lunes, 10 de febrero de 2014

To what extent am I responsible for others? (Day 11)

A couple of days ago I was invited to a wedding party by a friend I met about 14 years ago. He said that if I wanted, I could invite some friends, but the idea was to go in couples, so I invited 2 boy friends and 2 girl friends.

Everything was going pretty well until drinking time (alcohol) started, because everything was for free and you could drink as you wished.

I am not really good at drinking. Actually, during my first years at university I learned when to stop. So, I don't drink more than 2 or 3 glasses, because that's my limit.

BUT, the two girl friends I invited got really drunk. One of them broke some bottles in the dance floor and she could barely walk straight. 

Then, we decided to leave the wedding party and go to another bar. We came in, but the tickets were too expensive and as we were tired, we decided to leave, but the girls were still in the bar.

We waited outside, because I thought the girls saw us getting out. Nothing happened, so we started walking to catch a bus so as to get home.

That's when I started with thoughts. The first thought is related to my responsibility towards the girls, because "I invited them, so I am in charge".

The other thoughts were: "Ok, I invited them, but I didn't know they were going to get too drunk", "I am responsible for inviting them, but they are conscious of what they are doing. I can not tell them how to behave, especially if we are walking in the street very late at night".

Anyways, we (the guys) left and while we were on our way to catch the bus my phone started ringing. I didn't want to answer because I knew the girls were drunk and probably they were going to get angry if they knew we left without them.

After a while, a friend of mine answered the phone and he explained everything. The girls were not mad at all. But then my phone wouldn't stop ringing and ringing, so I turned it off thinking "what if something bad happened to them and they are calling me because they need help?”

Well, nothing bad happened, but I ended up with a question, with regards to my responsibility towards others. 

The first thing I thought is that "I am responsible for making them feel comfortable during the party", but "they are responsible for their own when referring to their behavior. I can not take responsibility where there is no responsibility separate from me". 

The other point is that if they knew we were going to another place later they shouldn't have drunk too much, because one of the girls crossed a street running and she almost got hurt by a car. But I didn't care too much, because I felt it was not my responsibility. You don't go out to be worried about others and I was not going to help them walk. If they decided to get that drunk, it's their responsibility to face reality.

I experienced a guilty feeling when not answering the phone. It's just that I didn't want trouble. I never do that, but this time it was different. We were walking very late at night; dangerous.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe/perceive that I am responsible for adult people's attitude/behavior.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience fear/concern when thinking that something bad could happen while walking late at night and be directed by fear instead of common sense.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to limit my responsibility towards others when realizing things were out of control. 

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate in the idea of going to another bar even knowing the girls were drunk.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to avoid facing a situation I participated in when believing/thinking "I am no longer responsible".

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to hide instead just saying, "we are leaving, if you want to stay in the bar, go ahead. We are going home", because I thought "these girls are too drunk, it's not worth to give explanations to drunk people. I would have to repeat myself over and over again".

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience regret when thinking "I didn't know these girls drank too much. What am I going to do now? They are my guests".

When and as I see myself questioning if I am responsible for others or not, I stop and breathe. I realize that through this I experienced thoughts based on fear, because I perceived something was going wrong and that it was dangerous to walk very late at night looking for a bar, but still I allowed myself to participate instead of analyzing the current moment with my feet here in the physical, considering the events and how everything was going to be developed next.


I commit myself to stop and breathe when I am questioning myself regarding others, fostering a decision which is best for all and not only for me trying to avoid reality with thoughts that tell me what I want to hear in self-interest; "I am not responsible". Even though I was not drunk, the reality was that within the group there were two drunk girls, so, if I would have seen the reality with my physical eyes, I would have suggested everyone to go home, because I did not want the girls to make a mess in my friend's wedding, instead of allowing myself to be directed by my mind system when thinking "I am responsible. I am not responsible", "they are responsible. They are not responsible". Thus, I commit myself to stop the thoughts of who is responsible in situations as such, because they wouldn't let me see what is best for all in the current moment.

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