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Part II: Helping Beggars? (Day 68)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that giving more money to beggars is the solution to finish with poverty and inequality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience blame when thinking that I am being too tight with the money I usually give to beggars.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to give more money to beggars in order to avoid experiencing blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more importance to avoid experiencing blame as if that positive feeling I get after doing something "charitable"was to create a solution for poverty and inequality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in considering to give more money to beggars, my starting point is Self-Interest, because I am more focused on not experiencing blame instead of realizing the real change that has to happen in order to abolish poverty and inequality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that beggars must act the same when I give them my money, because if they ask for more, I think that they want to take advantage of my “good intentions” and that they only have to accept without questions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react angrily within myself when interacting with a beggar because he asked for more money, which I defined as a “ungrateful behavior”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my reaction of anger within myself direct my Self-Expression, because when the beggar asked for more money, all he got from me was a rotund “NO”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience Regret when thinking “I would have acted differently if I hadn’t reacted angrily within myself when interacting with the beggar”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here as Self-Expression in Self-Awareness, because I didn’t notice I reacted angrily within myself until later when I re-thought what had happened with the beggar. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that “Honest” people deserve an award such as more money - in the case of beggars - only because I don’t like liars.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that Honesty has nothing to do with Self-Honesty, because I may seem Honest for the people in my environment but being Self-Dishonest simultaneously within myself and no one will notice it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my definitions/stereotypes and preferences direct my expression, because “I don’t like liars” is a statement that I used to validate the desire to award a person positively without realizing that I might not be really supporting a human being, but only encouraging them to continue existing the way they do; within their own self-created definitions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself unconsciously support inequality by thinking/believing that in giving money to beggars without experiencing blame, I am creating a change that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I no longer have to give money/"help" beggars.

When and as I see myself interacting with a beggar that is asking me for some money, I stop and breathe. I realize that my money may help them transiently, but it’s not the real solution.

When and as I see myself experiencing blame for the amount of money I am giving to beggars, I stop and breathe. I realize that the real solution is not to give them more money as if “more money” would mean “real change”.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when interacting with beggars in order to be here and realize that it’s not “bad” or “good” to give money to beggars, but it’s not the real solution, nor giving more money to avoid feeling blame, and if I decide to “help” them, be out of any belief/pattern that I have created in Self-Interest, because in doing so, I would be supporting that which I want to abolish.

I commit myself to continue investigating through Self-Writing and Self-Honesty this point existing within/without myself.

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