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Mostrando entradas de abril, 2014

Tell Me The Truth! Am I Special? (Day 33)

The other day I remembered the way I was/behaved with my girlfriends and I realized a pattern that always repeats during the first months of relationship. This pattern manifests as questions/doubts about my girlfriends' past experiences in relation to sex/ex-boyfriends. 

There is a moment in which all that I have created within my mind towards my relationships - as positive - requires a justification to continue existing as such. 

This repeated pattern/character is called ego/jealousy that manifests through a process of comparison that when I am not able to "win", ego hurts and therefore assimilates/define my interaction as poor or less than. (With Gfs’ Ex-Boyfriends)

Once that I have defined I "lost the battle", I continue creating friction and blaming girlfriends for feeling "inferior" during the rest of the relationship.

Now that I have been single for almost two years, I realize that if I am not able to forgive myself from all those patterns/character…

Part 2: Self-Judgment (Day 32)

I am continuing with my previous post in which I wrote about how I have designed Judgment towards other human beings and also towards myself. 
I realize that the judgment - before becoming self-judgment - was built/created as fear existing within myself, because I used to judge Christians/preachers that give speeches in the street and thinking/believing/perceiving that everybody looks at them as ridiculous beings.
So, now that I have seen myself doing something (having a little notebook with me to write some points within my process) I apply the same judgment towards myself with thoughts/backchats, like, "I don't want to look/be like them".
I designed the judgment and now that I am doing something, the fear possessed me, but I am currently able to see, understand and realize that I allow myself to participate in that demon I have created/fed. 
This point took me back in time to my childhood, because I was the kid that used to make fun of all my classmates. I called them by n…

Self-Judgment (Day 31)

On one of my previous posts I committed myself to have/carry a little notebook with me so as to write down the points I have to work within myself, because I tend to trust my mind as a reminder but I end up forgetting and putting off.
I bought the little notebook and I have it always with me and one of the first points I wrote was self-judgment. So, that's what I will write about today.
I noticed that after writing on my notebook I thought "I must look like a Christian/preacher when they have their little bibles with them. Do I really look like that? I don't want my friends to think that I have become an orthodox". After writing I gave a look at my friends in case they were looking at me, in order to get some interpretation about what they might be thinking about me and I realized that no one was even paying attention to what I was doing, so I thought "Cool, no one saw me, they don't care, it's not a big deal". 
The next day I went to a party and I met…

Getting Angry with Students (Day 30)

Within my job as a teacher I can remember a few moments in which I took things personal, but they happened during my first year. Now, I am on my third year as a teacher and it's hard for me to get angry with students, because I prefer to address the issue through communication and agreements.
Today, I got angry with a student and I didn't even realize it until another student that was next to me said "teacher, don't get angry".
The scenario went as it follows:
Students were presenting oral reports. Before they start, I take the time to tell the class that they have to be quiet while their classmates are performing, because I have to assess them and if there's too much noise, I can't hear very well.
It was hard to me to keep them completely quiet today - teachers know that not all lessons with the same class work the same due to different factors -. So, I had to constantly stop and say "guys, be quiet. Your classmates are performing". That happened d…

Giving Support at School: "Marijuana" (Day 29)

Yesterday, I was asked by a student "Teacher, let's imagine you have a daughter. What would you do if you catch her smoking?” 
I replied "Smoking what? Cigarettes?" and she said "Yes, uhm and marijuana as well". 
I heard that 2 students from that class had been caught - an hour before- with a joint (not smoking it) in the classroom, so I related what had happened previously with her current question.
It's kind of hard to provide an answer when I actually smoke weed and I do not define it as something "bad" per se. But, within the "teacher's role" we are supposed to attach to morality, values, etc. We are seen/considered almost like priests by parents and society sometimes and "we have to be an example" for their kids. 
I didn't want to give the typical and polarized speech that parents do when they tell their kids that drugs and alcohol are bad and that the only thing they have to do is getting good grades in order to …