Today I decided to help my mom with cooking, because she has been a bit sick. She caught a cold. So I asked her ‘what are you planning to cook today?’ and she said spaghetti. I love cooking and eating spaghetti, so I immediatelly started setting up everything.
What I have noticed is that my mom – and probably most moms – is always next to me telling me what to do and how to do it. So, I had the onions and the pepper on the frying pan and she went ‘what about carrots?’. And I said ‘well, is it really necessary to add carrots? Because I only use onion, pepper and meat to create the bolognese sauce’. She then said, 'Have you ever cooked for 4 people?’ and I said ‘I have cooked for myself but when I cook spaghetti, the portion I eat is the size of a 4 people portion, so it’s kind of the same’.
Well, she rapidly had the carrot grated and started adding it to the frying pan while at the same time saying that I had to add the harder-to-get-cooked vegetables first. I said ‘mom but this is too much grated carrot’ and she went ‘ahhh but these are supposed to be spaghetti and sauce’ so I said ‘yeah, you have just said it; sauce...not carrots’ lol, kind of saying that what I was cooking was out of her understanding of spaghetti and sauce.
Then I asked her ‘Do you think that the only spaghetti that exists in the world is the one you cook? Please, allow me to fail and if teastes bad, I won’t cook for the family anymore’. She said ‘It’s just that I am used to cooking spaghetti this way’, so I said ‘I know, but I am not telling you this because I want to make you upset or something like that. I am showing you other possibilities’.
Well, we finally got the spaghetti and sauce ready. The outcome was a fusion between my mom’s style and my new recipe. We all ate it and it was good. Of course there are always some upgrades you can apply for the next time, but to be the first time cooking with my mom, it was great. BUT, here is what I would like to share. The way we approached the opportunity to cook together happened within a bit of friction, because both of us wanted to ‘help’ in our own way. We both had this positive idea in our minds of doing something ‘good’ that we kind of saw each other interfering instead of contributing. My mom has cooked for many years and she perfectly knows how to cook. Me...I believed myself to be the expert at cooking spaghetti lol.
So – I didn’t want my mom to influence too much my spaghetti with her style, whereas she wanted to have a good meal for everyone in the house and also probably fearing that I was going to mess it up. Of course this never became an argument or something like that, but as I said before; there was a bit of friction between both of us. Like this energetic reaction of ‘I know more than you in terms of pasta’ lol, especially because I was applying a new recipe that I love.
So, I bet we both looked more worried than having fun while cooking. And this happened because I wanted everyone to try my new recipe and then to see everyone telling me how good it tasted, while my mom wanted to ‘teach me’ how to cook the spaghetti correctly based on her empirical approach in order to have a good meal served for everyone as well.
It is interesting how two people coming with ‘good intentions’ can create friction between both of them, because both are too closed within their minds that are not opened to share and create something together. The only thing both see is their positivity instead of using that ‘good intention’ as self-awareness to really work in a cooperative approach through seeing each other, instead of only holding onto an idea/expectation within the mind consciousness system.
I am glad that I have become aware of this point, especially with my mom. And I can also apply this realization not only at cooking, but in any field where I am expressing myself whether cooking or working or making music, etc.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only be focused on my good intention instead of seeing how another person wants to also make a contribution.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how another person is making a contribution, because I am so focused on the positive energy within my mind that I become blind without being able to see reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I know more than other beings, without realizing that that energetic experience does not allow me in any way to consider other people’s contribution, because I am more focused on proving that I can do it right, instead of opening myself to work in a cooperative approach.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep a positive expectation while cooking, without realizing that the very expectation is limiting from approaching reality in a different way, because everything that goes out of my expectation will be considered/judged/labeled by me as ‘negative’ and thus, I will reject it instead of embracing it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have everyone in my house telling how good my spaghetti tastes, without realizing that the reason why I was cooking was to help my mom, not to get my ego boosted, and instead of fully help my mom, I contributed to create friction between us both because I was blinded by my ‘so good intention’ that I forgot what my starting point was.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I want to help I have to also be opened to be helped while helping, and thus, the purpose of helping becomes an equal point of support among the participants.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect to get credit and recognition when I help instead of living it as an unconditional expression of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the only recognition I have to apply is towards myself by seeing in self-honesty what I am capable of doing in order to continue pushing myself towards the development of my utmost potential and live it unconditionally without expecting something in return.
I will continue...