This is a post related to a point I wrote in one of my previous posts called What Happens After Breaking up? (Day 69) where I mentioned a specific situation when talking to “X”.
The other day I told a friend what had happened with “X” and while I was telling him the story he interrupted me and said “hey, didn’t you know?” and I went “know what?” and he said “your X now is T’s girlfriend.
Well, “T” is a guy I don’t personally remember meeting but he is kind of close to the group of people I hang out with.
So, then I thought/said “Probably X thought I knew about this and she then thought that I wanted to create problems within her new relationship, but I had no idea. I just got surprised with her reaction after I talked to her”.
Then, all started taking another direction, because my reaction to her answer when I talked to her was “WTF”, because there was some information I didn’t know and that I didn’t have to know anyways.
But, then when I knew the “whole” picture I went “I understand, but I kind of feel guilty now, because if I would have known she was dating “T” I wouldn’t have talked to her, because that guy is close to the guys I know and the last thing I want is trouble”.
So, what I wanted to mention here is that we sometimes face a certain “reality”, but due to the lack of information we react according to what we perceive is “right”.
Also, we can’t have the access to all the information, so when we judge, we do it based on a small part of the information we know.
So, what would be my lesson learned? Simple; if X said “I don’t want to talk to you”, the only thing I can say is “okay”, because I won’t have access to her self-honesty and it’s not of my business.
Why do I mention this? Because the last thing I said within that conversation with X was “keep this conversation saved and re-read it again. It will probably make sense in the future once you have grown up in self-honesty”.
So, the exercise I do now is: I re-read what I wrote and I see, realize and understand that those words I told her were a reaction of anger and I was closed within my own point of view where I saw myself being “right” and X being wrong/crazy, because according to the information I got, she was apparently not being honest, so there I went as Mr. Right telling people what to do and how to act lol.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that the judgment I am expressing lacks of information, therefore what I “see” is not the whole picture.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that what I see in my mind as the “whole picture” is the reality, without seeing, realizing and understanding that there is information I won’t have access to.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I know exactly what is going on within X’s mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be more focused on what I perceive people should do instead of looking through myself first.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry towards my own belief that X was not being self-honest based on her words when I talked to her.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that as X and I met sometimes after our break up that meant that it would always be like that, without considering the impermanence as the polarized “self-expression” that some call “the right to change my opinion” and that each of us knows exactly why we do what we do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that every time I make an affirmation/statement based on what I think, believe and perceive, I am limiting myself, because that affirmation/statement is only a "part" of the whole picture that I am able to “see”, therefore, what I am making as an affirmation is a judgment lacking of information that does not constitute the whole picture as reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger when I picture myself arguing with certain beings that I have judged as not self-honest – for instance X - and within that I see myself telling them “dare to write about your thoughts, feelings and emotions, you mother fucker. Let’s see who we are. Stop hiding within that “acceptable” behavior and nice words” which is equal to: a system telling another system how not to be a system through a system reaction/pattern.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the solution to that which is best for all is getting angry within my thoughts and then act upon my judgments towards the people I have labeled as hypocrites.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I myself have the right to label people when I judge them as “hypocrites” or “not self-honest”, because they are not walking this process of self-writing to re-define myself as Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I myself am superior to other beings that have no idea about writing about what’s within the mind system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I have to take self-responsibility for what’s within my mind, direct myself in self-honesty and make a contribution to that which is best for all as a living example.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility for the words I speak/express, because most of them are only based on perceptions, therefore what I express then is only an opinion as many others that exist in this world that do not support life.
When and as I see myself making an affirmation/statement based on what I perceive, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that in doing so, I am limiting myself, because I am beLIEving as reality only a part of the whole information, therefore, what I end up living is an illusion based on perception instead of common sense as the physical.
I commit myself to stop and breathe when I am participating in perceptions towards that what I am “seeing”, because I don’t require perceiving to then be-LIE-ve - I have to be-LIFE here and stop my participation within my mind system, because that’s the only way to become Life as the Physical and to stop being a slave of what my mind dictates.
When and as I see myself picturing myself having arguments with certain beings I have labeled as “hypocrites” or “not self-honest beings” I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that I have to focus on my own process and become a living example instead of deedless words as opinions that do not support Life.
I commit myself to take self-responsibility through self-awareness when I am expressing myself through words in order to support Life instead of mind systems.
As a conclusion; Affirmation = Limitation , because we limit ourselves to know/explore/consider other possibilities also existing here.