martes, 26 de mayo de 2015

Playing With My Hair (Day 82)


Continuing with one of my previous posts “Chewing Gum (Day 77)”

"I will continue in my next post with some other moments where I see this unaware participation when interacting with something/someone in order to open up more points that may support me to be here in self-awareness and living activities such as chewing, walking, driving, singing, masturbating and having sex as who I am as the physical instead of as a mind unconscious program that determines HOW (fast) I live/express myself due to the thoughts as patterns I have placed before my self-expression when interacting”.

So - I will start off with mentioning that I have noticed one unconscious thought manifestation in my human physical body that actually started when I was about 3-4 years old. 

I always grab my hair with my fingers and "play" making moorings and then loosing them.

The memory I have is me laying on the couch, drinking milk from the feeding bottle, watching TV while playing with my hair using my fingers - Which is something I still do nowadays. I mean, not drinking milk from a feeding bottle like a baby, but playing with my hair lol.

When people see me doing this, they say “Hey you will get hairless if you continue doing that”, but I have never believed that.

Anyways - What I have been noticing recently is that I tend to play with my hair when I am watching/listening to someone/something. 

You may think that I do it in order to pay more attention, but it’s quite the opposite. I have realized that when people are talking to me and I start playing with my hair it’s like I am not here. I am in my mind instead. In other words, when you are talking to me and I am playing with my hair, I will say “uh huh, yeah” as if I was paying attention to your words, but actually, I will be thinking and thinking, not being aware of what you are saying.

I haven’t identified what is the specific thought/backchat/feeling/emotion that comes to my mind when I play with my hair yet. I only realize that I am playing with my hair when I catch myself doing it in the moment. So, as this is the first time I am writing about this point, I will investigate more about this unconscious reaction, so as to understand what are the thoughts/backchats/feelings/emotions I experience that lead me to place my hand in my head and not be here in the physical in self-awareness as every breath.

Another memory I have with regards to this point is me asking mom “Why do I play with my hair? Have I always done it?” and she said “When you were a baby I used to make you sleepy while I played with your hair, especially with that part that you play with in your head now. And one of your older cousins does it as well, because I did the same with him when he was a baby and I wanted to make him sleepy”.

So, one may think that my mom pre-programmed/installed that physical pattern within my cousin and me, because both of us received the same stimuli as babies, plus we still do the same currently, but, what I want to investigate here are the thoughts/backchats/feelings/emotions that activate the quantum physical pattern today, in order to start becoming more aware of my participation/self-expression here.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to unconsciously react with a quantum physical pattern when listening/watching/reading something, placing my hand in my head and then binding and loosing it with no self-awareness towards what's going on here, because I get distracted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get distracted from my physical reality every time I play with my hair while listening to people, reading or watching someone/something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here constantly/unconditionally in self-awareness and instead I catch myself wondering in the mind while playing with my hair.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend I am listening to someone when they are talking to me while I am playing with my hair and then I say “uh huh, yeah” when actually I don’t even remember what they were talking about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not change my physical stance when I realize I am playing with my hair, because I get too hypnotized that I want to continue doing it until my scalp starts hurting a bit or my hair becomes starchy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to add "upgrades" to this game throughout time without giving myself direction to be here, because every time I play with my hair I find different ways to make more and more moorings - which keeps me more busy and distracted - instead of practicing/applying other methods that may help me be here in the physical, in self-awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel "proud" when people say “Hey, what are you doing with your hair? Stop doing that. You will get hairless” and then I say “You know, this is who I am. I have been doing this since I was 3-4 years old. This is part of me”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my “who I am” as a quantum physical pattern without even knowing its purpose, nor whether it assists/supports me or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define this quantum physical pattern as something that makes me unique/special, without seeing, realizing and understanding that "uniqueness" and "specialness" do not exist, because we are all One and Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question the patterns that I blindly/unconsciously follow in order to investigate who I really am as the physical.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself playing with my hair while someone is talking to me, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am not paying attention to what the other person is saying and I am just in the mind like an organic robot in automatic mode = I am not here in self-awareness.


I commit myself to stop and breathe when I catch myself playing with my hair while listening to someone, in order to bring myself back here and identify the thoughts/backchats/feelings/emotions that lead me into the activation of my pre-programmed/conditioned quantum physical pattern that I have been applying since I was a child.

I commit myself to continue exploring myself within this quantum physical pattern through self-forgiveness, so as to be more aware of myself/my environment and become self-directive from within to without, instead of giving my power away to the mind system and its patterns that keep me enslaved/trapped as unconscious manifestations that determine how I express myself towards the world.

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