lunes, 31 de marzo de 2014

I don't want to but I have to (Day 23)

Today after work I was on the bus to get home and suddenly after the bus stopped before the traffic lights I saw 2 men working on the grass.

They are people in charge of cleaning the streets and taking care of the grass. They work for the city and they are hired by a governmental entity.

I saw that they were taking out the little plants and only leaving the grass. I asked myself "why are they doing that? Are they asked to do it?". They were not even taking the little plants to another place; they were only being thrown to the garbage.

That's when my mind system activated a memory in which I remembered my dad doing the same with plants that are considered scrub. 

I thought, "Are they asked to do this because the city is supposed to look beautiful and those little plants are considered scrubs/ugly/useless?".

I stopped and breathed and I did not allow myself to judge those workers. Instead of that, I placed myself within their shoes and changed the context into mine. For instance - considering that those people are asked to do something they do not want to do - I am a teacher of English and I do not enjoy qualifying students with marks, but I have to. I tell students that it's a part of the system in which we are participating, but I emphasize that they are not a mark, they are not a number, they are not A or B or C, they are human beings and that besides the low marks they might be  assigned after performing, that does not mean they are not smart/intelligent. I talk to them about polarity in simple words. BUT, I have to mark them anyways = I have to, but I don't want to.

Of course there are teachers that say, "if you get an A it means you are smart and if you get an F you are stupid/lazy".

So, getting back to my previous point. I wondered "Are those workers aware of what they are doing? Do they believe those little plants are scrub and that they must be taken out into the garbage?", "Do they think they are doing something "good" when it is actually something "bad"? Because you can be so immersed within your duties, worries, etc. that the only thing you think of is getting the fucking money to feed their families and be able to survive in this world, giving value to surviving instead of living in self-honesty.

Are those workers guilty or innocent? What's the difference? Probably only the adjective, but in reality we are all responsible for our participation in this world. BUT, self-awareness is not something that comes magically and makes us realize what we are doing. It's a process.
Are people responsible for not being aware of themselves? Because many people are born in this world as it exists and they just participate as mind systems and they are only directed by their programming which is based on polarity and "worse"; they do not have access to study supportive material that works as tools with which they can change their lives and pierce the veil of fake reality. 

I have realized that I can't just approach people and start throwing up information about the mind, polarity, pre-program systems, self-forgiveness, etc. that's not going to change anything. Therefore, what is more effective is that we become the physical example and not only focused on what we speak, but actions in commonsense = the living word. 

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to only speak about how people must be in order to change instead of me being the example with my physical actions.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to give value to words/information/knowledge instead of actions because it's easier to give opinions while I am sat down instead of being me the one who sees and acts immediately.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think/believe/perceive that people are going to change if I talk to them and share the information I have been studying.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think/believe/perceive that people must change before me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed and accepted myself to be the change.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to wait until other people change and then I move.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed and accepted myself to give the first step forward.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to remain at the back and wait because I am not sure.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let my negatively charged emotions direct my physical actions as an example for the people in my environment. 

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become something I do not want to, because even though I know how things must be done, I only look for justifications instead of standing up and wait for others to do it and then "if I am in the mood" I do it.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to justify myself with a positive feeling of "being in the mood" to act, which is only me moving between polarity.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let my mind and its polarity be my engine towards doing/acting/standing up.

When and as I see myself waiting/justifying my physical self-movement as an example instead of only words I stop and breathe. I realize that my participation in blabbering words and waiting for others to change instead of me makes me be/support the system and remain the same, and in this case I am the responsible for realizing and not acting, instead I go judging other people for not realizing their participation in this world and just wondering/thinking within my mind "why don't people change" and the answer is "because we all do the same"; we expect others to do the "right" thing and letting our minds only judge.

I commit myself to act immediately when I know I have to do something.

I commit myself to become the example of the points I realize instead of waiting for others to realize what I have realized and see how they act, because those realizations are my own, for me as one.


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