sábado, 21 de febrero de 2015

Part II - Your Ego is not your Amigo (Day 64)

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to depend on my friends’ mood to be able to express myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think/believe that if I go out without my friends I am going to get bored.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to
think/believe that my friends are
responsible for the way I experience
myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think/believe that I require to be with my friends to express myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear what other people may think of me if they see me alone.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think/believe that if I am alone that means I am depressed or going through a bad moment in my life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not see, realize and understand that each person is responsible for the way one experiences self.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not see, realize and understand that if I am using friendship as a “tool” to do the things I am not able to do on my own, the starting point within that relationship is fear.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear being alone.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not see, realize and understand that if there is a resistance towards doing something alone it’s an opportunity for me to walk that fear in order to see, realize and understand that I am not going to die if I do things on my own without the presence of my friends.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to relate fear of being alone with fear of death.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think, believe and perceive that I am going to look like a freak if I go out and experience myself with the silence.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not see, realize and understand that the silence is an opportunity for me to become aware that I am here with my breathing, that I exist and as I exist I can create/build what's best for me and best for all.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear realizing that I exist as One and that I am responsible for my creation. 

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear intimacy with myself without seeing, realizing and understanding that that intimacy and silence I experience while I am breathing is me living as one and therefore, an indicator that I am responsible for what I create while expressing myself here.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to interpret the enjoyment of my friends as a part of me without seeing, realizing and understanding that I am living “fun” through the expression of another and as I see them having fun, I feel the acceptance that I am doing good.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think, believe and perceive that I am a boring person.

When and as I see myself fearing doing something on my own when my friends are not available, I stop and breathe. I realize that if I want to express myself through going out, eating, listening to music, etc. I have to do it without fearing my own existence as something boring, because in expressing myself alone I am going to be able to accept myself, to know who I am in my own presence and also be able to be here as one even when I am in the presence of other people.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I realize my friends are busy or that they just simply do not feel like going out, in order to make my starting point clear and see whether I really require the presence of my friends or it’s just an excuse to not allow myself to experience myself with me.

When and as I see myself thinking, believing and perceiving that I am a boring person, I stop and breathe. I see realize and understand that the only way I can say “I am boring” is when I compare myself with other beings/moments or when I interpret my friends' body language as if they got bored while being with me, but in doing so, I am not realizing that each person is responsible for the way they experience themselves and if they feel awkward while being in silence it’s because some people defines silence = awkward because they might take it personal as I used to.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I’m thinking “I am boring” so as to make sure that I am here and find out the reasons why I am thinking that and be able to assess myself within those points through self-writing and also as a topic to talk with my friends and avoid misunderstandings that happen when one remain within interpretations only.

I commit myself to stop defining myself based on my experiences with other people, because in doing so I am forgetting the real self that exist breath by breath in every moment as one. 

No hay comentarios:

Publicar un comentario