Ir al contenido principal

Part II: Communication Within Bands (Day 92)


This post is related to a previous one I wrote some months ago called Communication Within Bands (Day 71).

Talking with a friend who plays in my band yesterday I told him about an idea I have which consists of picking up covers for our rehearsals, so we can be in contact with music in those days that we are not practicing (We practice twice a week).

What I heard from this guy was basically his current involvement with the band, for instance that he prefers practicing instead of playing live and that he sees the band as a practice time to do something physical, but with no future projections. Then, he added that some time ago he proposed something similar (the covers idea) and that he was not heard/supported and that the band kind of made fun of him. – The truth is that I don’t remember that specific event, so probably he spoke about how he felt after that event, based on his perception, in other words; he spoke emotions.

Then we parked the car and a girl in charge of the parking lot came. I interacted with her and it seemed she didn’t like what I said when she wanted us to pay her in advance.

We continued talking about the band and I mentioned that now I am learning how to be more organized and stuff. He said “you guys missed that opportunity from me” – Like meaning “you didn’t value that I was an organized person with good ideas for the band”. I said “nobody missed anything, dude”.

After that I moved to the back seats, because I was cleaning the car and I asked my friend “was I too rude with that girl?” and he said “Naa, but you could try saying the same you said but speaking slower and probably with a smile, so she can realize that it’s nothing personal” – I said “wouldn’t that be manipulation? Because you are aware that it depends on the way you express yourself (more than the words you use) in order to get what you want” and he said “it is manipulation…” I supported what he was saying kind of guessing “…but manipulation in order to make the conversation better?” and he said “… manipulation not focused on myself winning, but to understand each other better”. – Cool insight, BUT for some reason I can't trust his intentions behind his words, because the only one who knows if that’s true or false it’s only him, because when you talk about intentions that exist within your mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions, you need to apply self-honesty and the only way I can have access to a person’s self-honesty process is through their writings and I haven’t seen any writing from this dude where he exposes what happens within his mind in every moment.

Then, my friend said “some months ago when I was telling you – within an argument – about the same topic: The WAY we express ourselves you didn’t consider what I was saying and you kind of sent me to hell”. - Now that I am looking at this through self-writing, I am able to consider that this dude probably is speaking about that issue based on how he felt within the past, therefore what I am listening to are conclusions that to me appear from nowhere.

At that moment I started reacting within myself, because what I was hearing from him was basically only stuff from the past and I noticed that he didn’t even say “yes” or “no” to my idea/proposal.

I continued listening to him without saying anything, because I wanted to put things clear within myself first instead of creating another argument or just saying shit from the past (I mentioned one point from the past within the conversation, but that will be material for another post).

Now – The idea I was proposing was because I have noticed recently that - within our rehearsals - we don’t have any clear direction. I mean, one of the guys is new and he doesn’t say much. Another one always plays the same songs and it’s like I go there and half of the band seems like they are just in automatic mode, while believing we are flowing as self-expression. 

Anyways, the point is that yesterday I perceived that while being in the car with my friend, he was kind of “taking advantage” of the situation - like releasing all that for some reason was suppressed from the past within himself - because if I propose an idea, is it of common sense to mention your frustrations from the past? Isn’t a result of your frustrations to be in a band just as a physical exercise because your ideas were apparently sent to the trash in the past? Why would I be in a band if I realize I am not being heard and supported? – Because you are still feeding yourself from it, right? Therefore it is related to self-interest, because I am probably looking for “feeling good” while playing, but when you look for “feeling good” what you are looking for is an experience, it’s not an unconditional expression as yourself within music, therefore you are playing in a band because you don't want to be alone. The same mechanism that functions within relationships. You don't break up with your partner because you prefer having some physical action once in a while instead of having to masturbate all alone at home = self-interest.

Another point is that saying an idea to a band and being apparently “rejected” and not having your band motivated with your idea is not my fault, it’s the band’s responsibility. So, in saying “you didn’t value me”, you are placing yourself outside of the band. Not as One and Equal, but separate.

Now that I am analyzing the whole context again I realize that there is a “desire for revenge” within myself. This is not of course something related to violence in any way whatsoever. It’s basically the desire to be “right” and making my friend realize that he was just speaking bullshit, but in doing so, I wouldn’t be living the band as One and Equal, because I should be able to continue with more ideas even though I may feel “rejected”, because instead of crying, I prefer trying without "feeling", but BEING unconditionally without experiencing the desire to win an argument or the desire for revenge.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with the desire for revenge when analyzing that what my friend said could have been driven by his emotions and perception from the past events he experienced.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be right and make another person feel they are only speaking bullshit, without seeing, realizing and understanding that in doing so, I am only perpetuating a cycle of arguments instead bringing about solutions in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label my friend as a “frustrated person”, because he mentioned that in the past his ideas were rejected and not valued instead of saying “I am in” or “I am out”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that my friend was "taking advantage" of the situation in order to release from within all that he suppressed from the past, without realizing it was just him expressing himself and that I didn't have to take it personally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when a person is expressing himself/herself and mentioning stuff from the past while I perceive they want me to experience regret through their words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to quit the band, because I don’t want to feel that I am wasting my time and doing what I do only for pleasing others; being there only to make their “physical exercise” happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in believing that I am “wasting my time”, I am participating in a polarity equation, because if my band is not doing what I want, that means that I am inferior = doing what they want - without realizing that what we have to do is what we want to do as one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see my band members as equals when it comes to ideas and proposals, because they apparently don’t value what I do = we are not aligned = I feel rejected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience frustration after being rejected when I proposed an idea for the band.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to say “if you don’t change into what I want, I am going to quit, because I don’t want to waste my time with you”, without seeing, realizing and understanding that a member from the band already did that in the past and the result was that he came back to the band without being able to keep his decision, therefore placing conditions within the band is not the solution, because it has to be an agreement, otherwise I will only perpetuate the same cycle from the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take advantage of certain situations where I noticed someone is proposing something I already proposed in the past that was rejected, in order to say “ah, now you realize it was a good idea but, you know what? It’s too late now”, so they can experience regret for the “huge opportunity” they missed through rejecting my ideas and proposals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that when a person remains in silence within a discussion that means that I am right = I won the argument.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when a person is in silence and listening to all I am saying it doesn’t mean that I am right, that might also mean that they are just listening in self-awareness instead of being focused on “winning”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that arguments are to win or lose, without seeing, realizing and understanding that when the principles of Oneness and Equality are applied = everybody wins.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach my band based on self-interest through expecting “feeling good” while playing, instead of applying the principles of Oneness and Equality and be an unconditional expression of who I am within and as music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I participate in frustration every time I bring past experiences to my current existence, because in doing so, I am thinking and believing that the past will determine the present and thus, the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become tired of trying and trying with new ideas for the band and now just focusing on my own experience without considering everyone’s starting points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I became tired of trying with new ideas and proposals that means that my starting point beneath those ideas and proposals was based on energy. Energy that vanished, therefore it was not an unconditional physical expression as who I am = It wasn't real as who I am. It was dependent on energy = Not a real physical Expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not ask myself in self honesty “why am I in this band?” and just doing it, without seeing, realizing and understanding that in not having a clear starting point within myself, I am just following my feelings and emotions in every moment while looking for experiences that will make me feel good while being in a band instead of standing up, speaking it out and finding solutions that will function as the best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that constantly participating in music without a clear starting point will create habits within the band that if they are not directed, they will become the unconscious purpose of the band = playing without considering becoming better at what we do, because even mistakes may become habits within songs when you are not committed in self-awareness towards having it nicely done for the next time.

Self-Corrective/Commitment Statements

When and as I see myself experiencing frustration because I perceive that my ideas are not being considered and/or valued, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that I don’t need to remain within frustration and project it into the future to then stop giving more ideas based on a “bad” experience from the past, because that would be the past manifesting towards the future, without being myself able to give myself direction in every moment of every breath.

I commit myself to live my ideas as an unconditional expression of myself without feeling frustrated if people don’t accept them immediately.

When and as I see myself expecting to get a positive response to my ideas and then finding out the opposite (Rejection), I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that I cannot expect that people will respond to my ideas in the way I want, because they first have to analyze and understand and then, there might be points I am not considering, therefore I have to be willing to listen to them as I like to be heard when I give my ideas.

I commit myself to not expect a positive response after giving an idea, because that would lead me to experience frustration and then the manifestation of that frustration into the future. Therefore, I commit myself to not depend on positive responses to my ideas to continue expressing them.

When and as I see myself speaking from my past experiences when someone is proposing ideas in the present, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that every moment is a new opportunity to change and that I cannot accept and allow my past experiences to determine who I am now.

I commit myself to not be influenced by my past experiences in my present, because I see, realize and understand that every breath is a new and different opportunity to change and become better within our self-expression.

When and as I see myself feeling positive like “winning” because the person I am talking to remains in silence, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that the silence is an opportunity to learn, therefore within learning the concept of “win” and “lose” does not exist, because learning is for oneself, not a competition.


I commit myself to stop and breathe when I start experiencing myself as positive because I have perceived that I won, because I see, realize and understand that life is not a competition and the only way I have to stop the polarity of winner/loser is through always looking for that which is best for all, because there is when everybody wins.

Comentarios

Entradas populares de este blog

Getting Angry with Students (Day 30)

Within my job as a teacher I can remember a few moments in which I took things personal, but they happened during my first year. Now, I am on my third year as a teacher and it's hard for me to get angry with students, because I prefer to address the issue through communication and agreements.
Today, I got angry with a student and I didn't even realize it until another student that was next to me said "teacher, don't get angry".
The scenario went as it follows:
Students were presenting oral reports. Before they start, I take the time to tell the class that they have to be quiet while their classmates are performing, because I have to assess them and if there's too much noise, I can't hear very well.
It was hard to me to keep them completely quiet today - teachers know that not all lessons with the same class work the same due to different factors -. So, I had to constantly stop and say "guys, be quiet. Your classmates are performing". That happened d…

When You See Only What You Want To See (Day 162)

Someone made an observation about me after communicating with them a couple of times. They noticed that I tend to see only what I want to see; meaning, that I understand things in the wrong way.

At first I was within myself like “But, how can that be possible if I try to be objective when I observe or listen to the information being shared?”, until today while watching a video and then, when giving it a second watch, I realized that “Hey, the first time I watched the video I understood something completely different to what I am understanding now”.
So, I asked myself “Why did that happen?” and in self-honesty I can say that I was not fully aware of what I was doing. I was watching the video, but at the same time having a chat and also concerned about a problem I had. 
It’s like for moments I am paying attention, but then I go into my mind. Then, I get back to my body/awareness and I listen to the information and ‘understand what I want to understand’ or what it’s related to what I was t…

Energy-Based Relationships (Day 158)

Today I woke up with this feeling of loss, like I ‘had’ something that I was somehow losing. I realized that it’s energy. It’s the positive energy that I have been unconsciously creating within myself by spending time with X.

The way this came up was as fear; fear of losing, but more specifically, fear of not being ‘loved’ or that everything that X could possibly develop as energy towards myself was decaying. So, in the back of my mind, there was this idea that in order for me to be 'loved'/'liked', I required some energy.
I have realized that this emotional shifts happen when I believe in my thoughts when I am alone or when I judge what X shares with me. These shifts happen very fast and I realize that I activate the pattern but I become aware of it once already being in the emotional reaction.
When this happens, I tend to go “This is not gonna work. They are not feeling the same. They are faking it. This is only a game”, when actually the one that is participating in …