Ir al contenido principal

Part V: Stop Smoking (Day 105)

Yesterday I had a dream where I saw myself playing with my band and while playing we were doing some cool changes to a song that made it sound much better. We were all having fun and smiling while playing this new version.

After practicing the new version, the desire to smoke a cigarette was triggered because I wanted a positive reward for what we had accomplished.

I told my friends “Guys, I am dying for a cigarette” and they said “If you want to do it, do it” and then I went “Naa, we are practicing. Plus, smoking is not cool for my voice”.

Within my previous post, I mentioned that in the past I used to smoke after finishing a task - among many other reasons - as a positive reward, as something I “deserved”. So, within my dream the same pattern was triggered, but I stopped it.

The desire felt so real that now I am thinking that smoking for 13- 14 years made the desire as a pattern be integrated beyond my conscious mind layer. It was even integrated within my subconscious and unconscious mind. So, it is cool to realize that I am also managing the desire to smoke within deeper layers of the mind consciousness system.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have triggered the desire to smoke within a dream where I felt I had done a good job thus, I apparently “deserved” my positive reward through smoking a cigarette as well as I used to do in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to integrate the desire to smoke as a pattern within my subconscious and unconscious mind layer due to all the years I was a smoker.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the desire to smoke a cigarette within a dream wherein I also verbally expressed that I was dying for a cigarette while trying to find the approval of my band mates in order to do it and avoid feeling guilty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief / idea that after experiencing a positive feeling after doing a good job whether within the music field or any other field in my life, I “deserve” something separate from me like a cigarette, without realizing that stopping smoking is the best reward I can get, but as I do not get a “positive feeling” through doing it, I do not see / consider it as a gift.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that everything that is the best for me should bring a positive feeling, without realizing that that is part of my pre-programming due to believing for many years that I was my mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the best for me is not attached to energy, because energy is created within the mind consciousness system, but I am not that, therefore, during this process of giving myself life as the physical I have to learn to see beyond my mind pre-programmed perceptions / interpretations / beliefs / ideas / conceptions in order to feel through the touch / physicality the reality, but not through the mind as feelings and emotions that are energy-based.

Self-Corrective / Commitment Statements

When and as I see myself expecting to receive a positive reward after finishing a task and / or doing a good job, I stop and breathe. I realize that there are many things I am already experiencing that are gifts in my life, for instance living the decision to stopping smoking cigarettes in every moment, because it is the best for my lungs / throat / teeth / voice, but as I have conditioned myself to always get a positive feeling after finishing a task and / or doing a good job through my perception, this perception requires to be deconstructed  in order to unlearn that apparently the best for me must be energy-based and re-learn not to trust the mind system as a dependable cross-referential “entity” that tells me whether what I am experiencing is real or not.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I see myself expecting a positive reward after finishing a task and / or doing a good jobs in order to bring myself back here and realize that I already gifted myself through doing the task, being here, breathing and moving within / as the physical and that I do not actually require something separate from me like a cigarette to validate / legitimate what I did, because that's only part of the pre-programmed "ritual" I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat as a pattern / bucle for many years which is not necessary to continue perpetuating today.


Entradas populares de este blog

Getting Angry with Students (Day 30)

Within my job as a teacher I can remember a few moments in which I took things personal, but they happened during my first year. Now, I am on my third year as a teacher and it's hard for me to get angry with students, because I prefer to address the issue through communication and agreements.
Today, I got angry with a student and I didn't even realize it until another student that was next to me said "teacher, don't get angry".
The scenario went as it follows:
Students were presenting oral reports. Before they start, I take the time to tell the class that they have to be quiet while their classmates are performing, because I have to assess them and if there's too much noise, I can't hear very well.
It was hard to me to keep them completely quiet today - teachers know that not all lessons with the same class work the same due to different factors -. So, I had to constantly stop and say "guys, be quiet. Your classmates are performing". That happened d…

When You See Only What You Want To See (Day 162)

Someone made an observation about me after communicating with them a couple of times. They noticed that I tend to see only what I want to see; meaning, that I understand things in the wrong way.

At first I was within myself like “But, how can that be possible if I try to be objective when I observe or listen to the information being shared?”, until today while watching a video and then, when giving it a second watch, I realized that “Hey, the first time I watched the video I understood something completely different to what I am understanding now”.
So, I asked myself “Why did that happen?” and in self-honesty I can say that I was not fully aware of what I was doing. I was watching the video, but at the same time having a chat and also concerned about a problem I had. 
It’s like for moments I am paying attention, but then I go into my mind. Then, I get back to my body/awareness and I listen to the information and ‘understand what I want to understand’ or what it’s related to what I was t…

Mr. Nice [Day 174]

I read a conversation between two people where they were talking about me. Person A was sharing a ‘problem’ that had had with me, while Person B was judged by me as Mr. Nice, because they were not supporting Person A, but adding more to the problem. What I mean by ‘adding more’ = no practical support, but continue talking about the same thing, without a solution, but only supporting Person A’s words without questioning them.

What I didn’t like was that for instance Person A was saying stuff like “He said/did this and that, fuck him”, while Person B went “Yes, that’s too bad,he is wrong, I understand what you are going through. Fuck him”, without even knowing me in person, without even talking to me once at least. So, I went within myself “This person thinks they know me? Plus, Person A’s arguments were an interpretation of the events, so Person B was basically reacting to Person A’s reaction. That’s why I say it was not supportive, but reactive.
Why did I judge Person B as ‘Mr. Nice’? …