jueves, 28 de mayo de 2015

Imperceptible Authority (Day 83)


Authority works based on what it’s define as the “norm”. Of course there’s not only one norm. There are as many norms as laws within this world.

When we come to this world there are already established norms or behaviors that one must follow accordingly, otherwise there are obvious consequences.

During the 18th century when a human being broke the law or was blamed for doing something "out of the norm", there existed punishment (as well as today). 

The type of punishment then was specifically written down the jurisprudence and it mentioned in detail how an individual had to suffer the consequences/punishment. For instance, how many lashes they had to receive, how many meters/feet underground they were going to be buried, for how many hours they were going to be exposed in front of the community, etc. - Punishment represented the quantitative art of suffering and it was witnessed by all as a triumph.

The punishment’s function was to "heal" the individual and "purge" the crime = Justice manifesting its Power.

You see, the punishment was focused on the human physical body, through pain and suffering.

Then, all changed. Prisons started being built according to a specific structure architecturally based on the Panopticon which was a structure in the middle of the prison. From that placement, they could see all the cells/prisoners around without being seen, because it had a circular shape. Now - when you were in the cells you couldn’t see who was there watching you, but you "knew" / "perceived" you were being guarded/watched. So, the focus of punishment changed from the body to the mind/consciousness through surveillance.

That Panopticon as the structure of surveillance and punishment has been installed in all of us and every time we see someone going out of the norm, we point our fingers on them = perpetuating the role/function of the panopticon.

We have come to apply punishment through a more symbolic/psychological violence as well as the system has done throughout history. We as human beings are the exact copy of the system; applying punishment on those who go out of the norm/out of our beliefs, because we want to "heal" them.

Have you ever heard a girl called a Slut? I have. When I worked in a school students judged those girls' behavior, because they had slept with too many guys apparently. Well, in those moments, students were acting as the panopticon - as the police/guards/system - and then they applied punishment through many ways, for instance; gossip or even bullying that girl. Again = Perpetuating the role/function of the panopticon.

We are unaware of this, because we have come to believe that our beliefs are what makes us “good people”. We are not able to accept/understand that which is different to our beliefs, because as our parents and the people we “love" taught us those “values”, we wouldn’t dare to do something different, because that would mean being a traitor. Instead, we choose to perpetuate the system.

If you think this is not real, then try and see how your family will react if you don’t follow their traditions. They would take it personal and they will think that there’s something “wrong” with you.

We act like the authority/panopticon every time we judge and it’s funny, because we feel that we are "the authority" when actually, we are basically following the system. 

The authority that exists over "our authority" is imperceptible, because it’s part of “who we are”.

And the solution is not to go against the system as “rebels", because whether you have realized it or not; we are the system, each of us. So, to go “against” the system is only another imperceptible mechanism that keeps us enslaved to the system within the belief that “We are doing something. We are changing the system”, when actually in doing so, you are only pointing fingers to your own reflection in the mirror and demanding the mirror to take responsibility for you and your reflection.

Another point in relation to this obedience to authority is the Milgram experiment (Social Psychology), which is basically about following orders while being persuaded by a figure of authority through different mechanisms. Those orders they followed would cause an electric shock onto another person. You may think “How is it possible that someone would want to give electric shocks onto another person?” - Well, they acted as executioners/hangmen - Just following an authority = Doing something they perceived/believed as “right” - Identically to what happened in the middle age for instance. To the eyes of Justice, punishing a human being that did something “wrong” would be part of the “healing process”, therefore they would be doing it from the starting point of “love”.

In our current system is not necessary to follow orders from an authority figure, because as I mentioned before, the orders have been installed within all of us and we do not perceive/see them because they are "part of us" / "who we are" = a perfect obedient slave that perceives self as "free" without realizing they are acting upon imperceptible authorities' orders that were inserted within us as "beliefs" and "values".

Something similar has been happening in my country, Chile. People have started applying something that is called “citizen detention/arrest”. It works as it follows: You get robbed in the street and the people around “helps you”. They grab the “robber”, fight him, they tie the thief naked to a pole (for instance), and they record everything using their mobile phones until the police arrive. People say “We are tired of being robbed. What would you do if this happened to someone you love? You would do the same. Plus, these guys get arrested today and they will be free and robbing again by tomorrow. Justice in this country is a joke, so we have decided to apply Justice through our hands”. - But the real thieves are not robbing in the street. They are in the government and people are angry applying Justice towards someone that seems to be to blame, but probably that thief is just a kid from the neighborhood that according to his beliefs/context, he is doing something from the starting point of “love”, because he wants to "help" his family through robbing. I am not saying this is the only reason, there might be many. I am not saying that I defend thieves. I am just saying how fucked up the system is.

BUT, there is a way to change. That happens when you learn how to take responsibility for your own mind. When you learn how to deconstruct your mind constructs. It happens when you realize that you are not your mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions. Of course you will not learn this at school or universities, because those are institutions and each institution has their own panopticons and imperceptible ways to perpetuate the same system.

If you would like to learn how to become the real authority as yourself without following an imperceptible authority like an obedient zombie, investigate Desteni and become/walk the change with us and learn how to be IN the system, but not OF the system.

Some links that may be of your interest:

martes, 26 de mayo de 2015

Playing With My Hair (Day 82)


Continuing with one of my previous posts “Chewing Gum (Day 77)”

"I will continue in my next post with some other moments where I see this unaware participation when interacting with something/someone in order to open up more points that may support me to be here in self-awareness and living activities such as chewing, walking, driving, singing, masturbating and having sex as who I am as the physical instead of as a mind unconscious program that determines HOW (fast) I live/express myself due to the thoughts as patterns I have placed before my self-expression when interacting”.

So - I will start off with mentioning that I have noticed one unconscious thought manifestation in my human physical body that actually started when I was about 3-4 years old. 

I always grab my hair with my fingers and "play" making moorings and then loosing them.

The memory I have is me laying on the couch, drinking milk from the feeding bottle, watching TV while playing with my hair using my fingers - Which is something I still do nowadays. I mean, not drinking milk from a feeding bottle like a baby, but playing with my hair lol.

When people see me doing this, they say “Hey you will get hairless if you continue doing that”, but I have never believed that.

Anyways - What I have been noticing recently is that I tend to play with my hair when I am watching/listening to someone/something. 

You may think that I do it in order to pay more attention, but it’s quite the opposite. I have realized that when people are talking to me and I start playing with my hair it’s like I am not here. I am in my mind instead. In other words, when you are talking to me and I am playing with my hair, I will say “uh huh, yeah” as if I was paying attention to your words, but actually, I will be thinking and thinking, not being aware of what you are saying.

I haven’t identified what is the specific thought/backchat/feeling/emotion that comes to my mind when I play with my hair yet. I only realize that I am playing with my hair when I catch myself doing it in the moment. So, as this is the first time I am writing about this point, I will investigate more about this unconscious reaction, so as to understand what are the thoughts/backchats/feelings/emotions I experience that lead me to place my hand in my head and not be here in the physical in self-awareness as every breath.

Another memory I have with regards to this point is me asking mom “Why do I play with my hair? Have I always done it?” and she said “When you were a baby I used to make you sleepy while I played with your hair, especially with that part that you play with in your head now. And one of your older cousins does it as well, because I did the same with him when he was a baby and I wanted to make him sleepy”.

So, one may think that my mom pre-programmed/installed that physical pattern within my cousin and me, because both of us received the same stimuli as babies, plus we still do the same currently, but, what I want to investigate here are the thoughts/backchats/feelings/emotions that activate the quantum physical pattern today, in order to start becoming more aware of my participation/self-expression here.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to unconsciously react with a quantum physical pattern when listening/watching/reading something, placing my hand in my head and then binding and loosing it with no self-awareness towards what's going on here, because I get distracted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get distracted from my physical reality every time I play with my hair while listening to people, reading or watching someone/something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here constantly/unconditionally in self-awareness and instead I catch myself wondering in the mind while playing with my hair.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend I am listening to someone when they are talking to me while I am playing with my hair and then I say “uh huh, yeah” when actually I don’t even remember what they were talking about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not change my physical stance when I realize I am playing with my hair, because I get too hypnotized that I want to continue doing it until my scalp starts hurting a bit or my hair becomes starchy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to add "upgrades" to this game throughout time without giving myself direction to be here, because every time I play with my hair I find different ways to make more and more moorings - which keeps me more busy and distracted - instead of practicing/applying other methods that may help me be here in the physical, in self-awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel "proud" when people say “Hey, what are you doing with your hair? Stop doing that. You will get hairless” and then I say “You know, this is who I am. I have been doing this since I was 3-4 years old. This is part of me”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my “who I am” as a quantum physical pattern without even knowing its purpose, nor whether it assists/supports me or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define this quantum physical pattern as something that makes me unique/special, without seeing, realizing and understanding that "uniqueness" and "specialness" do not exist, because we are all One and Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question the patterns that I blindly/unconsciously follow in order to investigate who I really am as the physical.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself playing with my hair while someone is talking to me, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am not paying attention to what the other person is saying and I am just in the mind like an organic robot in automatic mode = I am not here in self-awareness.


I commit myself to stop and breathe when I catch myself playing with my hair while listening to someone, in order to bring myself back here and identify the thoughts/backchats/feelings/emotions that lead me into the activation of my pre-programmed/conditioned quantum physical pattern that I have been applying since I was a child.

I commit myself to continue exploring myself within this quantum physical pattern through self-forgiveness, so as to be more aware of myself/my environment and become self-directive from within to without, instead of giving my power away to the mind system and its patterns that keep me enslaved/trapped as unconscious manifestations that determine how I express myself towards the world.

miércoles, 20 de mayo de 2015

Part II: Ego & Knowledge (Day 81)


This is part II - Continuing with my previous post.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always expect something “new" and if it’s not, I reject it because “I already know”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel possessed when I am experiencing something “new”, because it’s my pre-programmed disposition. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to place the knowledge I have acquired on the table so other people can see it and then I feel "important".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that through showing others how much I know will validate me as a human being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how much you know = how important you are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior in the past when I started playing in my first band, because I perceived that the older bands made fun of me/us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that other people make fun of me without seeing, realizing and understanding that probably they were just laughing about something that had nothing to do with me/my band.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal when I am doing something and I see people laughing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by other people when they laugh, because I think, believe and perceive that they are laughing at me, therefore I feel inferior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain within this suppressed inferiority and self-judgment towards the things I do instead of standing up and change that experience into something that's best for me in Self-Honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to make other people feel inferior when showing off how much I have learned. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate the same cycle I experienced in the past when switching from the “inferior” to the “superior” character and do unto others what I believed others did unto me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think “now that I have learned and I am better than before, I wish that those people that laughed at me in the past see me now and realize I am better than them, so they can regret and feel bad about themselves”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change my behavior when I am about to do something in front of the people I believe that once laughed at me, because I would look at them out of the corner of my eyes and check what their reaction is and that would define my experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the stereotype of those people that I believed that laughed at me in the past or that I defined as having a “tight” attitude and then identify in my present other people with the same characteristics and place them the same attitude/behavior without even knowing them, but having the thought "they are the same, because they look the same”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that even though people look similar, that doesn’t mean they are the same.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that the way people look (clothes they wear, music they listen to, stereotypes) defines the way they are, without seeing, realizing and understanding that through believing that, I have conditioned my own perception and the way I see the world.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself rejecting something because it’s not apparently “new” and it does not “impress” me, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that I have conditioned myself to always expect what I want and that probably the most important things in this life won’t cause that impression on me, therefore, I have to be open and willing to pay attention to anything other people may share, because in those little and simple things there might be great and unexpected self-realizations that will support me and others as One and Equal.

I commit myself to not reject only because I don’t feel impressed/surprised and be open to keep learning and stop conditioning myself through the way I see the world.

When and as I see myself trying to validate myself through knowledge or experiences, I stop and breathe. I realize that knowledge is nothing without actions and even though people might look/sound “important” through the words they speak/write, that does not constitute the real change in this life/world, because what it really matters is being One and Equal in thought, word and deed.

I commit myself to stop trying to validate myself through showing off “my knowledge” and instead, prove to myself that I can be One and Equal in thought, word and deed.

When and as I see myself placing traits on people that look similar in appearance to some people I have met/judged in the past, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that in making a connection between my memories and my current moment is just a result of my subconscious mind, therefore I am seeing the present through the eyes of the past = not being HERE.

I commit myself to deconstruct through self-forgiveness all the perceived traits that I have placed on new people I am meeting that I connect with beings I have met and judged in the past.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I am perceiving that someone is identical to another person I met in the past, in order to bring myself back here and realize that I am judging a person through my perception instead of being open to listen and communicate without participating in any energetic movement within myself that will determine my approach/experience with those beings.

domingo, 17 de mayo de 2015

Ego & Knowledge (Day 80)


Within this post I will write about a common reaction/response I have noticed existing in me and other people when speaking/sharing information/opinions.

I have experienced this when talking to people or when I read some comments that people write in the comments section below news/articles.

For some reason, we are always expecting something new. Yes. It’s like our pre-programmed disposition. For instance when I have shared a video/documentary with some friends, they go “Oh yeah, I know”, or they also say “Yeah, I saw that like two years ago”. Like always expecting to feel impressed/surprised and if they don’t, what they say it’s almost like “It’s not necessary to re-mention it. We all know that. Shut up”.

It’s like we place the emphasis on letting the other person know that we already know. What’s the point? I mean, is it necessary to always react with our Ego? Because if someone is telling something, is it really important to express “yeah, I know all you are saying. I learned it a long time ago. So, don’t get too happy because you are saying nothing new and blah blah”? Instead of just sharing and learning, we immediately want to make clear and visible who we are as knowledge. We want to feel important.

Another point in relation to this Ego Knowledge is when people correct other people’s spelling. For instance I have read some comments on internet and some of them seem very commonsensical to me, but then someone tries to let him/her down focusing on the mistakes the other person made within his/her comment. Really supportive. They go like “you’d better learn how to write, asshole” or “your opinion has no value because you don’t know how to write”.

I realize that we do not really listen/read. We place our attention in other stuff when we are communicating. We don’t want to feel less than others, we want to validate who we are as knowledge. We focus on how people make mistakes when they speak instead of supporting them or complementing what they are saying in order to create something together through a process of cooperative learning.  

This is something really competitive. I relate it to when I was like 15 years old and I was learning how to play the guitar. At first, I hated the guitar, because for some reason I related the guitar to those kids that play in churches and my mom said to me “Pablo, you spend too much time here in the house. You could go out, make some friends, participate in the church playing the guitar”.
So, every time I saw people playing the guitar, my first reaction was “fucking christians. I hate their guitars”. 

Until one day, I became a fan of the band Blink 182 and I saw a guy playing their songs and I got “Impressed”. It was something “New”. I learned how to play the guitar just because I realized that other types of songs could be played on the guitar lol. 

The process was slow but I practiced everyday. I thought I played really bad, but when I heard someone playing the guitar and he was slower than me, I then expected the right moment to play the guitar and show off how fast I was. And those guys were always “wow, dude, you play really good” and that made my ego bigger and bigger. 

It’s like we always have this "special move" that we want to show in order to get something. We know with whom to do it and with whom we shouldn’t. For instance we wouldn’t do it in front of the people we have defined as “better" than us. But, when we are just meeting someone, we would like to show them who we are in order to avoid perceiving that others are perceiving us as inferior = validating ourselves.- Instead of leaving aside our self-judgments. 

I picture within my mind a very basic example that is related to this behavior; Someone bought a new pair of shoes and then we go “I saw those shoes, but I didn’t buy them because they seemed stupid”. It’s like becoming “happy” through making someone feel bad. Is it really necessary? Are you aware of how often you participate in that shit?

This comes from our suppressed inferiority. Because we have judged ourselves for many years. We have been learning/becoming better “secretly” to the eyes of our “enemies” to one day show up in glory and let them know how big and important we are now through making them feel inferior. Like the worm that becomes a butterfly. The newbie that wants to become a master.

I have proven this by myself. Because when I first started playing in a band I played punk rock music, you know; out of tune, lots of mistakes and there were always these bands compounded by "older dudes" that looked at us and laughed and I saw them and thought “yay there they come, the grown up band that laughs at this fucking punk rock band”. 

The years passed. I bought a very professional equipment and every time I went to play I was kind of expecting to see one of those “grown up bands” to kind of say “laugh now mother fucker”. "Look how grown up I am now".

According to me, I always saw a tight attitude on those bands. Now, I realize that it was only a mind fuck. It was how I saw the world. This led me to realize how I have done things in my life for others instead of myself. It had been more important for me to “prove” who I am in front of others instead of doing it for myself. 

So, when I see this attitudes/behaviors/reactions on people it reminds me how I used to be. But, I realize that it’s not necessary to place this “wisdom” on the table and show off. That’s not the key. 

If I realize I already know what others are sharing, I don’t have to believe that they want to impress me, because it’s me who is expecting something “new”. It’s me the one who is creating that mind fuck. Better listen and communicate instead of trying to let the other person know that we already know to validate ourselves. 

jueves, 14 de mayo de 2015

Tinder (Day 79)


I was on vacation during February in a different city when a friend of mine told me about a new application he had downloaded in his phone. He explained that the app’s name was Tinder and that it was used to meet new people, especially girls.

For those who don’t know about it, Tinder is an application where you create a brief profile with a couple of pictures of you and other people see your pictures and they can either like you or dislike you. Now - When you have liked a profile and it coincides with another person that liked you, a match occurs which allows both people to have a chat. Quite simple.

I’m sure you can find more specific information about it on the internet, so…Anyways. - Well, I downloaded the application after a month my friend told me about it. I started using it and there were a couple of realizations I had that I would like to share.

The first one was my criterion to determine whether I liked the other person or not. I wasn’t completely aware of it actually. I didn’t know why I liked some girls and some others didn't. I then asked myself “is it because of the picture I am seeing that I am making a decision? I mean, am I making a choice based on a picture?” 

Then, I realized that I was discriminating some profiles because the girls that appeared there were a bit chubby, had “ugly” faces, I didn't like their body types and their faces and clothes didn’t coincide with my  pre-programmed “preferences” and definition of a "good candidate".

I got like 5 or 6 matches with some girls. I bet that for girls it is easier to get more matches lol. 

Now - Everytime I got a new match I reacted within myself. Like when a person you like has sent you a message and you can’t wait until you read it. A mixture between anxiety and "happiness".

I talked to a couple of girls and the chats weren’t bad, but I found it difficult to really get to know someone, because of how we interpret what the other person is saying. I mean, I had liked some girls because of how they looked on a picture, then it came the interpretation of what they wrote within the chats, judging what they were writing and basically creating a mind relationship (a relationship with my own mind and how I perceived/believed the other person was) instead of a real/physical relationship with another.

I am not using the word “relationship” meaning girlfriend and boyfriend. When you communicate with other beings, what you build are relationships; it can be a work relationship, a family relationship, a neighbor relationship, etc.

So - Let’s sum up. I was judging girls through their Tinder Profiles. When I liked how a girl looked in her pictures, I pressed the “Like” button. Then when the match happened, we started a chat which consisted on only speaking a couple of times and that was all. Any deep conversation, just the typical interchange of words and when I stopped talking to some girl, I was like “ah, I bet she won’t talk to me, because she found a more “handsome” / “interesting” dude lol. 

Well, I finally erased Tinder from my phone, because I didn’t find any self-honest starting point towards keeping it. I mean, feeding my mind with pictures and interpreting how a girl is based on how she looks in her pictures, plus the things she says in order to judge her….hmm not really supportive. 

Besides that, the criterion I was unconsciously using to “chose” a girl was “would I fuck this girl? hm yeah, I would. hmm this one? No way!”. So it was basically a relationship with my own mind based on how I believed these girls were = mind fuck.

And in relation to the mind relationship I was creating, I can say that I judged these girls within the following criteria. 

  • If she’s the first one who talks = She’s desperate. 
  • If she doesn’t have certain feedback to the things I mention = She is not a smart girl.
  • If she doesn’t show more interest in chatting with me = She’s having fun with another guy, because she must have many matches - more than I do - and she’s only feeding her ego.
  • If she doesn’t talk to me anymore is because she created a wrong interpretation about me in her head that she is not even aware of how she created it, because she’s judging as well as I have.

As you can see, all I was creating was mind relationships. That’s why I didn’t find my participation there really supportive. I was just becoming one more marionette that acts perfectly according to how we are supposed to “chose” a girl to talk to or to do whatever you agree to do together.

A friend of mine said “you know, I press the Like button to all the profiles on Tinder. I don’t care if she’s fat, ugly or whatever”. This was interesting because it got me thinking “If I am not open to equally talk to every human being, leaving all the stereotypes aside and just have a conversation, what is the purpose? What’s my purpose?”. 

So - For those who still have Tinder. What are you supporting? I mean, one should be aware of why we don’t like something at least. Is it because what we are seeing in pictures does not constitute the collectively accepted image of a “sexy woman/man that I would like to fuck?” - Such a self-awared participation, right? Or is it that you believe that you are going to find the "perfect partner" there? = A person who looks and acts according to your pre-programmed/conditioned/alienated and unaware self-created idea of a "perfect partner" that will make you happy forever and ever.

Oh, I’m missing something here. Most of the Tinder users only upload the pictures that better fit a stereotype. I mean “if I’m going to create a profile, I must upload the pictures where I look more beautiful” - But they are not identically the same if you compare the picture and the real person lol. 

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to discriminate human beings based on how they look in pictures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that through discriminating human beings based on how they look in pictures I am unconsciously applying my pre-programmed preferences that dictate how a “beautiful girl” must look, based on stereotypes collectively constructed within our current competitive system that I have accepted and allowed to exist within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support the current system through unconsciously acting in a discriminatory manner towards human beings and how they look in pictures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that human beings are not images/pictures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that that which I am seeing in a picture is only a reflection of myself as the mind and all the traits and labels I place upon these beings are just my own creation that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive as the truth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge a person when they apparently don’t know what to say to what I am saying, labeling them as “not smart”. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge girls based on the way they behave through a chat, for instance how long she takes to reply; if she replies fast = she is desperate. If she takes longer to reply = she is giving herself too much importance or she is busy flirting with another guy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create mind relationships instead of real/physical relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in participating in such a game of “likes” and “dislikes” I am supporting the unequal system as it has always existed and I am not creating any change, just contributing to make the shit bigger and bigger under the belief that “it’s fun”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only focus on how “Fun" things are without seeing the consequences that I am not able to see because I am only focusing on the Positive, the “Like” instead of the “Dislike”, the picture I prefer, instead of the "ugly" girl I wouldn’t fuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the system just as one more gear with no clear direction/self-awareness and instead, being directed by how the system works, only giving me two options; like or dislike, beautiful or ugly, god or satan, peace or war, good person or bad person, rich or poor, etc, etc, etc - creating no change, but polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that the world is compound by ugly and beautiful people, without realizing that Ugliness only exists because the word Beauty exists and what determines what beauty is are the mainstream media, movies, magazines, etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how fucked up my mind and interpretation ability are due to the stereotypes I have accepted and allowed to become “my preferences” in this world/life.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself discriminating someone based on their image as a body shape, clothes, etc, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that human beings are not an image/picture, neither they are a name, profession or appearance. I also realize that our current system has led us to believe that we are just an avatar and that we have to be better than others and that it really exists better people than others.

I commit myself to stop judging people for the way they look and be open to equally interact with them instead of discriminating and just being one more gear that contributes to create the same shit we have been creating for many years with no self-awareness.

When and as I see myself creating a mind relationship with someone, where I think that all that I believe and perceive about the other person is real, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that the only way I have to get to know someone is through their words and actions, therefore if I am not seeing what I am reading as actions, I won’t be able to make sure whether my perception towards that person was accurate or not.

I commit myself to not create mind relationships with other human beings based on what I perceive and judge from their behavior, because I see, realize and understand that in doing so, I would only be filling the missing information I would like to know as curiosity about them instead of really experiencing them in real life as time and space as the physical, as equals.

miércoles, 13 de mayo de 2015

The Judiciary (Day 78)


I was reading some articles/papers about Judges and the Judiciary and I would like to refer to certain statements that got me wondering about their function beyond who they are as a profession, but as human beings with a human physical body and a mind consciousness system.

I am not trying - in any way whatsoever - to go “against” the law or anything like that. I am just reading and sharing my realizations/perspectives as a process of self-learning that of course might be “wrong”. Although I see no “wrong” in being “wrong”, because I have learned to see the Beauty behind error and mistake. Anyways, I would suggest to not believe me and instead, investigate on your own.

I am going to focus on 3 points that drew my attention; Independence, Cognitive Skills, and - of course - Justice.

I am not going to quote as copy and paste, because the original articles/papers are in Spanish, so what you will see here are paraphrased translations. You can read the articles/papers here, though:

http://www.ifecom.cjf.gob.mx/notEv/PDF/2003/100_8.pdf

http://www.unla.mx/iusunla14/opinion/EL%20JUEZ%20Y%20EL%20DERECHO.htm

The first concept is Independence. They mention that the Judge must be Independent, which is related to the ability to judge out of any religious belief, political party, feelings, emotions, etc.- Basically, the ability to abstract oneself from one's Mind Constructs. Very easy, right? - Then they say that that Independence must be attached to the “norm” as the starting point of their development which will be directly reflected in their actions.

The “norm” lol. From the norm’s perspective; everything that goes out of the norm will be abnormal. Such an equal game, right? = “I create the game, so if you don’t play it, you immediately lose".

I was reading the Law’s Curriculum from a local university in order to know a bit more about the career and I couldn’t find any subject related to “Mind Deconstruction” or at least something like “Practical Self-Deconstruction”. I mean, in order to develop that “independence” to judge from a sort of “clear judgment”. Just saying here.

I wonder, how can I trust a person that legally judges when I don’t even have access to their self process? I mean, that person can “support” us, but we can’t support them equally?

It also mentions that the Judge must have certain Cognitive Skills well developed to be able to judge effectively and apply Justice instead of Injustice.

Cognitive Skills - based on Anderson’s Taxonomy - are: Remembering, Understanding, Applying, Analyzing, Evaluating, and Creating.

So, that “Independence” they are required to have, should provide judges (within the “Remembering" Cognitive Skill for instance) the ability to stop their participation in any Memory when it pops up in real time, which basically means to stop their Subconscious Mind whenever it sends a Memory from their past experiences which might be related to something/someone they are seeing/touching/smelling now and here in time and space.- I didn't know they could do that.

Within the “Understanding” Cognitive Skill. Well, many of us understand, right? But, that “understanding" first goes into a filter. That filter is your Mind System. So, any time you react (as thoughts, feelings and emotions) to certain information, it’s an indicator by the mind that the filter is functioning perfectly. I am not saying that the filter helps you understand. It actually interferes. In other words, what you see as the filter is being processed by and as your Mind = No “Independence". But, as judges are human beings with “Independence”, I guess that they can easily stop their minds and really see with their physical eyes and leave no room for energetic reactions.

It’s not necessary to continue explaining the rest of the cognitive skills within a Judge. You’d better do the math, it’s simple; you Remember shit = you Create shit.

“The judge is not only an interpreter. It goes beyond. It has the necessary Power provided by the law to act with his/her perspective towards that which is of social interest”.

Well, that “perspective” will be twisted unless the judges .. ah, sorry, I forgot that they are “Independent” and able to stop how their thoughts manifest in their three mind platforms; conscious, subconscious and unconscious. That explains everything. Nevermind.

Let’s imagine a class in school. The teacher wants to foster team work/cooperative learning. The students have to work in groups of three. By the end of the class student “A" gets 100, student “B” gets 80 and student “C" gets 50 as a final mark. But, the marks are averaged, so all of them get a 76 as a group mark. Suddenly, Student “A” stands up very upset and says to student “C”: If it wasn’t for you, I would have gotten a 100 as a final mark. This is Unfair = Injustice!!! - Sounds familiar? Have you ever heard something like that before? I bet you have.

Why did I mention the Cooperative Learning? Because our current system based on competition leads us to believe that learning is only for oneself in a selfish manner. Plus, we are not allowed to share our tests at school. I mean, I have heard students saying “don’t look at my test. This is my effort, my test, my knowledge. I don’t want to share what I have learned with you, because you are lazy and mediocre”. And even teachers say “If I catch you looking at your classmates’ tests, you will suffer the consequences”.

We grow up believing a concept of Justice that has nothing to do with what Justice really entails. And not only with that concept. We are unable to see real life through our Cognitive Skills, because they are constantly being contaminated by our society and institutions.

I don’t see any difference between an ordinary human being and a Judge. I can’t just take for granted that only for being a Judge they are not a Mind System. 

All institutions and their participants have unconsciously/collectively acquired the role of a device of power and control. We function as devices with only one goal = perpetuate the system as it has existed. We as participants working for institutions have the Responsibility to change the mechanisms and stop being just one more gear while believing we are doing our job appropriately, because it is based on the “norm” = Yay, I am such a good employee, because I blindly attach myself to the norm!

So, what would be the task? Well, for me… make sure I am HERE when I am using my set of "cognitive skills” lol. Being aware that I AM NOT MY MIND and that every time a reaction pops up within myself, realize that I am not really seeing, but only interpreting through a filter that functions along with my mind constructs, so as to stop and bring myself back to the physical through breath and write/share my process in self-honesty in order to continue learning.

sábado, 9 de mayo de 2015

Chewing Gum (Day 77)


Here I am going to share a realization I experienced yesterday while chewing gum. Actually the realization was not completely mine, but a friend’s and the two of us ended up complementing each other's ideas through communication.

I was with “A” in my car waiting for another friend. We waited for about two hours, but nothing happened. While we were waiting we smoked, talked, laughed, listened to music, etc. 

Then I remembered I had bought some chewing gum so we started chewing gum while waiting for this another friend that was supposed to come.

Suddenly “A” says: How are you chewing the gum?

I said: What do you mean?

He said: I mean, are you doing it fast or slow? How?

I said: Well, I hadn’t thought of it, but I am chewing it very fast, like consuming all the sugar at once.

He said: Yeah, I am doing the same, so as I noticed it, I changed the way I was doing it. I am now doing it slow.

This brought a realization of how thoughts unconsciously manifest as physical body expressions without self-awareness.

I said: You know, the way our mind is functioning determines the way you interact with the chewing gum you have in your mouth, for instance, if I would drive now according to the mind state I am experiencing (impatience), I would be driving like this and that (acting out facial gestures and over reacting the way I grabbed the handclap and the gearbox, moving very fast/anxious) and chewing the gum very fast.

It made lots of sense to us that we opened up and talked about different experiences and moments of self-awareness. For instance “A” mentioned that sometimes when he goes out, he is walking and suddenly he notices his muscles are too rigid, like not very relaxed, so he breathes in and out, relaxes his muscles and then continues walking.

A few minutes ago I was playing the guitar and I noticed that my arm started hurting. Well, it has been hurting for two weeks roughly. People say that I have tendonitis and that that's caused by repetitive movements.

This is a point I have realized that is related to my relationship with music, especially singing. I sing differently when I do it alone or with my band. When I am alone I feel shy and afraid of making mistakes, but when I play with my band, it’s like I don’t care because everything is so loud that I feel hidden/covered. 

While I was playing the guitar a few minutes ago, I noticed that my stance was a bit rigid. I started feeling uncomfortable and I realized I was afraid that my neighbors would listen to my “awful" voice, because I had just woken up, I had no previous warm up, I was unprepared, etc.

So - The chewing gum and how I chew it brought to me the realization of “hey, I am here, slow down” as it happened today with my stance while playing the guitar, because it was the fear I was fueling with thoughts/backchats manifesting in my human physical body to the extent that it hurt - Which makes me consider the possibility that I have acquired the habit of judging myself while playing the guitar alone and that the pain is a sign sent by my human physical body as an indicator that something requires direction within and without my self-expression.

We also mentioned that sometimes we are so focused on getting full with the food when we eat that we even bite ourselves and we end up not really “enjoying” that moment. Completely unaware of how we bite our food instead of tasting it and being here, bite by bite as breath by breath.

Another point that I am able to see now is related to masturbation. I remember that when I was a teenager there were games or competitions my friends/classmates mentioned in which the participant who ejaculated first, won. Leading to focus more on the orgasmic experience instead of physically experiencing every move your body does. Then, as it becomes a habit, one experiences a premature ejaculation when interacting with a partner in real life, ending up as frustration, because of the continued use of your body without being aware of how it functions and what's the speed/pace/rhythm that best suits you.

Of course there are other variables within the topic of why masturbation is seen as something that has to happen fast, for instance the inter-subjective perception that masturbation is something sinful, nasty, abnormal, etc. and as we blindly believe that we require porn movies to do it - because we were collectively taught that that’s how things must work - we don’t want to get caught = Fearing that others know that we masturbate. So, that will lead to making the habit more extensive; perpetuating your behavior, because you are immersed in a rush of adrenaline (going fast), instead of saying “Hey, I am here. Calm down" = paying attention to your penis/human body instead of the images you use to fulfill your pre-programmed mind and so be able to making it something physical here, in real time; move by move as breath by breath.

I will continue in my next post with some other moments where I see this unaware participation when interacting with something/someone in order to open up more points that may support me to be HERE in self-awareness and living activities such as chewing, walking, driving, singing, masturbating and having sex as who I am as the physical instead of as a mind unconscious program that determines HOW (fast) I live/express myself due to the thoughts as patterns I have placed before my self-expression.

miércoles, 6 de mayo de 2015

The First Steps of a Depressed Guy (Day 76)


Within this post I am going to open up a point that includes me and I am sure other human beings as well. So, this will be support for myself that might also work for others who are related to the topic of Depression.

Throughout my life I have noticed there is a point/pattern that has been always there in relation to physically moving myself. This is The First Step or the moment when you have to start “Doing", for instance; getting up in the morning, studying, writing, reading, going out, etc. basically anything that has to do with duties.

I have also noticed that recently there is this lack of purpose in almost everything I do.

The other day I met a guy who mentioned something similar to what happens to me. He said that he went to the psychologist and the diagnostic: Depression. 

What this guy said was that he doesn’t want to get up in the morning, he doesn’t want to go to work, he only wants to have a girl and drink alcohol.

This got me thinking “I bet that if I go to the psychologist, they will probably say I am depressed”. 

I remember that when I was in college there were some subjects I didn’t like to attend. There was this one called Grammar and by the end of the semester I went to check my grades/marks and I was failing, but there was the chance to pass through an exam. Though the mark/grade I needed was very high. 

When I was checking my marks/grades I saw my teacher looking at me and then she laughed. This pissed me off within myself and I thought “probably she laughs at me because she must be thinking that it’s too late for me to pass the subject”. 

What I did then was picking the names of each content involved in the Grammar subject, looked them up on the internet, practiced with different sentences, reading some concepts, etc. I did this for two weeks straight and I finally went to take the exam and I passed. My teacher looked at me in the eyes when I went to check my final mark/grade and said “what did you do?” (as she couldn’t believe it) and I said “I studied your contents for two weeks straight on my own, my own style and my own method” and she said “you are a brilliant student!”. 

What’s interesting here is that even though I passed the subject, I didn’t do it for myself. To me it was more important to show that person - that was apparently laughing at me - that I was able to pass the subject and that I was not a stupid/lazy student as she could have thought.

So - Here I can see that my purpose was to blow someone else’s mind and destroy all her judgments towards myself. BUT, I can’t pretend to be like this forever. I can’t depend on a person that apparently judges me in order to prove that I am not what they think and using that as a method to achieve my goals.

The first step is always hard to me. For instance when I have some points that I would like to write about, I go into thoughts that the only thing I get is putting off. But, when I finally start doing it, I can’t stop until I finish and I really enjoy the journey. That’s why I passed the Grammar subject, because even though my Starting Point/Purpose was to prove my teacher I was not a failure, I enjoyed the process and the result, but without that purpose I wouldn’t have probably studied for the exam, because I really didn’t care.

Now - Going back to the “Depressed Guy" I met the other day - What I told him  was “dude, you are alone. Probably all your friends and family will say that you are not alone, because they believe that in saying that, you will feel better, but that’s not true. You are in fact alone and you’d better get used to be with yourself and not depend on anything separate from you to exist. You have to learn to enjoy your own presence”. 

I now re-read what I told this guy as a message from myself to myself = I am Alone. 

While reading aloud the word “Alone” I realize that an energetic reaction pops up within myself, like Sadness and I bet that there is this collective perception that being Alone is something “Negative” or “Bad", because we are so used to do what we do for Others that we even define doing something for oneself as something Selfish. Completely misunderstanding concepts and reality, because when you mention or show that you do the stuff for your own, people go like “that’s too individualistic. You are not considering the rest”, but I ask myself “have they really proven that doing something for oneself is Selfish or is it only what they think, believe and perceive without doing anything in the physical?”.

So - It’s funny how we “help” people using Words and Concepts that we apparently know. But the only thing we know about those Words and Concepts are the collective agreed and unaware definitions/interpretations based on other people’s opinions and/or what the media shows.

Even the Clinical Discourse such as psychology/psychiatry is something we shouldn't buy. How is it possible that the same person/patient can get different diagnostics depending on the surveys they are applied? Have you noticed that? The instrument these “experts" use and their questions will be based and focused on a specific approach (only one perspective), therefore, not equal = it does not align to life = failed attempts. 

Instead of diagnosing other human beings, they should start with themselves first. And not only them, all of us, especially the ones that believe that they “help” and “assist” other human beings, such as teachers, lawyers, psychologists, etc. Because people give them Power and a specific Placement in Society and from that placement they create a Discourse which becomes Episteme/Knowledge/Information that is believed/considered/accepted by all as the Truth. But, how is it possible to elaborate this "knowledge" from a placement of Power and Trust that will be accepted by all of us as the “Real/Unique/Right Discourse” that apparently supports life when actually none of the participants involved in the creation of such Discourse have deconstructed their mind systems in Self-Honesty? 

Why do I mention this? Because there are many human beings that don’t accept something until they make sure that the source of information comes from a “famous" and “prestigious" university, without considering that that “prestigious university” has human beings that conduct the researches and their mind constructs - also known as cognitive bias - inhibit them from seeing a specific phenomenon without the Mind (placing their beliefs, judgments, opinions, thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc. before the phenomenon = seeing through and as the mind but not with their physical eyes).

What are the mind constructs of those “experts" that many years ago said that homosexuality was a pathology (included in the DSM II)? -  Probably a White, Homophobic and Moralistic Christian "Expert".

So - After all I have mentioned here, what I have to say is that “Depression” is not real. You make it real, because you trust it. The concept of Depression was even probably created by those “experts” I already mentioned. But, instead of trusting Depression, better write about it and see what are the patterns that lead you towards feeling within a constant and endless lack of purpose, such as depending on someone apparently “challenging” you to be able to do your best. Such as what I did with my Grammar teacher.

That “Depression” is telling you that you are and will be alone. It’s basically a realization that tells you that you haven’t been doing the stuff for yourself and it’s up to you to dare to start expressing all the potential that you have and that for some reason you have suppressed or not effectively developed. 

So - “Depression” is an Opportunity to be with yourself, learn how to be Alone and clear the Energy (thoughts, feelings and emotions) you have attached to certain Words and Concepts, such as “Purpose”, “Alone”, “Depression”, etc. and then be able to see reality without depending on the research/diagnostic of a person you have given power and trust to tell you what to do.

Oh, and by the way - Nowadays, Psychology does not consider Homosexuality as a Pathology. Imagine how many beings were given “wrong” diagnostics in the past. What will happen with the ones that have been diagnosed with Depression?

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to require a “challenge” to be able to start doing something for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that without a purpose I can’t do anything and that everything is/will be boring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on another person in order to do my duties, because in having that person, I can prove him/her what I am capable of doing and then legitimate my own expression as something “acceptable” and “good”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that life does not require a purpose, because life is here, happening, with or without a purpose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that what matters is who I am in this life here as practical solutions after the realizations I have experienced in order to change my life and so the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the Clinical Discourse as something I must Trust, without seeing, realizing and understanding that those Discourses are created by human beings with a pre-programmed mind and if I don’t have access to their self-honest writings about their mind constructs, I can’t just accept what they write in books - those books on which colleges/universities base their careers as an approach and teach more and more generations believing and accepting the same Episteme/Knowledge/Information as the Truth of Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach an emotion of Sadness to the word “Alone”, without seeing, realizing and understanding that being Alone is the status quo of life and that life is not an emotion/energy, but physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that what is called “Depression” is an opportunity for human beings to make peace with oneself and start doing our best without depending on the approval of someone else to continue existing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not really support human beings when I have the chance, because what I do is using words and concepts that I understand as the collective understanding without questioning/deconstructing who I am in such words/concepts in self-honesty, therefore, what I end up expressing/verbalizing is just inter-subjectivity without self-awareness as the experience of who I am in self-honesty.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself in front of a challenge, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that the challenge per say is not “bad” or “wrong”, it’s only an opportunity to do something, BUT what I have to clear is my starting point towards that challenge and experiencing it for myself and not towards others expecting the approval to legitimate my existence.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I am facing a challenge in order to clear my starting point and bring all to self and use the challenge only as a tool to test my own potential without playing with the judgments I think other people have towards myself within my mind. 

When and as I see myself thinking that I have no purpose or goal, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that the words “Purpose” and “Goal” have been abused in this world and society relate them to “Success” = something that gives you Money - and linked to archetypes that are accepted by all of us collectively. I also see, realize and understand that I don’t need a girl, children, a family or a house with a dog to be considered/defined as a “successful young man”, because probably all the the skills I have are invisible to the eyes of the archetypes collectively constructed in our society and that’s why I perceive I have to be approved/accepted by others within the things I do, kind of saying “you think I am stupid and lazy, but I can show you what I can do. It’s just that you are not able to see my skills, because they are not valued in our current competitive system that does not consider - for instance - art as a powerful skill”.

I commit myself to live my expression in art as who I am without seeing myself with self-pity for being "an unemployed teacher who has a stupid band instead of looking for a new job in order to be socially accepted and valued”.

I commit myself to give my best as self-expression while playing music, writing, reading, studying, because I see, realize and understand that my starting point has to be a self-commitment in order to know myself, change myself and then I can be a living example for others that might be walking the same path, so I can support them as who I am in self-honesty, self-responsibility and self-trust.

When and as I see myself facing a situation wherein people are using the Clinical Discourse to validate their point of view I stop and breath. I see, realize and understand that I can just be here and listen to them, be open to learn from them and try to participate in the conversation with all I have realized about it and then foster a conversation where all realize we might be believing something that has never been the truth, so as to nourish myself and others through communication.

I commit myself to listen to the different opinions people might have that believe as their truth and just talk to them as I would like to be talked if I said something “wrong", not "well educated" or not considering another perspective, in order to promote communication and feedback instead of friction and thus, be able to learn from each other without participating in any “challenge” to legitimate Self through Ego apparently giving a Purpose as a Medicine to “Depression”.