In my previous post I focused on the repetitive procrastination patterns within myself towards my job. Today, I am going to investigate through self-writing and self-honesty the same patterns that exist at a friend/band level.
Even though I can just get stuck in my mind hating the system as it exists as a routine in which the most common jobs have specific schedules, "everyday the same shit from 8:00 am to 5 pm", I prefer to move myself instead of blaming others, because my participation is being manipulated as my mind system. Why do I say this? Because when I know that schedules have been already scheduled/established by a formal entity, it's easy to just complain and go hide ourselves within a victim role/character.
But, I have observed that when I have to tell my friends/band "let's meet at…." or "I'll pick you up at…" I also arrive late and nobody established/set up the time but me and there's no one to blame/hate.
When I propose a specific time to meet, I realize that the time we (my friends and I) have to meet came from what I knew it would be efficient/effective.
When meeting my friends the scenario goes as it follows:
I am in my bed using my laptop, watching videos, documentaries, reading some stuff, etc. Then we agree to meet. Let's suppose it's 5pm and we agree to meet at 6:30. I propose 6:30 because considering I have to finish watching/reading, then taking a shower, getting dressed, etc. it should be doable/attainable.
But, I repeat the same pattern that exists at the work field. "It's 5:30…I can do everything in 1 hour!". Then, it's 5:45 and I think, "Just 10 minutes more… I can get ready in 45 minutes", etc., etc., etc. until I am really late, I do everything fast and finally, the outcome is me being late (again). So, I can't blame schedule structures per se, because it's about my participation towards my environment/routines/activities, and within MY participation there is MY responsibility.
When and as I see myself remaining within my mind as me playing energetic tricks/games manifesting as polarity movements within and without, I stop and breathe. I realize that my participation in those tricks/games of having less time in order to experience adrenaline and gain courage justifying myself from/as thoughts like "I can do it!" are not changing anything in reality, because it does not matter how much I think "positive", because it's the mind, and the mind will not create a physical change; the mind REMAINS pre-programmed and the body CHANGES as actions in commonsense according to what is here in the physical reality. The ideas/thoughts in my mind as quantum are dissonant with my physical reality/existence as breath in every moment as one and equal.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to trust my "positive" thoughts of "I can do it!" when I am late.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let my positive thoughts direct my physical expression/existence/manifestation.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to witness how I as the mind think positive and then I manifest the negative (being late) in reality and doing nothing about it to change it.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to require gaining courage from thoughts every time I have to do something, instead of me being courage.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think/believe/perceive that if I don't feel that pressure/adrenaline I am not going to be myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define myself according to the patterns/behavior that compound my personality.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think/believe/perceive that I am my personality because I am trusting my existence from the past as patterns existing/manifesting in time loops and therefore, defining myself based on my empirically-repetitive past experience
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to exist in the past as my self-defined personality instead of living here in the present physical reality.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to look for excuses to tell my friends that I really couldn't make it when I have noticed they were expecting me for a long period of time.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to blame the system in which I participate as if the rest would be responsible for having to be committed with schedules, but in reality, it's me the responsible; I am creating the routine as the mind.
When and as I see myself abusing myself within the participation/belief of thoughts as positive feelings to remain the same and causing no change in physical reality, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am physically doing the same over and over again, being me the one responsible for everything I experience.
I commit myself to physically move myself towards my duties/activities in my first conscious moment I know I have to move, without participating in my mind when I start noticing I am running out of time.
I commit myself to stop and breathe every time I allow myself 5 or 10 more minutes to remain in my mind with the positive thought "I can make it", in order to stop my participation in my pre-programming and physically move/change myself instead of existing as an organic robot.