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Pushing myself towards self-writing (Day 22)

I have allowed myself to procrastinate my self-writings remaining within my mind and "feeling" satisfied with the idea of "I will do it later". 

This is not happening only at writing. For instance, I have to go to the doctor, check some tests that I applied at school, etc. and I haven't physically moved myself. I have also observed that this is a repeated pattern that I allow to exist with and as myself in every field I have to express myself.

When I do my self-writings I usually want to write more and more, but I allow myself to wait until the next day and then it becomes easy to me to put it off for more and more days.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to procrastinate my duties.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself the thought "It does not matter, I'll do it later" to exist within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feed myself with thoughts that create the illusion of "everything's okay".

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to remain within my mind and how it makes me "feel" instead of physically standing up and become the directive principle of my life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let my mind be the engine that I feed with thoughts as energy.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to look for excuses to avoid doing my duties. For instance, I everyday have points that I know I have to write down and deconstruct, but I only do some poor self-forgiveness in my mind after applying the four count breath but I sometimes get distracted with what's going on in the environment and I don't finish.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to only apply self-forgiveness in my mind instead of writing them down and really comprehend and get to the roots of the mind reactions/manifestations.

When and as I see myself procrastinating my duties, I stop and breathe. I realize that my participation in procrastinating inhibits me from physically move myself, remaining only within my mind, only thinking about self-forgiveness, but giving no direction to my physical body.

I commit myself to carry with me a notebook everywhere I go in order to write the points I have to write when I am on my own, instead of trusting my mind as a reminder.

I commit myself to deconstruct the points in which I allow myself to procrastinate so as to move myself not as the mind, but physically. 

I commit myself to write at least three times a week.

I commit myself to physically move myself towards the pendent duties I have, thus I will be able to enjoy my present, now and here without being worried about the things I haven't done, constantly existing in the past every time I remember I have procrastinated.


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Getting Angry with Students (Day 30)

Within my job as a teacher I can remember a few moments in which I took things personal, but they happened during my first year. Now, I am on my third year as a teacher and it's hard for me to get angry with students, because I prefer to address the issue through communication and agreements.
Today, I got angry with a student and I didn't even realize it until another student that was next to me said "teacher, don't get angry".
The scenario went as it follows:
Students were presenting oral reports. Before they start, I take the time to tell the class that they have to be quiet while their classmates are performing, because I have to assess them and if there's too much noise, I can't hear very well.
It was hard to me to keep them completely quiet today - teachers know that not all lessons with the same class work the same due to different factors -. So, I had to constantly stop and say "guys, be quiet. Your classmates are performing". That happened d…

When You See Only What You Want To See (Day 162)

Someone made an observation about me after communicating with them a couple of times. They noticed that I tend to see only what I want to see; meaning, that I understand things in the wrong way.

At first I was within myself like “But, how can that be possible if I try to be objective when I observe or listen to the information being shared?”, until today while watching a video and then, when giving it a second watch, I realized that “Hey, the first time I watched the video I understood something completely different to what I am understanding now”.
So, I asked myself “Why did that happen?” and in self-honesty I can say that I was not fully aware of what I was doing. I was watching the video, but at the same time having a chat and also concerned about a problem I had. 
It’s like for moments I am paying attention, but then I go into my mind. Then, I get back to my body/awareness and I listen to the information and ‘understand what I want to understand’ or what it’s related to what I was t…

Mr. Nice [Day 174]

I read a conversation between two people where they were talking about me. Person A was sharing a ‘problem’ that had had with me, while Person B was judged by me as Mr. Nice, because they were not supporting Person A, but adding more to the problem. What I mean by ‘adding more’ = no practical support, but continue talking about the same thing, without a solution, but only supporting Person A’s words without questioning them.

What I didn’t like was that for instance Person A was saying stuff like “He said/did this and that, fuck him”, while Person B went “Yes, that’s too bad,he is wrong, I understand what you are going through. Fuck him”, without even knowing me in person, without even talking to me once at least. So, I went within myself “This person thinks they know me? Plus, Person A’s arguments were an interpretation of the events, so Person B was basically reacting to Person A’s reaction. That’s why I say it was not supportive, but reactive.
Why did I judge Person B as ‘Mr. Nice’? …