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Part II: I Want My Honor Back! (Day 114)


Yesterday morning something happened. I checked my email when I woke up and there was a notification saying that the guy I mentioned in my Previous Post had paid half of the money we agreed as refund. My backchats were “Is this a coincidence? Did he read my blog or what?” lol.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry when thinking /remembering that someone hadn’t paid me within the deadline we both agreed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with thoughts/backchats based on moral judgments towards someone that apparently did something bad to me through not paying me, such as his religion, career and personal life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine this guy failing within his marriage because I labeled him as a not responsible/professional being when he didn’t reply to my messages.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use revenge/anger/frustration to create scenarios within my mind as imagination in order to punish this guy because through not paying me and ignoring my messages I thought, believed and perceived that I was losing my honor, so I placed myself in a powerful/superior position where I saw myself treating this guy badly as though that was going to give me my honor back or make me feel better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that a person who is a Christian is a good and reliable human being, without seeing, realizing and understanding that religions are only about beliefs that exist within the mind system, but that does not necessarily mean that they live their words in self-honesty in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I cannot lose my honor or be inferior when having someone that is not doing what we both agreed, because if I think that I have lost something, such as honor, respect, etc, that means that I am not living those words as myself, because if I lived those words it would be impossible for me to lose them, because they would be part of my unconditional self-expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with thoughts, backchats and imagination based on how other people have reacted to me in the past where they have morally judged me with statements such as  “You are a teacher, you must not do this. Fortunately you are not a doctor; otherwise you would kill your patients. Fortunately you are not a lawyer; otherwise you would send innocent people to jail”, without realizing that your profession, lifestyle, career, religion, etc has nothing to do with who you really are, because such labels are only categories based on polarity that exist within and as the mind and are used to control human beings’ minds and bodies and then, as a consequence we have people judging each other  and creating friction instead of seeing each other as equals in order to first change ourselves instead of just victimizing , blaming and/or gossiping, without realizing that labels do not allow us to see human beings as who they really are because it has become part of our programming which inhibits us to understand for instance the difference between Thinking v/s Looking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and understand that most angry reactions human beings experience belong to what the media shows/news on TV where people feel frustrated and tired because one is constantly suppressing emotions/fears/frustrations, so when a certain event/issue/problem/situation takes place in our lives, is where one thinks, believes and perceives that we have “the right” to get our honor/respect back through using violence within and as our words or actions, as though that was going to solve our problems/fears/frustrations, without realizing that actually when we act based on energy we are in fact perpetuating our problems/enslavement/blindness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to take revenge on people that has not done what we both agreed within a specific deadline, without realizing that in doing so, I would be copying what has been done onto me in the past and also what the news show as the collective misunderstood comprehension/example of how we can change the world into a better place for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that through an angry reaction towards someone, I am actually acting based on self-interest, trying to get what I want – revenge or punishment for instance - without seeing and realizing that Interpersonal Problems are a gift where I can learn something new about myself and others in order to support myself and others within the process of developing my utmost potential in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not really see what are the triggers behind my angry reactions and just project the anger towards someone else through my imagination/thoughts without realizing and understanding that one can solve the problems without necessarily becoming angry and that actually, when one is calmed down/stable, it is way easier to be focused on the main points and thus, address the problems effectively and constructively, because angry/violent reactions lead into friction/arguments and people easily tend to take things personally instead of seeing each one’s responsibility in self-honesty.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself becoming angry because someone is not doing what we both agreed within a specific deadline, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that I am not going to solve anything through getting angry and instead of continue participating in my mind, I can apply self-forgiveness aloud if I do not have my laptop next to me for instance and in doing so, I can release myself from those reactions/patterns instead of suppressing them, because when one suppresses and suppresses the outcome of that might be compromising.

I commit myself to stop, breathe and apply self-forgiveness aloud when and as I see myself becoming angry because someone is not doing what they agreed to do within a specific deadline, so as to be able to be stable here and direct the problem into a constructive solution that is the best for all.

When and as I see myself reacting with moral judgments towards other human beings based on their profession, career, religion, lifestyle, etc, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that if I “see” people based on what I believe who they are because of the behaviors I have connected with their profession/religion/career/lifestyle as of my own experiences from past events and what I have observed on the media, such as movies, I will not be able to see a human being as who they really are, as equal to me.

I commit myself to stop approaching human beings based on labels such as teacher, doctor, lawyer, etc, in order to see individuals as equals and not based on labels that are socially constructed that in any way whatsoever determine who you are as LIFE, because jobs/careers are ONLY a small part of what you do in this world in order to survive and have money, but it is not EVERYTHING and ALL you are.

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that my honor/respect is being taking away from someone else, I stop and breathe. I realize that I cannot lose what I am, because what I am it is physical and I am always here as the physical, as breath, as unconditional self-expression.

I commit myself to live the words honor and respect as self-expression through not allowing myself to become angry when someone has apparently done something bad to me through breathing and applying self-forgiveness in such moments so as to see my own responsibility instead of just taking the easy way of victimization and blaming.

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