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Ugly & Boring (Day 53)

I was on Facebook and I saw a picture of a girl I knew with her kind of new bf.

My backchat was "That guy's ugly, she is kind of hot. Why does she like him? Probably she gets what she wants with that guy. She must have been desperate for not being taken in consideration and that's the only guy who paid attention to her in the way she expected guys should be".

I remember that I went out with that girl twice. The first time was boring. It was like we were too different and the aspects I mentioned about my life had nothing to do with hers, so I defined her as Boring and Superficial.

The second time we met, I arrived like 3 hours late to our "date" and she had a long face and I ended up talking to one of her friends and I didn't even care about her because I had already defined her as a "boring girl".

So, now as I saw the picture of her and her new bf, I reacted with the back chats I already mentioned and also this belief that "I am way better than that guy", comparing myself and judging her decisions for picking that guy to hang out with and then become a couple lol.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to judge human beings for their physical appearance. 

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to compare myself with other beings that I define as "less than me" based on our physical appearance.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think, believe and perceive that I am better than other human beings.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think, believe and perceive that there exist better and worse people in the world based on physical appearance.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think, believe and perceive that there exist boring people in the world because they are apparently not able to understand what I understand based on life experiences.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react with the backchats "That guy's ugly, she is kind of hot. Why does she like him? Probably she gets what she wants with that guy. She must have been desperate for not being taken in consideration and that's the only guy who paid attention to her in the way she expected guys should be".

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think, believe and perceive that a boring girl deserves an ugly guy because they perfectly complement each other, because they both are in an "inferior" position.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think, believe and perceive that "ugly" people and/or "boring" people are inferior.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think, believe and perceive that as I am not ugly and/or boring I am a better person… better than both of them. 

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think "I could have easily had that boring girl with her nice ass if I would have wanted, I just had to follow a specific behavioral pattern in order to supply all her boring needs so as to be perceived by her as a possible bf".

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think believe and perceive that the way I am does not fit in with the girls' needs, because they expect a guy that entertains them and that he is punctual, which I am not lol.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define the way I am as "unpunctual" and "not willing to behave like being in charge of the girls I date".

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think, believe and perceive that ugly people are punctual and willing to accept commitments because that's the only thing they can do in order to get what they want: a nice girl, but as they are not being themselves; they are just following a pre-programmed pattern based on sexual survival.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think, believe and perceive that what I think about people is the truth of the events, without seeing, realizing and understanding that I am just projecting what exists within myself towards the people in my environment. And that that does not necessarily means I am right, that my judgment is right, otherwise everything we think would be real. 

When and as I see myself judging people for the way they look/are and I think, believe and perceive that I am more than that because I think that as I am able to identify some behavioral patterns within myself, that means that I am almost able to read people's minds through their behavior as well and then I judge them as inferior due to their decisions and or physical appearance, I stop and breathe. I realize that my participation in those judgment does not lead me into any self-learning / self-expansion process, because I am not taking self-responsibility and/or assessing myself within my reactions; I am just defining them as real and experiencing a positive reaction for thinking, believing and perceiving that I am right. In this, I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience a positive reaction when thinking, believing and perceiving that what's on my mind towards other people is the truth, it's real.

I commit myself to stop my judgment towards other people's decisions when they decide with whom to have a relationship.

I commit myself to stop believing that what I think about other people is real.

I commit myself to stop comparing myself with the people I define as ugly and boring.

I commit myself to work on the points of punctuality and commitments in order to stop my self-definitions that limit myself.


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