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Creating a Different Relationship with/towards Songs/Music (Day 34)

Here I will deconstruct the relationship with music/songs that I have built throughout my whole life. This includes listening to music, playing it with my band and how I go mind-directed when being exposed to melodies and then, I suddenly end up living/existing/participating in mind movies/scenarios/imagination/thoughts instead of being HERE.

Imagination/thoughts while listening to music:

Playing songs/music with my band in a concert/gig in front of certain people. 

Getting/creating an emotional reaction from the audience towards myself.


Not being One and Equal in self-expression from/within the physical as who I really am now, in real time.

Separation for the attachment to a self-definition coming from others to oneself.

Self-Forgiveness/De-construction Process:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself playing with my band while listening to songs/music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to get an emotional reaction on people - while imagining I am playing with my band when listening to songs/music- and then turn it into a positive feeling towards myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that imagination occurs when I am allowing and accepting myself to become the mind and that my participation in mind scenarios/pictures/movies/imagination/thoughts charge/re-charge and provide life/existence to a positive feeling in which I remain for the pleasure experienced within dishonesty along with the positive/acceptable legitimization of self.

When and as I see myself giving life to positive feelings that come from imagination/mind scenarios, in which I am creating/causing an emotional reaction on people while playing and listening to songs that will - at the same time - activate a positive feeling on me and (ab)using it to create/build/construct/establish my self-definition, I stop and breathe. 

I realize that when I define myself based on what I think/believe/perceive others are feeling towards myself, I am only accepting and allowing myself to be as the mind; limited, pre-programmed, with no self-awareness, and not realizing/understanding that what is real is NOW and HERE, in every moment and every breath, as what it makes me One and Equal to every single human being on earth, which is the physical as self-expression in self-honesty and self-trust. 


I commit myself to stop and breathe when realizing I am participating/charging/re-charging/giving life to any thought/feeling/emotion while playing and/or listening to songs/music, in order to stop my participation within the mind and bring myself back HERE to express/experience myself as/from the physical, because that is what it makes me One and Equal with this existence. Not the pre-programmed and limited mind system and its thoughts/feelings/emotions that divert my attention from physical REALity.


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Getting Angry with Students (Day 30)

Within my job as a teacher I can remember a few moments in which I took things personal, but they happened during my first year. Now, I am on my third year as a teacher and it's hard for me to get angry with students, because I prefer to address the issue through communication and agreements.
Today, I got angry with a student and I didn't even realize it until another student that was next to me said "teacher, don't get angry".
The scenario went as it follows:
Students were presenting oral reports. Before they start, I take the time to tell the class that they have to be quiet while their classmates are performing, because I have to assess them and if there's too much noise, I can't hear very well.
It was hard to me to keep them completely quiet today - teachers know that not all lessons with the same class work the same due to different factors -. So, I had to constantly stop and say "guys, be quiet. Your classmates are performing". That happened d…

When You See Only What You Want To See (Day 162)

Someone made an observation about me after communicating with them a couple of times. They noticed that I tend to see only what I want to see; meaning, that I understand things in the wrong way.

At first I was within myself like “But, how can that be possible if I try to be objective when I observe or listen to the information being shared?”, until today while watching a video and then, when giving it a second watch, I realized that “Hey, the first time I watched the video I understood something completely different to what I am understanding now”.
So, I asked myself “Why did that happen?” and in self-honesty I can say that I was not fully aware of what I was doing. I was watching the video, but at the same time having a chat and also concerned about a problem I had. 
It’s like for moments I am paying attention, but then I go into my mind. Then, I get back to my body/awareness and I listen to the information and ‘understand what I want to understand’ or what it’s related to what I was t…

Mr. Nice [Day 174]

I read a conversation between two people where they were talking about me. Person A was sharing a ‘problem’ that had had with me, while Person B was judged by me as Mr. Nice, because they were not supporting Person A, but adding more to the problem. What I mean by ‘adding more’ = no practical support, but continue talking about the same thing, without a solution, but only supporting Person A’s words without questioning them.

What I didn’t like was that for instance Person A was saying stuff like “He said/did this and that, fuck him”, while Person B went “Yes, that’s too bad,he is wrong, I understand what you are going through. Fuck him”, without even knowing me in person, without even talking to me once at least. So, I went within myself “This person thinks they know me? Plus, Person A’s arguments were an interpretation of the events, so Person B was basically reacting to Person A’s reaction. That’s why I say it was not supportive, but reactive.
Why did I judge Person B as ‘Mr. Nice’? …