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Creating a Different Relationship with/towards Songs/Music (Day 34)

Here I will deconstruct the relationship with music/songs that I have built throughout my whole life. This includes listening to music, playing it with my band and how I go mind-directed when being exposed to melodies and then, I suddenly end up living/existing/participating in mind movies/scenarios/imagination/thoughts instead of being HERE.

Imagination/thoughts while listening to music:

Playing songs/music with my band in a concert/gig in front of certain people. 

Getting/creating an emotional reaction from the audience towards myself.


Not being One and Equal in self-expression from/within the physical as who I really am now, in real time.

Separation for the attachment to a self-definition coming from others to oneself.

Self-Forgiveness/De-construction Process:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself playing with my band while listening to songs/music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to get an emotional reaction on people - while imagining I am playing with my band when listening to songs/music- and then turn it into a positive feeling towards myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that imagination occurs when I am allowing and accepting myself to become the mind and that my participation in mind scenarios/pictures/movies/imagination/thoughts charge/re-charge and provide life/existence to a positive feeling in which I remain for the pleasure experienced within dishonesty along with the positive/acceptable legitimization of self.

When and as I see myself giving life to positive feelings that come from imagination/mind scenarios, in which I am creating/causing an emotional reaction on people while playing and listening to songs that will - at the same time - activate a positive feeling on me and (ab)using it to create/build/construct/establish my self-definition, I stop and breathe. 

I realize that when I define myself based on what I think/believe/perceive others are feeling towards myself, I am only accepting and allowing myself to be as the mind; limited, pre-programmed, with no self-awareness, and not realizing/understanding that what is real is NOW and HERE, in every moment and every breath, as what it makes me One and Equal to every single human being on earth, which is the physical as self-expression in self-honesty and self-trust. 


I commit myself to stop and breathe when realizing I am participating/charging/re-charging/giving life to any thought/feeling/emotion while playing and/or listening to songs/music, in order to stop my participation within the mind and bring myself back HERE to express/experience myself as/from the physical, because that is what it makes me One and Equal with this existence. Not the pre-programmed and limited mind system and its thoughts/feelings/emotions that divert my attention from physical REALity.


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Today, I got angry with a student and I didn't even realize it until another student that was next to me said "teacher, don't get angry".
The scenario went as it follows:
Students were presenting oral reports. Before they start, I take the time to tell the class that they have to be quiet while their classmates are performing, because I have to assess them and if there's too much noise, I can't hear very well.
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The way this came up was as fear; fear of losing, but more specifically, fear of not being ‘loved’ or that everything that X could possibly develop as energy towards myself was decaying. So, in the back of my mind, there was this idea that in order for me to be 'loved'/'liked', I required some energy.
I have realized that this emotional shifts happen when I believe in my thoughts when I am alone or when I judge what X shares with me. These shifts happen very fast and I realize that I activate the pattern but I become aware of it once already being in the emotional reaction.
When this happens, I tend to go “This is not gonna work. They are not feeling the same. They are faking it. This is only a game”, when actually the one that is participating in …