miércoles, 12 de marzo de 2014

Saving Memories (Day 21)

During my whole life many songs have been part of my memories. When I listen to them again I feel the same feelings and emotions when I first listened to them.

As I was aware of this point I have manipulated something that came from natural to intentional. For instance, every time I go on holidays I like to download a new band's album in order to "save the moment", so later when I listen to the songs again I am transported to the past towards those "positive" feelings that were part of my life and I allow myself to abuse of memories to bring me something back that I miss because it no longer exists.

I have also done the same with images. When I was 12 years old I remember I moved to another city with my family. It was Sunday night and I was roller-skating. I did not want that moment to end. I wanted to make it last forever in my mind, so I focused on how I was moving; I looked my shadow and took a mind picture that I am able to access whenever I want now.

I wanted to save that moment because the next day I was going to have my first day at school; I was going to be the new student and I was not sure how things were going happen. So, I held onto that specific moment to remain positive, but from fear.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to shoot mind pictures to save a moment in which I feel good in order to remember it whenever I want.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let those mind pictures be my definition of "I". 

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think/believe that I am my memories.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to hold onto memories because I fear the future.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear the future.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think/believe that holding onto memories I am going to be "good".

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to intentionally shoot mind photographs to abuse them later.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think/believe that due to my "ability" to take mind photographs I have the right to do it whenever I want because it's part of me = my definition of self.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define myself as the experiences that I turned into memories.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to activate the mind pictures when I go into songs.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to use songs as a memory keeper.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to go into songs every time I am going to experience something new so as to have a memory within my mind system.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to escape from reality when activating mind pictures/songs trying to make my past exist now and here in my current existence.

When and as I see myself shooting mind pictures and going into songs in order to save a moment and then create a memory that activates whenever I allow myself to go towards memories/songs, I stop and breathe. I realize that every time I am going into memories I am getting distracted from my current existence and self-honesty as breath, as the physical expression of self believing/thinking that I am memories.

I commit myself to stop abusing these techniques that I have acquired/developed since I was a kid every time I have to experience something for the first time in order to be here in every moment and every breath.

I commit myself to bring me back to my physical human body with one breath every time I catch myself wandering within my thoughts/memories/feelings/emotions.

I commit myself to live every new experience without the desire to remain positive through mind pictures/songs.


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