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Facing Accidents (Day 15)

The other day I was going out and realized that there was one of my mom’s plants lying on the floor of the front yard due to the strong winds. I decided to move it and place it straight as how it is supposed be. Suddenly one of its branches went directly into my ear after moving it. I felt a very sharp pain inside and heard the noise of something slitting. I had pierced my left eardrum. 
I went back to my house and I remembered that some days ago I told mom to change the plant planter because the plant had already grown a lot and the little planter v/s the strong winds made the plant fall. 

I told mom "I've just had an accident. I pierced my eardrum while moving the plant". She asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital, but I wanted to breath and assimilate what it had just happened.

I collapsed when listening to my mom plus thinking, "what am I going to do? I have to play with my band in two more days". I reacted saying "mom, I told you to get rid of that plant or to buy a bigger planter". 

I was not angry, but I felt annoyed (like argh!) with too much stimuli and I decided to go out and do what I was going to do.

The next day, while having lunch, mom said she was sorry and I said, "the only contribution your plant achieved was to make your son half deaf" in a frustrated manner.

I know mom and I am sure after that she felt guilty and I said, "It's not your fault, it's not the plant's fault, it's about how I interacted with it. Don't get rid of the plant".

I lost the ability to hear low frequencies. My left ear listens as if I had a finger covering it. I went to the doctor and he said that the healing process could last from 1 month to 1 year, so now I have to take care of my ear and avoid water to go inside to prevent an infection.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed and accepted myself to be careful when moving something big and to physically compromise myself when interacting with the plant.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to say,  "mom, I told you to get rid of that plant or to buy a bigger planter", because that was not going to change anything. I was only trying to make my mom feel guilty.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to try to make someone feel guilty for something that happened to me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe/think that making someone feel guilty is going to be a better contribution to what had happened to me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to blame someone separate from me so as to compensate the emotions I was experiencing in that moment.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed and accepted myself to see/realize/understand that in participating in those reactions/emotions I am allowing myself to be directed by them, activating thoughts, opinions and memories that only inhibit me from doing the best for all and instead of that I only focused on me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to activate thoughts, because the only thing I achieved was feeling collapsed.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feel collapsed when participating in energy movements while listening to what mom was suggesting v/s my thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to keep reacting with comments like "the only contribution your plant achieved was to make your son half deaf".

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself the thought and comment "the only contribution your plant achieved was to make your son half deaf" to exist within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react with projections when experiencing an accident, allowing my mind to show me pictures in which I was playing with my band and I couldn't hear well and everything sounded bad.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to trust the pictures my mind show me as if reality was going to happen according to that.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to enjoy the moment when experiencing the accident and just reacting with comments towards mom trying to make her feel guilty for something she hadn't done, because I thought "if she would have listened to me and changed the planter to a bigger one, this wouldn't have happened".

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to try to make someone feel regret when thinking/believing I was right and make them realize that they did wrong because they didn't listen to me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to tell people "you should not procrastinate when I ask you to do something" and I am not even an example of that.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to abuse of words instead of using the example when wanting others to do their duties immediately.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to just blame my mom instead of stand up and go buying a bigger planter. The plant is my mom's, but I also live in the same house and if I see that something could be changed as the best for all, I can also do it instead of waiting/expecting and then just complaining.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to complain after something "bad" happened when I did not even try anything to avoid the consequence. 

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience sadness and regret after realizing my mom felt bad for what happened to me.

When and as I see myself collapsing in accidents/moments I did not expect, I stop and breathe. I realize that the reason why I am collapsing is because I am allowing my mind to guide me with thoughts, memories, emotions and projections, and I am only feeding/believing the scenes my mind system shows me in which I see myself in the worst scenario and then, instead of breathing and making sure I stopped any polarity movement I activate the negative/frustrated character and make comments that are only the result of what I have created within my mind.

I commit myself to stop, breathe and make sure I am no longer participating in any polarity movement when experiencing an accident/unexpected situation. Thus, I will be able to take self-responsibility instead of blaming others.

I commit myself to see my responsibility first instead of looking for the others'. Thereby, I will avoid experiencing regret later when thinking, "I could have acted differently", "I shouldn't have said that".


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