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Part II: Testing People through Changing my Behavior (Day 66)

This is the continuation of the post Testing People through Changing my Behavior (Day 62). So, here I go with the Self-Forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not really be here as self-awareness when I change my behavior in certain scenarios with certain beings in my environment.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not see, realize and understand that the switch in my behavior occurs within and as a reaction of judgment that I didn’t see coming because I was not aware of myself as my physical expression.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react with a change in my behavior trying to challenge the expression of another human being after I labeled them as “people that only express themselves as judgment”.  

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think, believe and perceive that in changing my behavior as a reaction/judgment towards other “people that only express themselves as judgment” is the solution to make this world a better place as an application fostering the removal of human beings’ judgments.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not see, realize and understand that I can “challenge” other beings as a game in which everyone is willing to deconstruct self, for instance Maieutics, once we all agreed. Or even just try it, but not emotionally reacting and then get guided by my judgments.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react from the desire of “revenge” when people I have labeled as "judges" are acting/inter-acting within/as my imagination as possible future scenarios wherein I see these beings experiencing Remorse and Regret for not realizing that they could have changed themselves earlier in their lives without having to experience a realization within and as a negatively charged emotion.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not see, realize and understand that all the “negativity” I am able to see in other beings functions as a mirror that shows me what I am accepting and allowing to exist within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not effectively decode what’s on my mind system in order to be aware of the indicators that are showing me - as a reflection - what it requires assistance and support within myself.

When and as I see myself changing my behavior as a reaction of a previous judgment I made towards another being, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that it’s not “bad” or “wrong” to express myself in a manner that fosters to get to know others through placing them in certain scenarios, but once I have made sure I am here as self-awareness and self-control.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I “feel” like I want to test people in order to make sure I am here, that it’s just a game in order to get to know other people’s opinions.

I commit myself to not take for granted the thought that other people are full of judgments, because that would also make ME a person full of judgments that is not able to get to know more other beings and thus, I only end up making anticipated assumptions/conclusion giving more importance to the definitions of the mind instead of really expressing and sharing life as all, as one, as equal. 


Entradas populares de este blog

Getting Angry with Students (Day 30)

Within my job as a teacher I can remember a few moments in which I took things personal, but they happened during my first year. Now, I am on my third year as a teacher and it's hard for me to get angry with students, because I prefer to address the issue through communication and agreements.
Today, I got angry with a student and I didn't even realize it until another student that was next to me said "teacher, don't get angry".
The scenario went as it follows:
Students were presenting oral reports. Before they start, I take the time to tell the class that they have to be quiet while their classmates are performing, because I have to assess them and if there's too much noise, I can't hear very well.
It was hard to me to keep them completely quiet today - teachers know that not all lessons with the same class work the same due to different factors -. So, I had to constantly stop and say "guys, be quiet. Your classmates are performing". That happened d…

When You See Only What You Want To See (Day 162)

Someone made an observation about me after communicating with them a couple of times. They noticed that I tend to see only what I want to see; meaning, that I understand things in the wrong way.

At first I was within myself like “But, how can that be possible if I try to be objective when I observe or listen to the information being shared?”, until today while watching a video and then, when giving it a second watch, I realized that “Hey, the first time I watched the video I understood something completely different to what I am understanding now”.
So, I asked myself “Why did that happen?” and in self-honesty I can say that I was not fully aware of what I was doing. I was watching the video, but at the same time having a chat and also concerned about a problem I had. 
It’s like for moments I am paying attention, but then I go into my mind. Then, I get back to my body/awareness and I listen to the information and ‘understand what I want to understand’ or what it’s related to what I was t…

Mr. Nice [Day 174]

I read a conversation between two people where they were talking about me. Person A was sharing a ‘problem’ that had had with me, while Person B was judged by me as Mr. Nice, because they were not supporting Person A, but adding more to the problem. What I mean by ‘adding more’ = no practical support, but continue talking about the same thing, without a solution, but only supporting Person A’s words without questioning them.

What I didn’t like was that for instance Person A was saying stuff like “He said/did this and that, fuck him”, while Person B went “Yes, that’s too bad,he is wrong, I understand what you are going through. Fuck him”, without even knowing me in person, without even talking to me once at least. So, I went within myself “This person thinks they know me? Plus, Person A’s arguments were an interpretation of the events, so Person B was basically reacting to Person A’s reaction. That’s why I say it was not supportive, but reactive.
Why did I judge Person B as ‘Mr. Nice’? …