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Self-Judgment Within Communication (Day 102)


I once was told that the “way” you express yourself, meaning; words, voice tonality, volume and body language can create different outcomes when trying to solve problems through communication.

I was told this after an argument and I didn’t pay attention to that person’s words, because in that moment I thought that he was just saying excuses while trying to victimize self and not wanting to first admit that he made a mistake because he took my words personally while within myself I thought I had expressed myself in full honesty about myself but nothing against him.

There’s a person in my family that is very similar to me; one of my sisters. I have been working on not reacting towards her when I don’t like the way she expresses herself and instead, I just breathe, listen and observe, because I realize that I am a lot like her, especially when I am sure I am “right” and that my suggestions may be a “contribution”, BUT, I realize that even though I may be “right” and that my perspective can be constructive, the “way” I express myself does not support an effective communication, because I create friction and thus, the outcome is not the best for all.

I had attached myself to the belief/idea that it did not matter the way I expressed myself, because if I was “right” and I was sure that my words were going to be supportive, then the reaction on others would be their own responsibility, meaning, if they felt “bad” because of the way I expressed myself, then it was them the ones that were placing themselves in an inferior position = they decide how to experience themselves through their thoughts, feelings and emotions.

So, I question myself now: Was my voice tonality expressing a suggestion/contribution? Was my body language calm and free from energy when I was making these suggestions? The answer is NO. Because most of the times when I have to express myself I feel I am under pressure. My facial expression is not relaxed and my voice goes in a kind of authoritarian tonality.

I remember that in the past I have had people telling me “It’s okay, but don’t get angry” and I went “I am not angry lol”, because I was not, BUT, due to my facial expression, body language and voice tonality, I looked and sounded angry.

Now – Why would I become stressed or under pressure while expressing myself? I can tell that it’s because of fear and self-judgments. Fear because I want to get out as soon as possible of that situation/context and thus, I apply the “faster” method based on “running” instead of walking step by step through breathing and making sure I am stable here in my body. Plus, I judge myself as a person who is not good at speaking in public and I get too focused on not making mistakes, that my intention of making a contribution becomes affected by my body language and voice tonality. So, I might be perceived as a person that expresses self in an angry/violent mood and thus, the people in my environment might have more reasons to take what I say personally and even though it is their responsibility the way they react to my words, I realize that I am not fully expressing myself breath by breath. I realize that I can work on this in order to become One and Equal in Thought, Word and Deed, in other words; I can expand myself and make a cohesion among the intention I have (thought), the words (voice tonality) and deed (Body language).

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the belief that I am not good at speaking in public and thus, judge myself and become stressed and under pressure when I have to express my ideas in front of the people in my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have manifested the thoughts of self-judgment towards the unconscious mind layer when feeling my facial expression tense and not relaxed while at the same time my voice tonality becomes authoritarian when it comes to speaking in front of other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the ideas/beliefs other people might create towards me if they see me making a mistake when expressing myself in front of them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have avoided speaking in public in the past because of the fear of being judged by others because of the possibility of being perceived as a troublesome person that speaks in an angry way who does not know how to express himself effectively in a different way.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to express myself equally in thought, word and deed due to the fear and self-judgments I have held onto.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to breathe when having to express myself in front of others in order to make sure I am stable here in my body and thus, being aware of my voice tonality and body language.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get sweat when having to express myself in front of others because instead of breathing, being here listening in order to share my perspective I pay more attention to the beliefs and ideas of self that I hold onto and as a consequence I also get distracted from the conversation and I end up making no contribution, but only possessed by fear and self-judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have experienced a relief in the past when I was hiding myself behind fear and self-judgments and when suddenly we all had to leave I thought “phew!” due to the stress I was building through fueling my mind with thoughts and backchats based on the beliefs/ideas I was holding onto.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have triggered the desire to be unnoticed - meaning not having to speak or asked for my opinion - when I had to express myself in front of people that I didn’t know very well and when it came to people that I knew, I did it through a rough voice tonality because of the the unconscious manifestation of my thoughts which contained fear and self-judgments that made my physical expression / body language more like a reaction of a defense mechanism instead of real expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have conditioned myself to activate a different behavior when I interact with people I know v/s when I interact with people I don’t know.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to express myself equally within all the contexts I participate in, because every time I have to do it, I ask my self-judgments for permission and then, I speak based on the way I feel.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see everyone as equals, because before expressing myself I judge the people around me when I do not know them very well and I immediately place them whether in the position of “more than me” or “less than me” and that ends up determining the way I express myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become dependent on the way I feel in front of others to express myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have suppressed my expression when having people expressing towards me in the past, because I placed myself in the “less than them” / “passive” position while at the same time wanting to avoid a conflict, without realizing that the very conflict was going on inside me through attaching myself to self-judgments and fear, instead of being able to find solutions through an effective communication out of energetic movements.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the authoritarian way of expressing myself occurs because I don’t want to be seen as a weak person and even though the intention as the thought may be constructive/supportive within myself, my body language is showing me that I am not being self-honest as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind the belief that “It is people’s responsibility how they interpret and react to my words” because that has inhibit me from opening up other dimensions/layers that require direction within and without myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize and understand that the responsibility over the mind and its patterns/components is course each one’s, but the solution after applying self-responsibility and having insights/realizations through opening up certain dimensions must support everyone equally and not only me, otherwise it would be only based on self-interest with no consideration towards the world.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize and understand that even though it is people’s responsibility to decide how they react to what I express, I can avoid fueling their reactions through working on my own self-judgments within my self-expression with regards to body language and voice tonality, in order to understand that if I speak in a certain way/mood unconsciously, I am going to create friction, therefore I should try a different way to express myself so as to get a mutual understanding through effective communication.

Self-Corrective/Commitment Statements

When and as I see myself holding onto the belief/idea that I am not good at speaking in front of others, I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am responsible for how I am experiencing myself within those contexts, because I am fueling the belief/idea through thoughts and backchats that are based on self-judgment and fear and thus, I end up asking my mind for permission before expressing myself and that’s manifested through my physical when I sweat, when I activate the authoritarian voice tonality and when my facial expression becomes tense as indicators that I am not living self-expression unconditionally as the physical if I continue holding onto those beliefs/ideas of “who I am” through whether trying to be seen in a certain light or trying to avoid being seeing as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become as the mind system.

I commit myself to stop holding onto the belief/idea that I am not good at speaking in front of others and instead, to prove it physically when I have the opportunity to do it through breathing and becoming aware of my body language, facial expression and voice tonality.

When and as I see myself feeling my facial expression tense, feeling under pressure, sweating and feeling uncomfortable within my human physical body, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am judging myself and fearing what others may perceive from me and as a consequence, I end up not expressing myself in a comfortable/relaxed way.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when feeling uncomfortable within my human physical body when speaking in front of others, meaning; sweating, having a tense facial expression or an authoritarian voice tonality, in order to bring myself back here to the physical and realize that I am giving my power away to the self-judgment and fear and that I am the only one who can change it through stopping the mind as thoughts/backchats/feelings/emotions and instead, just expressing myself unconditionally through realizing that we are all equal and that such thing as “better than” / “less than” does not exist and that any mistake I may make through expressing myself in front of others is part of a learning process that can be changed/corrected for the next time.

When and as I see myself wanting to get out as soon as possible from a context where I have to express myself in front of others, I stop and breathe. I realize that wanting to run is not going to help, because that will enforce the thinking process and as a consequence, I will end up feeling uncomfortable within my human physical body, because I will not be expressing myself breath by breath while being calm and aware of my body language.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when wanting to get out as soon as possible from a context wherein I have to express myself in front of others, so as to ground myself, become stable in my body, give myself direction breath by breath, step by step through walking the situation, considering all the aspects that are being presented to me and then, once I am sure I am not participating in energetic movements, express myself while being aware of my body language, voice tonality and facial expressions and thus, be able to express myself effectively in a constructive way that will not only support me, but others as well equally.

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