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Mostrando entradas de agosto, 2015

Part III: Masturbation & Porn (Day 110)

This is part three. Continuing with my previous posts: Masturbation & Porn (Day 108) and Part II: Masturbation & Porn (Day 109).
Now I would like to walk some self-forgiveness statements in relation to the beliefs / ideas that are collectively / individually constructed around Masturbation as the misunderstood concept of “self-expression” when making it dependent on Porn.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it is impossible to masturbate without watching porn.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach myself to the belief / idea that one cannot masturbate without watching porn and use that axiomatic premise as an excuse to remain in self-manipulation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a criterion based on frequency in order to create the excuse that I do not require to change, because I am not apparently addicted to mixing porn with masturbation, without realizing …

Part II: Masturbation & Porn (Day 109)

This is the continuation of the previous post called Masturbation & Porn (Day 108). Here I would like to share some stuff I was doing through playing with the word Masturbation:
Mas = More (in Spanish) = To Add.
Turbate (Turbar in Spanish) = To get someone confused so he / she does not know what to say or do.
Masturbation = More-Turbation = To add confusion in human beings’ lives through limiting self-expression.
The question is: Why would Masturbation limit human beings’ self-expression? I would say that everything that belongs to a programming is part of self-limitation, especially when we do not realize that we are conditioned, because we believe that what we feel / desire is part of the human’s nature.

The problem with this belief is that it is so ingrained within ourselves that everything we think, say and do goes through a conditioned / programmed process, because the control / manipulation is not only out there, it’s also existing within us inside our minds. We believe we are …

Masturbation & Porn (Day 108)

Within the last weeks I have been exploring what masturbation really is and what we have come to be-LIE-ve masturbation is, especially through one’s participation in pornography. What do I mean by participation in pornography? - Watching porn to masturbate.
I have noticed that there exists this axiomatic thought that “It is impossible to masturbate without watching porn” that one can use as an excuse in order to remain within pre-programmed patterns / behaviors that keep us enslaved within the belief that we are making a choice when actually one is obediently following what the mass does = mass-turbating through watching porn.
I remember that I discovered masturbation at a very young age and I never required watching porn to do it because I had no idea that porn existed, so to me it was pure and innocent self-expression. Actually, porn was introduced to me by my friends some years later while I was in high school. It probably happened in the same way within your life.
So – what happened…

Envy (Day 107)

Recently I have been experiencing some resistance towards writing. I sit in front of the computer and I start thinking and thinking but I end up doing nothing. I then get to the conclusion that I have nothing to write about.
The truth is that there are some points that I can open up, but I avoid them, because I fear being judged if I write about them. The first one is Envy and the second one is Masturbation. So – now that I have written those words and I see them in front of me I feel some movements coming from my chest area.
I realize that the word Envy is a concept that I wouldn’t like it to be placed within myself, because it contains a negative charge and no one wants something negative within their lives lol. But, if that word didn’t exist within myself, I wouldn’t react to it physically. If it resonates within myself, it’s an indicator for me to be aware of and to address in self-honesty.
So – now that I am already writing lol, I am going to open up some dimensions within who I a…

The Substitute Teacher (Day 106)

Last week I worked as a substitute teacher after being unemployed since last December, so here I am going to share some realizations within this experience.
Well, last month I had to go to that school as well, because the head teacher of English was sick, so this time, I already had some notion about the school, students and how things more or less worked there.
This time the head teacher was not sick. She had to go with her class to do some charity activities, because it is part of the school projects in relation to the values they want to teach within their students as a catholic school.
The first time I met the head teacher I noticed myself being a bit nervous, because not teaching for about 8 months made me feel powerless and insecure. Although after I finished that day, I met the head teacher again and I noticed that after teaching I felt empowered. I told her the activities I worked with the classes in this very excited expression that one experiences after “performing”, meaning be…

Part V: Stop Smoking (Day 105)

Yesterday I had a dream where I saw myself playing with my band and while playing we were doing some cool changes to a song that made it sound much better. We were all having fun and smiling while playing this new version.
After practicing the new version, the desire to smoke a cigarette was triggered because I wanted a positive reward for what we had accomplished.
I told my friends “Guys, I am dying for a cigarette” and they said “If you want to do it, do it” and then I went “Naa, we are practicing. Plus, smoking is not cool for my voice”.
Within myprevious post, I mentioned that in the past I used to smoke after finishing a task - among many other reasons - as a positive reward, as something I “deserved”. So, within my dream the same pattern was triggered, but I stopped it.
The desire felt so real that now I am thinking that smoking for 13- 14 years made the desire as a pattern be integrated beyond my conscious mind layer. It was even integrated within my subconscious and unconscious mi…

Part IV: Stop Smoking (Day 104)

Here I am continuing with my process of stopping smoking cigarettes. Below you can have a look at my previous posts in order to gain further context:
Part I: Stop Smoking ( Day 84)
Part II: Stop Smoking (Day 86) Part III: Stop Smoking (Day 89)
I have mentioned that within this process I started experiencing annoyance when having people smoking next to me, basically because my sense of smell has enhanced. So, when I smell the smoke I go “Oh no!” and it even made me sneeze. It’s cool to realize how non-smokers must have felt when I was the one smoking next to them; a very invasive action that you experience whether actively when you are a smoker or passively when you are a non-smoker next to smokers.
I now don’t even like having my clothes smelling like cigarettes or having my eyes red due to hanging out with smokers, which in the past was something I didn’t care because I was so used to the smell of cigarettes that it became part of me.
You may think that I am in a permanent rejection to ci…