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Part VI: The Endless Cycle of Complaining at Lunchtime (Day 50)

This is the continuation of my previous post in which I saw how I had made a connection between me doing something what my mom did/does (serving lunch) that I had defined as an "inferior" action due to my perception towards her and thus feeling inferior when doing the same. (Mom + Serving Dinner = A Submissive Action)

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define what my mom does as an inferior action.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to judge my mom.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to give more value to my perceptions towards my mom instead of seeing her common sense actions. 

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become my own definition of inferiority when doing what mom does, ending up in self-judgment.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let this energetic reactions of inferiority get me distracted from my current moment.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think, believe and perceive that I will be perceived as an inferior being for serving lunch.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to give more importance to how other people might perceive me while serving lunch instead of the action of helping others get their food and feed their bodies.

When and as I see myself experiencing my own judgment that I have created towards other people in my world, I stop and breathe. I realize that that isn't real. It's just my mind making a connection from what I have observed and defined from the past with what I am doing right now.

I commit myself to stop my judgments and get focused on my current experiences, because if I allow myself to get distracted with "how I feel" while helping others I will only keep existing in my mind and not living reality as what it's here in my now and here. 


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Getting Angry with Students (Day 30)

Within my job as a teacher I can remember a few moments in which I took things personal, but they happened during my first year. Now, I am on my third year as a teacher and it's hard for me to get angry with students, because I prefer to address the issue through communication and agreements.
Today, I got angry with a student and I didn't even realize it until another student that was next to me said "teacher, don't get angry".
The scenario went as it follows:
Students were presenting oral reports. Before they start, I take the time to tell the class that they have to be quiet while their classmates are performing, because I have to assess them and if there's too much noise, I can't hear very well.
It was hard to me to keep them completely quiet today - teachers know that not all lessons with the same class work the same due to different factors -. So, I had to constantly stop and say "guys, be quiet. Your classmates are performing". That happened d…

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Someone made an observation about me after communicating with them a couple of times. They noticed that I tend to see only what I want to see; meaning, that I understand things in the wrong way.

At first I was within myself like “But, how can that be possible if I try to be objective when I observe or listen to the information being shared?”, until today while watching a video and then, when giving it a second watch, I realized that “Hey, the first time I watched the video I understood something completely different to what I am understanding now”.
So, I asked myself “Why did that happen?” and in self-honesty I can say that I was not fully aware of what I was doing. I was watching the video, but at the same time having a chat and also concerned about a problem I had. 
It’s like for moments I am paying attention, but then I go into my mind. Then, I get back to my body/awareness and I listen to the information and ‘understand what I want to understand’ or what it’s related to what I was t…

Mr. Nice [Day 174]

I read a conversation between two people where they were talking about me. Person A was sharing a ‘problem’ that had had with me, while Person B was judged by me as Mr. Nice, because they were not supporting Person A, but adding more to the problem. What I mean by ‘adding more’ = no practical support, but continue talking about the same thing, without a solution, but only supporting Person A’s words without questioning them.

What I didn’t like was that for instance Person A was saying stuff like “He said/did this and that, fuck him”, while Person B went “Yes, that’s too bad,he is wrong, I understand what you are going through. Fuck him”, without even knowing me in person, without even talking to me once at least. So, I went within myself “This person thinks they know me? Plus, Person A’s arguments were an interpretation of the events, so Person B was basically reacting to Person A’s reaction. That’s why I say it was not supportive, but reactive.
Why did I judge Person B as ‘Mr. Nice’? …