jueves, 14 de mayo de 2015

Tinder (Day 79)


I was on vacation during February in a different city when a friend of mine told me about a new application he had downloaded in his phone. He explained that the app’s name was Tinder and that it was used to meet new people, especially girls.

For those who don’t know about it, Tinder is an application where you create a brief profile with a couple of pictures of you and other people see your pictures and they can either like you or dislike you. Now - When you have liked a profile and it coincides with another person that liked you, a match occurs which allows both people to have a chat. Quite simple.

I’m sure you can find more specific information about it on the internet, so…Anyways. - Well, I downloaded the application after a month my friend told me about it. I started using it and there were a couple of realizations I had that I would like to share.

The first one was my criterion to determine whether I liked the other person or not. I wasn’t completely aware of it actually. I didn’t know why I liked some girls and some others didn't. I then asked myself “is it because of the picture I am seeing that I am making a decision? I mean, am I making a choice based on a picture?” 

Then, I realized that I was discriminating some profiles because the girls that appeared there were a bit chubby, had “ugly” faces, I didn't like their body types and their faces and clothes didn’t coincide with my  pre-programmed “preferences” and definition of a "good candidate".

I got like 5 or 6 matches with some girls. I bet that for girls it is easier to get more matches lol. 

Now - Everytime I got a new match I reacted within myself. Like when a person you like has sent you a message and you can’t wait until you read it. A mixture between anxiety and "happiness".

I talked to a couple of girls and the chats weren’t bad, but I found it difficult to really get to know someone, because of how we interpret what the other person is saying. I mean, I had liked some girls because of how they looked on a picture, then it came the interpretation of what they wrote within the chats, judging what they were writing and basically creating a mind relationship (a relationship with my own mind and how I perceived/believed the other person was) instead of a real/physical relationship with another.

I am not using the word “relationship” meaning girlfriend and boyfriend. When you communicate with other beings, what you build are relationships; it can be a work relationship, a family relationship, a neighbor relationship, etc.

So - Let’s sum up. I was judging girls through their Tinder Profiles. When I liked how a girl looked in her pictures, I pressed the “Like” button. Then when the match happened, we started a chat which consisted on only speaking a couple of times and that was all. Any deep conversation, just the typical interchange of words and when I stopped talking to some girl, I was like “ah, I bet she won’t talk to me, because she found a more “handsome” / “interesting” dude lol. 

Well, I finally erased Tinder from my phone, because I didn’t find any self-honest starting point towards keeping it. I mean, feeding my mind with pictures and interpreting how a girl is based on how she looks in her pictures, plus the things she says in order to judge her….hmm not really supportive. 

Besides that, the criterion I was unconsciously using to “chose” a girl was “would I fuck this girl? hm yeah, I would. hmm this one? No way!”. So it was basically a relationship with my own mind based on how I believed these girls were = mind fuck.

And in relation to the mind relationship I was creating, I can say that I judged these girls within the following criteria. 

  • If she’s the first one who talks = She’s desperate. 
  • If she doesn’t have certain feedback to the things I mention = She is not a smart girl.
  • If she doesn’t show more interest in chatting with me = She’s having fun with another guy, because she must have many matches - more than I do - and she’s only feeding her ego.
  • If she doesn’t talk to me anymore is because she created a wrong interpretation about me in her head that she is not even aware of how she created it, because she’s judging as well as I have.

As you can see, all I was creating was mind relationships. That’s why I didn’t find my participation there really supportive. I was just becoming one more marionette that acts perfectly according to how we are supposed to “chose” a girl to talk to or to do whatever you agree to do together.

A friend of mine said “you know, I press the Like button to all the profiles on Tinder. I don’t care if she’s fat, ugly or whatever”. This was interesting because it got me thinking “If I am not open to equally talk to every human being, leaving all the stereotypes aside and just have a conversation, what is the purpose? What’s my purpose?”. 

So - For those who still have Tinder. What are you supporting? I mean, one should be aware of why we don’t like something at least. Is it because what we are seeing in pictures does not constitute the collectively accepted image of a “sexy woman/man that I would like to fuck?” - Such a self-awared participation, right? Or is it that you believe that you are going to find the "perfect partner" there? = A person who looks and acts according to your pre-programmed/conditioned/alienated and unaware self-created idea of a "perfect partner" that will make you happy forever and ever.

Oh, I’m missing something here. Most of the Tinder users only upload the pictures that better fit a stereotype. I mean “if I’m going to create a profile, I must upload the pictures where I look more beautiful” - But they are not identically the same if you compare the picture and the real person lol. 

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to discriminate human beings based on how they look in pictures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that through discriminating human beings based on how they look in pictures I am unconsciously applying my pre-programmed preferences that dictate how a “beautiful girl” must look, based on stereotypes collectively constructed within our current competitive system that I have accepted and allowed to exist within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support the current system through unconsciously acting in a discriminatory manner towards human beings and how they look in pictures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that human beings are not images/pictures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that that which I am seeing in a picture is only a reflection of myself as the mind and all the traits and labels I place upon these beings are just my own creation that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive as the truth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge a person when they apparently don’t know what to say to what I am saying, labeling them as “not smart”. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge girls based on the way they behave through a chat, for instance how long she takes to reply; if she replies fast = she is desperate. If she takes longer to reply = she is giving herself too much importance or she is busy flirting with another guy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create mind relationships instead of real/physical relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in participating in such a game of “likes” and “dislikes” I am supporting the unequal system as it has always existed and I am not creating any change, just contributing to make the shit bigger and bigger under the belief that “it’s fun”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only focus on how “Fun" things are without seeing the consequences that I am not able to see because I am only focusing on the Positive, the “Like” instead of the “Dislike”, the picture I prefer, instead of the "ugly" girl I wouldn’t fuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the system just as one more gear with no clear direction/self-awareness and instead, being directed by how the system works, only giving me two options; like or dislike, beautiful or ugly, god or satan, peace or war, good person or bad person, rich or poor, etc, etc, etc - creating no change, but polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that the world is compound by ugly and beautiful people, without realizing that Ugliness only exists because the word Beauty exists and what determines what beauty is are the mainstream media, movies, magazines, etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how fucked up my mind and interpretation ability are due to the stereotypes I have accepted and allowed to become “my preferences” in this world/life.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself discriminating someone based on their image as a body shape, clothes, etc, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that human beings are not an image/picture, neither they are a name, profession or appearance. I also realize that our current system has led us to believe that we are just an avatar and that we have to be better than others and that it really exists better people than others.

I commit myself to stop judging people for the way they look and be open to equally interact with them instead of discriminating and just being one more gear that contributes to create the same shit we have been creating for many years with no self-awareness.

When and as I see myself creating a mind relationship with someone, where I think that all that I believe and perceive about the other person is real, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that the only way I have to get to know someone is through their words and actions, therefore if I am not seeing what I am reading as actions, I won’t be able to make sure whether my perception towards that person was accurate or not.

I commit myself to not create mind relationships with other human beings based on what I perceive and judge from their behavior, because I see, realize and understand that in doing so, I would only be filling the missing information I would like to know as curiosity about them instead of really experiencing them in real life as time and space as the physical, as equals.

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