lunes, 16 de junio de 2014

I See Myself in You (Day 39)

I remember mom telling me that my youngest sister and I are very alike (Personality traits). Mom even mentioned that she experienced the same symptoms during both pregnancies She said that we even moved very similar when we were inside the womb. 

Before my youngest sister was born, I interacted a lot with my other younger sister. We were very close, we played together everyday and I cared a lot about her. I always protected her. 

But when my youngest sister was born, my relationship with my younger sister was not the same, because they both started interacting more. I never felt rejected or anything like that, because I always had my own friends and it was all fine. 

The point is that there was a phase in which I started behaving "bad", for instance when mom asked me something I reacted negatively, with an aggressive/disrespectful attitude and I noticed that my youngest sister learned that from me.

I don't have a "bad" relationship with my youngest sister but we always fight, we always have different opinions.

My dad says that all the "bad aspects" I see on her, are the same she sees on me. So, I have noticed that as we are very similar in our attitude, we tend to complain about each other.

Yesterday, we had a little argument because she was correcting mom about how to pronounce a specific word. I asked "Why is that? What's important is what a being wants to express; it does not matter if she/he makes mistakes when saying something". And my youngest sister said, "The language was made to be spoken correctly. What you are saying is out of context. You tend to analyze things too deep". I said, "It's not out of context, it's about the same phenomenon/situation you are referring to".

I remember correcting mom as well in the past, so now that I am seeing things differently, it is easy for me to see myself as I used to be in my youngest sister. 

At first I thought this was something uncomfortable. I have even said/thought "I wish she wouldn't exist", "When she was born, everything changed". But now I know that all the "bad things" I am seeing on her are a gift, an opportunity to change and correct myself. Because instead of trying to make my sister realize that she is "wrong", I prefer to take the systems existing within her-self, place them within my-self and release them. But sometimes I feel like saying "Come on! Wake up. You are living in a bubble" and there are things that I do not agree with and I don't want her to think she is "right", that's why I ask questions when she says something that I define as "wrong", but I notice she reacts angrily, just the way I do/did, and then I go "But it's not necessary to get angry" and that creates more and more friction between us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my youngest wouldn't exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder within my mind "how would everything be without her existing?".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry when I notice my youngest sister is "wrong".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry when noticing that my sister treats mom the same way I used to in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to correct my sister with words instead of actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only create friction when trying to make my youngest sister realize she is not doing "right".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that the systems existing within my youngest sister are the same that exist/existed within myself and that are so easy to blame/hate instead of placing them within myself and release them. In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my sister to change, because I think/believe that I have changed and that she has to do the same.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not teach my beings with the example, because in actions I still do probably the same; I sometimes catch myself reacting angrily with my mom, specially when she tries to help me and I feel collapsed/useless, desiring to say "shut up! Leave me alone. I can do this on own. Get out!”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that when my mom tries to help me I react because I notice how much I still have to learn  and as she expresses herself in a very loving way, the opposite outcrops within myself towards her, taking advantage of an "inferior" being. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself with the belief that I am abusing another being when noticing he/she is very kind.

When and as I see myself desiring to change my youngest sister because I notice she is participating within the same systems I have identified within myself, I stop and breathe. I realize that the only way those systems are going to disappear is placing them within myself and release them with self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I notice my sister is doing the same things I used to, in order to avoid any reaction that might create friction instead of a solution for all. 

I commit myself to place the systems existing within my youngest sister and place them within myself and write down self-forgiveness in order to release them.

When and as I see myself reacting angrily towards my mom when she suggests me something or when she wants to help me and I feel useless or that I still have a lot to learn, I stop and breathe. I realize that when someone approaches me and wants to help me I have to see how I can be more efficient/effective instead of participating within my mind with pre-programmed reactions of polarity. 

I commit myself to stop and breathe when my mom is trying to help me, in order to make sure I am HERE in life, and not OUT THERE in the mind.

I commit myself to listen to my mom when she suggests me something, because after I have reacted angrily, I realize "She was totally right. I shouldn't have reacted like that", feeling bad/guilty/regret for what I did.


domingo, 15 de junio de 2014

She Became Ugly! (Day 38)

The other day I saw a friend's ex girlfriend in the street and I gave her a look at her whole human physical body and I had a backchat that said "She Became ugly", and then more thoughts started coming, for instance: "probably she got fucked too many times that her body became fat with no shape, because she wasn't like that before", "Probably she has been fucking a guy that does not know how to touch/fuck her and she became fat".

These thoughts/backchats lasted like 10 seconds, until I realized I was reacting, so I stopped and breathed in order to stop my participation with my mind system.

I started saying the self-forgiveness aloud, but it was hard because there were too many people and noise in the streets because the world cup match thing was about to start and all the noise/crowd got me distracted. 

So, here I am going to write it down...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge a human being based on her human physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare a human being based on the way her body used to look and how it is now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the thoughts/backchats "She Became ugly", "probably she got fucked too many times that her body became fat with no shape, because she wasn't like that before", "Probably she has been fucking a guy that down not know how to touch/fuck her and she became fat" to exist within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my human physical body might change and become "ugly" as I have observed in this girl.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct my fears towards another human being separate from me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more importance to the way a human body is instead of what beings are (life).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define as "poor girl" a being that has changed in her human physical body traits without considering that the human physical body changes when beings get older, have kids, etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting older. 

When and as I see myself reacting with thoughts/backchats that make comparisons towards human physical bodies that have changed, I stop and breathe. I realize that a human physical body changes due to different factors and that I am not accepting the physical reality, because instead of paying attention to life, I am giving more importance to an image I have created within my mind based on the past, without seeing/accepting reality as the present moment.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I start reacting with thoughts/backchats that compare a human physical body as the way it used to be and how it is now.


miércoles, 11 de junio de 2014

What Does a "LIKE" Mean on Facebook? (Day 37)

When referring to "likes" on Facebook we are conditioned to make a decision after seeing the posted video/comment/picture.

The Facebook platform gives its users 2 options; you like it or not.

I have been under the insecurity/doubt of "should I press the like button?", even judging myself for the "decision" I have to make, because I have to whether "like" or "ignore".

This also works as a validation/legitimization of self. I see it on my students when they talk about how many "likes" their uploaded/shared/posted pictures had, feeling "good"/"accepted" if they had lots of "likes".

The other polarity side of the "liked"/"accepted" beings experience the opposite when they do not get the same "likes". 

This creates discrimination, because it manifests the "better ones" and the "worse ones". Therefore, a re-definition must be addressed.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate in the belief that the more likes you get, the better you/your material/comment/picture/video is.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience "guilt" when someone shows me something that I do not agree with and I think "should I like this?”

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to discriminate under the given decision of "like" or "ignore".

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate in polarity equations and as a result, I experience feelings/emotions/thoughts/judgments.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not see, realize and understand that when I am about to "like" something, I am limited within an online platform that dictates how my manifestations must be.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not comprehend how things work and just participate in them without questioning myself who am I relation to them.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience the thought "no-one supported this. There must be something wrong with me/my material/content/video/comment" to exist within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to adapt myself to the things most commonly liked in order to be liked as well, instead of focusing on my self-expression of being just me as one in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear not being liked either on the Internet or in person.

When and as I see myself watching anything posted on the net wherein I have the choice to like it or not, I stop and breathe. I realize that my participation/manifestation/expression is limited under a polarity equation. That's why after I express/manifest/participate within those limited choices I then experience something polarized such as joy/happiness or guilt/regret/disappointment/rejection.

I commit myself to give a different meaning to the "likes" on Facebook or any online platform in order to be me the one who directs my expression and not being limited/conditioned by a polarized choice.

I commit myself to establish the "likes" = I see/saw you/it, I read you/I read it, I took the time to look at it, I directed my attention to you/it, I was there - no matter I liked it or not.


My Facebook Persona (Day 36)

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to try to keep a specific image of myself in order to present it to other beings and be accepted or defined under a "positive" idea.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience embarrassment even when thinking of the idea of doing the self-forgiveness about this.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to physically react with an emotion of embarrassment when thinking of the idea of doing the self-forgiveness about this specific point and get blushed after picturing other beings reading this self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to get angry when I realized that after I uploaded a picture of me and then a video about how the mind works, I suddenly noticed that people liked my picture more instead of the "supportive" video. That's why I thought "what's wrong with people? Do they give more importance/attention to a picture than to a supportive video/information about the mind everybody has?".

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to desire to get attention/likes from the things I post on Facebook.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to desire to erase all my pictures on Facebook in order stop hiding behind a specific persona and wanting people to only pay attention to what I define as "important".

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to judge myself when thinking, "I am someone that can support other beings with everything I do, but I am not doing anything. I am just posting pictures and by the time I want to do something "supportive", nobody pays attention to it".

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to depend on how I interpret people's reactions to "feel good", to "feel accepted".

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not stand alone as just me and focusing on my own individual process to start changing my-self and just being locked down the idea/perception/thought/belief that I have to make people change with only presenting/sharing information that are only words/information that I sometimes haven't even lived.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to only move after experiencing thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feel curiosity about people if they saw/watched what I have posted, because that would mean an "approval" to me, like a "keep going"/"you're doing fine"/"you're not crazy"/"you're not a dork".

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to require other beings' approval in order to move myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear what other beings may think of me, feeding that pattern/system with more and more thoughts and then react with feelings/emotions that make me an abusive slave.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let my mind control my-self.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react to my pre-programmed mind and forgetting that I am not my mind.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not be here in every moment and every breath as who I am; one and equal with life. 

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not support/assist myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not see/realize/understand that I only have me and that I have to stand alone with me and love myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear what other beings might think that I am kind of "depressed" for doing self-forgiveness and mentioning "I have to love/support/assist myself". 

When and as I see myself requiring other being's approval and judging myself and other people based on their reaction to what I post on Facebook, I stop and breathe. I realize that my participation in those thoughts, judgments, emotions and feelings only make me experience negative emotions and the desire of saying "fuck everyone!", creating distraction within my process and being stuck while waiting for that so called approval I am seeking for before continuing.

I commit myself to make sure I stop and breathe when I am going to express myself on the Internet and in person.

I commit myself to accept myself as just me and stand alone assisting/supporting/loving myself through writing down and let go everything of the mind that is not I.

I commit myself to stop my participation in self-judgment every time I do something and expecting others to manifest towards myself.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I catch myself waiting for any sort of approval, because in doing so, I wouldn't be supporting/assisting/loving myself. In this, I also commit myself to be opened to any sort of observation people may express towards myself, but without expecting it as an approval.