Today it’s been two days without smoking weed and I have decided to quit. It’s not that I think that smoking weed is “bad”, “wrong” or "immoral". The reason why I am stopping is because of my relationship with it and other effects that were not supporting me in any way.
Most people say that when they smoke weed their physical pains stop. Well, in my case when I am experiencing a physical pain and I smoke weed I feel that the pain intensifies instead of decreasing.
Through walking this process of stopping the mind I have realized that when smoking weed I spend lots of time within my mind thinking and I get completely distracted from reality, because many things can happen around me, but I won’t be aware of it because I am too busy within my mind.
I also realize that when I am worried about something and I smoke weed, instead of feeling better, I feel worse and I have even felt my human physical body getting fraught about to collapse in a type of panic attack.
Another point that I noticed was that sometimes I used excuses when I made mistakes. I said “oh, I forgot to do that. I’m too high”- believing that the weed effect was responsible for what happened. For instance today I was driving in a wrong direction and I thought “it’s the weed. No, wait. I am not high. It’s me”.
Finally, I realized that everything was around weed and every time I went out with my friends we had to buy some, otherwise it was perceived that we were not going to have real fun, completely depending on it to do almost everything. Like a car that depends on gas to function.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I need to smoke weed in order to have more fun when I go out with my friends.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated when dealers don’t have weed for selling, because I think and believe that I am not going to enjoy every moment as I would enjoy them if I had weed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that smoking weed is going to make me feel better when I am worried about something, without realizing that the only thing I get through smoking is making my problems bigger within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that days without smoking weed are boring.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to understand that when I smoke weed my thoughts get intensified instead of being released.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not support myself unconditionally in order to stop my participation within my mind every time I smoke weed, because instead of being here in the physical, I get lost within my thoughts and imaginations.
When and as I see myself thinking that I am bored and that I have to smoke weed in order to enjoy myself, I stop and breathe. I realize that weed can give me a boost, but I would be "living" the word enjoyment through something separate from me, instead of living it as pure self-expression. I realize that the realization that I am bored comes as a thought, therefore it’s a perception that I have turned into a behavioral pattern that I obediently follow just because it has always been like that.
I commit myself to use this process of no smoking weed as a way to learn more about myself in order to stop self-dishonesties and be able to give myself direction in moments where I think that I am bored and that I require to smoke weed so as to support my process of stopping the mind instead of feeding it.