domingo, 7 de junio de 2015

Part II: Stop Smoking (Day 86)


It's been one week without smoking cigarettes. I won't deny it, I sometimes feel like "I want a cigarette now", especially when I am experiencing myself in social meetings.

What I've noticed through this experience and also through talking/sharing with another friend that quit smoking about 2 months ago is that we sometimes smoke in order to fulfill "dead moments". For instance when you don't know what to do, then you smoke. Simple.

Yesterday I was observing the people smoking in a party and I realized that sometimes one is not even aware of how self smokes a cigarette. Instead of making it an experience where we are here, we have turned it into a more unconscious action = just doing it in "automatic mode".

While observing these people yesterday night, I saw the smoke coming out of their mouths and I thought "That dude is not really enjoying the cigarette. I would enjoy the smoke more than him", kind of saying that I deserved a cigarette more than another person lol.

I have also been asked about it: "Did you stop smoking?" - But that's something I can't answer as an ultimate "yes", because the decision of not smoking comes in every moment. That's why I have realized that it doesn't matter how many days I count without smoking, because that's not going to define me. In other words, I am not a number of days without smoking, I am instead the decision I choose to live in every moment. Therefore, it's a point in constant motion. It's not static.


There are people that I thought they would react negatively towards the fact that I am not smoking, but actually, they haven't even noticed it. So, I realize that when I started walking the decision to stop smoking, I projected my fears into other people and thought "What will they think? I will probably have to share a cigarette with them again, because it's part of what we have always done, plus I have met these people through sharing cigarettes". But, it hasn't gone that way. Therefore, what I had projected from my mind, it hasn't even been close to reality. So, this is a proof for me to realize and understand how the mind loves to make things look more than what they are.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my mind projections and then react in fear when I thought  "What will they think? I will probably have to share a cigarette with them again, because it's part of what we have always done, plus I have met these people through sharing cigarettes".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the mind when deciding what's best for me/my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I deserve a cigarette more than other people, because there are apparently people who smoke but don't know how to really enjoy a cigarette.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with other smokers and within it I see myself as "better", judging them for the way they smoke, because they apparently seem to not smoke in self-awareness, but in a more "automatic mode".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to - through comparison - get to the conclusion that "I deserve a cigarette more than them" and then react with the desire to smoke.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to picture myself smoking a cigarette and then think "I could smoke right now and nobody would notice it".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more importance to how I present myself in front of other people instead of doing it for myself in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the smell of cigarettes when people are smoking around me and then react with the desire to smoke.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have conditioned myself to smell a cigarette and then to desire to smoke as a pre-programmed reaction/behavior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to picture myself within my mind where I see myself smoking and enjoying every puff until I then say "stop" in order to do not "succumb to the temptation".

Self-Corrective/Commitment Statements

When and as I see myself thinking that people do not know how to enjoy a cigarette in self-awareness and I compare myself with them within my mind where I see myself as a person who deserves to smoke a cigarette "more than" other people, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am using that comparison as justifications in order to smoke and not remain in self-honesty and self-commitment with my decision.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I see myself defining myself as a person who deserves to smoke more than other people who seem to smoke in "automatic mode", so as to bring myself back here and continue walking my decision, because it is what is best for myself/my body.

When and as I see myself enjoying the smell of cigarettes, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am trying to find any "good reason" to continue smoking, because through the smell I will go into imaginations and finally the desire to smoke will ignite.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I see myself enjoying the smell of cigarettes and then considering to smoke again as imaginations within my mind, because in doing so, I am unconsciously activating the desire which leads me into justifications and comparison. Thus, I commit myself to stop and breathe when I picture myself smoking within my mind, because that's an indicator that I as the mind will continue finding justifications to smoke instead of remaining fully committed to the decision without experiencing any movement/resistance within myself.

No hay comentarios:

Publicar un comentario