martes, 1 de abril de 2014

Procrastination - Part 1: "Punctuality" (Day 24)

Within the next posts I am going to be walking a specific pattern that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate in, which is procrastination in every field I have to express myself towards what I enjoy and don't enjoy.

I am going to start with "punctuality". For a long period of time I have been late for work, practicing with my band and meeting people/friends.

Regarding my job, the typical scenario is as it follows: 

I program my alarm at 6:30 am because I start at 8:00 am. But, when the alarm starts ringing, I add 10 more minutes and then 10 more and so on, until I "feel" pressure and concern for the possible consequences I might face with my boss.

I usually arrive 5 minutes late for work, which is not too much, but as nobody tells me off, I continue doing the same everyday. 

I have realized that I have become addicted to that adrenalin of being in a hurry or "danger", only participating in polarity because when I get up late I am worried/scared of arriving late, but then when I haven't been noticed by my boss, it's like "phew! Everything’s fine!".

So, I am not taking responsibility and moving/changing myself, because I am expecting others to tell me what I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate in polarity when I first feel scared/worried and then once I notice nothing "bad" happened, I participate in the mind activation of a positive feeling of "relief".

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be addicted to polarity movements instead of physical movements.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed and accepted myself to see/realize/understand that I do not have to expect others to tell me what I have to do as something/someone separate from me as one, because if I realize a specific point in self-honesty I have to physically move myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself the thought "just 10 more minutes - once the alarm rings - I bet I can make it again" - to exist within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to trust my own thoughts and back chats. 

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let my mind, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and back chats direct my physical movement. 

When and as I see myself reacting with the desire of sleeping 10 more minutes after the alarm rings, I stop and breathe. I realize that my participation in the desire/thoughts of remaining there inhibits me from physically move myself and be me as the physical the directive principle of my experience.

I commit myself to stop and breathe once I hear the first ringing of my alarm at 6:30 when I have to be at work at 8:00 am. and release the energy.

I commit myself to get up immediately after the alarm rings at 6:30 and after doing the four-count breath.


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