domingo, 15 de junio de 2014

She Became Ugly! (Day 38)

The other day I saw a friend's ex girlfriend in the street and I gave her a look at her whole human physical body and I had a backchat that said "She Became ugly", and then more thoughts started coming, for instance: "probably she got fucked too many times that her body became fat with no shape, because she wasn't like that before", "Probably she has been fucking a guy that does not know how to touch/fuck her and she became fat".

These thoughts/backchats lasted like 10 seconds, until I realized I was reacting, so I stopped and breathed in order to stop my participation with my mind system.

I started saying the self-forgiveness aloud, but it was hard because there were too many people and noise in the streets because the world cup match thing was about to start and all the noise/crowd got me distracted. 

So, here I am going to write it down...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge a human being based on her human physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare a human being based on the way her body used to look and how it is now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the thoughts/backchats "She Became ugly", "probably she got fucked too many times that her body became fat with no shape, because she wasn't like that before", "Probably she has been fucking a guy that down not know how to touch/fuck her and she became fat" to exist within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my human physical body might change and become "ugly" as I have observed in this girl.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct my fears towards another human being separate from me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more importance to the way a human body is instead of what beings are (life).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define as "poor girl" a being that has changed in her human physical body traits without considering that the human physical body changes when beings get older, have kids, etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting older. 

When and as I see myself reacting with thoughts/backchats that make comparisons towards human physical bodies that have changed, I stop and breathe. I realize that a human physical body changes due to different factors and that I am not accepting the physical reality, because instead of paying attention to life, I am giving more importance to an image I have created within my mind based on the past, without seeing/accepting reality as the present moment.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I start reacting with thoughts/backchats that compare a human physical body as the way it used to be and how it is now.


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