realized that point, you will not react feeding the mind, but you will be able to see the message beyond the person's character/reaction in order to support us.

You don't feel love. The mind does, because love is physical. Love is actions in common sense, giving to others as I would like to receive without creating "positive" expectations that remain in polarity equations.

What my dad did today with his lesson in common sense was love and if I would have allowed myself to participate in the mind system I wouldn't have seen the love action, because I would have reacted with ego, feeling inferior and judging myself. 

My mind wouldn't have perceived the action of love because it happened here in the physical wherein thoughts have nothing to do.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react negatively when I perceive that someone is telling me what to do.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to perceive that when someone is telling how to be more efficient that means that I am useless/inferior.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let my ego react with its role of superiority when someone told me how to be more efficient with myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to try to make my ego and sense of "superiority" compensate that feeling of inferiority, reacting and creating friction instead of understanding.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to activate past memories when experiencing similar events when someone tells me how to be more efficient with myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let those past memories direct my present experience, reacting negatively due to the past experience that has nothing to do with the present.

When and as I see myself reacting with anger and feeling inferior when someone is telling me how to be more efficient, I stop and breathe. I realize that in reacting negatively I am not going to be able to see the message beyond the person's reaction, in order to consider the points he/she is saying so as to analyze them in self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop the thoughts, judgments, memories, feelings of inferiority and ego reactions when I am experiencing the presence of someone telling me how to be more efficient with myself. Thus, I will be able to see the points in which I can be more efficient, especially with water, because I usually allow myself to waste lots of it when I am taking a shower, brushing my teeth, and doing the washing up.