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Mostrando entradas de marzo, 2014

I don't want to but I have to (Day 23)

Today after work I was on the bus to get home and suddenly after the bus stopped before the traffic lights I saw 2 men working on the grass.
They are people in charge of cleaning the streets and taking care of the grass. They work for the city and they are hired by a governmental entity.
I saw that they were taking out the little plants and only leaving the grass. I asked myself "why are they doing that? Are they asked to do it?". They were not even taking the little plants to another place; they were only being thrown to the garbage.
That's when my mind system activated a memory in which I remembered my dad doing the same with plants that are considered scrub. 
I thought, "Are they asked to do this because the city is supposed to look beautiful and those little plants are considered scrubs/ugly/useless?".
I stopped and breathed and I did not allow myself to judge those workers. Instead of that, I placed myself within their shoes and changed the context into mine. F…

Pushing myself towards self-writing (Day 22)

I have allowed myself to procrastinate my self-writings remaining within my mind and "feeling" satisfied with the idea of "I will do it later". 
This is not happening only at writing. For instance, I have to go to the doctor, check some tests that I applied at school, etc. and I haven't physically moved myself. I have also observed that this is a repeated pattern that I allow to exist with and as myself in every field I have to express myself.
When I do my self-writings I usually want to write more and more, but I allow myself to wait until the next day and then it becomes easy to me to put it off for more and more days.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to procrastinate my duties.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself the thought "It does not matter, I'll do it later" to exist within and as myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feed myself with thoughts that create the illusion of…

Saving Memories (Day 21)

During my whole life many songs have been part of my memories. When I listen to them again I feel the same feelings and emotions when I first listened to them.
As I was aware of this point I have manipulated something that came from natural to intentional. For instance, every time I go on holidays I like to download a new band's album in order to "save the moment", so later when I listen to the songs again I am transported to the past towards those "positive" feelings that were part of my life and I allow myself to abuse of memories to bring me something back that I miss because it no longer exists.
I have also done the same with images. When I was 12 years old I remember I moved to another city with my family. It was Sunday night and I was roller-skating. I did not want that moment to end. I wanted to make it last forever in my mind, so I focused on how I was moving; I looked my shadow and took a mind picture that I am able to access whenever I want now.
I wanted…

The "Falling in Love" Feeling (Day 20)

I had to play with my band in a different city last weekend. I could manage my fear and anxiety before playing live, because I did not allow myself to create any expectation.
Now, I am going to refer to a different point that emerged that day before and after playing. I was like "wanting" to meet a girl. 
The women's toilet was inside the backstage, so I could see girls coming in and going out all the time. That's why I took that as I had to choose one; the right one.
While playing live, I was able to see everybody there and I made eye contact with some girls that I liked or that went according to the prototype/style I prefer.
After the show, I went to the crowd to see the next bands and suddenly someone touched my arm. It was one of the girls I liked offering me a cookie. I accepted and then we talked for about 3 hours. 
As I was talking to her, I realized I started liking more and more stuff from her. For instance, her face, smell, hair, behavior, etc. I was having fun …