lunes, 26 de diciembre de 2016

Energy-Based Relationships (Day 158)


Today I woke up with this feeling of loss, like I ‘had’ something that I was somehow losing. I realized that it’s energy. It’s the positive energy that I have been unconsciously creating within myself by spending time with X.

The way this came up was as fear; fear of losing, but more specifically, fear of not being ‘loved’ or that everything that X could possibly develop as energy towards myself was decaying. So, in the back of my mind, there was this idea that in order for me to be 'loved'/'liked', I required some energy.

I have realized that this emotional shifts happen when I believe in my thoughts when I am alone or when I judge what X shares with me. These shifts happen very fast and I realize that I activate the pattern but I become aware of it once already being in the emotional reaction.

When this happens, I tend to go “This is not gonna work. They are not feeling the same. They are faking it. This is only a game”, when actually the one that is participating in a game it's me, because I am the one who is giving all my power away to the mind for it to determine who I am and how I am.

Another dimension that I have observed is the one related to comparing words/commitments v/s Actions; specifically honoring words, because I think and believe that decisions will be influenced by the way one feel and as I wouldn’t like that to happen, I go into fear and then, kind of accepting that “Ok, this is happening. It’s ending”, as though it really something 'bad' happened, when actually it’s only an experience that only existing in a quantum dimension, but influencing who I am and how I am in the physical.

I want to make sure that energy is not interfering in the way I express myself. I don’t want energy to influence my decisions. I don’t want to participate in a volatile love experience that goes into ups and downs depending on how I feel. I want my words, decisions and commitments to be the foundation of my expression regardless the way I feel. I want to become the directive principle and not accept and allow my mind to tell me who I am and how I am.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought “A bit of positive energy is not too bad, because relationships require that in order to become more intimate/closer”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I depend on energy in order to create something, the foundation of the relationship is unstable, because energy can’t last forever; it moves up and down without a real direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have lost something when the energy is not there, without realizing that I have not lost anything, I am still here and there’s no way I can lose myself as my physical body -  and that it’s my mind the one that requires energy, that’s why thoughts and experiences emerge in order to keep my mind busy, moving myself from positive to negative, like a ping pong game. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to understand that decisions must not be made when participating in ups or downs of energy, because in that experience, everything seems so good or so bad, that we forget the practicality of what we are agreeing to do, plus if decisions are made upon energy, the only way I am going to honor my word will be when I feel that same energy, therefore, if he same energy is not there, one can utilize that fact as an excuse in order to not honor the words and end up in self-manipulation and inconsequence. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions dictate how I must behave, without realizing that I have the power to embrace my mind, understand these mechanisms and thus, stop my participation in the cycles that keep me unchanged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have trusted energy for so many years in order to create relationships, without realizing that that was the very cause that created my previous relationships to end, because “If I don’t feel the same, then we must break up”, without realizing that “Not feeling the same” is the mind/ego speaking, it’s not me as the being and all the potential I can develop in order to effectively address the problems that emerge in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to be able to ignite a sort of positive energy in other people so they can decide to be with me, without realizing that in wanting that, I am unwittingly wanting to create relationships of ego where there’s a lack of real substance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved by energy when experiencing ups and downs, without understanding that I am accepting and allowing that shit to control me, instead of breathing in and breathing out, drop the energy and move on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I participate in ups and downs of energy, I am creating my own trap where my real and genuine self-expression is suppressed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become distant and isolated when there’s no positive energy, because I end up crossed in my expression, trapped in my mind by participating in imagination and what ifs that I literally become like a zombie with no clear direction, but only seeking for positive energy in the things I do to kind of suppress that mind state by trying to forget about it as though that was the real solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to ‘miss someone’ in order to really ’love’ them, because I think and believe that if I do not miss them, then I am not really in love or that I am not really interested, without realizing that in doing so, I am only dosing energy, I am playing with energy so as to have it exactly when and where I want it, when actually if I want to be with someone that has to be a DECISION where there’s no room for the mind and its energetic ups and downs to influence my expression and my decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become obsessed with wanting things to work out, without realizing that in doing so, I am forcing it, without letting it unfold naturally and spontaneously. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have control so I can make sure everything works fine, without seeing, realizing and understanding that the only real control is self-control, where I do not accept and allow my mind system to influence my expression and decisions. 

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself thinking “A bit of positive energy is not too bad, because relationships require that in order to become more intimate/closer”, I stop and breathe. I realize that feelings and emotions will be there, but the key is to understand how and why they are being created in the first place, so I can stop them. I also realize that what relationships require in order to be effective is communication. First, starting off with a self-honest communication with self and then, the communication among all the participants involved.

I commit myself to stop thinking and believing that relationships require positive energy in order to become real.

I commit myself to place the focus on communication when I am creating relationships with other individuals

When and as I see myself thinking, believing and perceiving that I have lost something because I don’t feel the positive energy as I used to, I stop and breathe. I realize that there’s no way I can lose what is real; me as the human physical body - and that the only one that is losing is ego, because ego depends on energy to be able to exist.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I think, believe and perceive that I am losing something.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am here as the physical and that I still have the power to create my own creation as the creator that I am.

When and as I see myself making decisions based on energy, I stop and breathe. I realize that if such decisions are made from energy, then the only way I am going to honor my word, will be only IF I feel the same, therefore, what I need when making decisions is being grounded, stable here, no participation in my mind, so I can make a real decision based on Who I am as the physical in common sense. 

I commit myself to stop and breathe when wanting to make a decision based on energy.

I commit myself to ground myself here when I am going to make a decision.

I commit myself to make decisions based on common sense.

When and as I see myself trusting in energy to determine whether my relationships are real or not, I stop and breathe. I realize that energy is not unconditional, because it only lasts so long, therefore, if I want to create relationships that are real and that can go through time, I have to stop my participation in the mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions and be able to see reality for what it is without the eyes of the mind interfering. 

I commit myself to stop trusting energy to tell me whether my relationships are real or not.

I commit myself to trust my ability to explore myself in self-honesty as the tools of self-writing and self-forgiveness to see my inner reality for what it is.

When and as I see myself becoming distant and isolated when I do not feel the same positive energy I was used to, I stop and breathe. I realize that in that very moment I am making my expression dependent on energy. Therefore, I am not actually living, but only following a programming.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I perceive that there’s no energy so as to bring myself back here and remind myself that I am still here breathing and that I have myself as my best partner/support.

I commit myself to sound self-forgiveness when participating in the experience of loss when not feeling the same positive energy that I was feeling before.

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that I must ‘miss’ someone in order to really get to love them, I stop and breathe. I realize that in doing so, I am only participating in a belief, because missing someone should not be a reason to decide to be with someone or not, because what it really matters is the decision, regardless the energy you experience. Plus, when you miss someone is because that thing you miss from the other person, it’s something that you are not living for yourself as One - and you are only achieving it through the other person, which means one thing; separation.

I commit myself to stop believing that I must miss someone in order to decide whether I like/love them or not.

I commit myself to explore the word ‘miss’ and the word ‘love’ in posts to come. 

When and as I see myself wanting control in the things I do in order to have the best possible outcome, I stop and breathe. I realize that the same desire for control is creating an obsession that in any way is supportive, because everything ends up in forcing what I have in my mind towards reality instead of embracing every moment as it comes.

I commit myself to stop wanting to have control to make things work the best possible.

I commit myself to embrace every moment as it comes.


I commit myself to be the directive principle in every moment.

jueves, 22 de diciembre de 2016

Who am I within ‘Problems’? (Day 157)


I was listening to some individual and the following question came up “Do you want to be in a relationship despite having to face problems that will emerge and that will make you feel unstable?”.

When I was listening to that I noticed that many people tend to have a pre-fabricated idea/opinion/perception of what ‘problems’ entail. This is from an emotional approach of course. As though talking face to face was already a ‘problem’ per se. Therefore, what I see is that it is very easy to be conditioned to approach situations in an emotional state before really walking through it.

The way I see ‘problems’; meaning, when you sit in front of one another and talk about something that came up within yourself or something that you observed that can be aligned towards what’s best for all - I see them as doors/opportunities to transcend specific patterns that are ingrained within ourselves that influence the way we create relationships, especially the relationship we have built with ourselves.

Plus, there is also this idea that everything must be ‘positive’ in relationships, so when you perceive that something ‘negative’ has taken place, such as a ‘problem’ = a moment you have to share your perspective - you end up trapped in polarity, ups and downs, which will affect the way you express yourself in your external world, because your decisions are dependent on how you feel, instead of already having a clear starting point in relation to Who You Are within ‘problems’. But, as you have conditioned yourself to perceive opportunities to communicate as ‘negative’, thoughts in relation to wanting to give up appear where you, instead of facing it, you want to run away, without realizing that that which you refuse to see beyond, will come back to you for you to transcend that point. So, the sooner you transcend that which you resist, the more efficient and effective your process will be.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘problems’ are negative/bad and that I must avoid them in order to be happy and emotionally stable.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it’s impossible to be emotionally stable within communication when facing ‘problems’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the way I am approaching problems in a negative way it’s because of past relationships where after having ‘problems’ the relationship went into breakups, then come back together again and so on - ending in a loop/bucle that never lead into a solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the past influence my current expression in the present moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when my starting point in facing problems is not clear, the mind will decide for me what I think, how I feel and how I experience myself, instad of me being the one who stands up with a clear stance of addressing problems as Gifts and Opportunities to align ourselves towards that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up when facing problems because as I see them as bad/negative, I think and believe that the only solution to be emotionally stable again is through walking away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that problems will always happen and as long as I know who I am in facing problems, I will be able to have a clear stance and thus, see the opportunities to be aligned with that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the way I feel when facing problems is my responsibility and that if I become unstable within it, it has nothing to do with the other person or the problem per se, but the way I accept and allow myself to react.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that in order to avoid problems and becoming emotionally unstable, I must be alone, without realizing that I can also transcend those patterns by walking with another person in real time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have existed in this limiting approach towards problems throughout all this time, without realizing that I can direct and change the relationship that I have towards my thoughts, feelings and emotions in order to not accept and allow myself to be governed by the mind system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not govern myself and instead, subconsciously/unconsciously let my mind decide for me the way I am going to experience myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the statement “I don’t want to have problems” as an excuse in order to walk away and avoid having to talk face to face with someone so as to share our perspectives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when using the excuse “I don’t want to have problems, therefore I should be alone by myself”, I am limiting myself to change my approach in facing problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am going to lose something/someone when facing problems. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get confused within problems, because the emotional reaction leads me into ups and downs where I doubt, feel insecure, without realizing that I am experiencing myself as such, because I am not giving myself direction and a clear stance regardless the problem/situation.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the way my body language changes when I am participating in an emotional reaction within facing problems, because I become distant, my body becomes rigid and my arms become crossed, which means that I am closed and hermetic instead of opening up myself.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself approaching problems from an emotional reaction, which leads into feeling overwhelmed like about collapsing, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am creating that reaction within myself, without understanding that the way I am feeling it’s because of the thoughts that my mind showed me, then I believed them, and finally I ended up experiencing myself from an emotional reaction. 

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I am starting to become overwhelmed when facing problems in order to release the energy that has been building up.

I commit myself to stop believing in my thoughts and backchats that dictate the way I feel within communication.

When and as I see myself defining problems as something bad or negative, I stop and breathe. I realize that by defining problems as something bad/negative, I am pre-conditioning my own experience within communication, which will lead into emotional reactions.

I commit myself to stop seeing problems as something bad/negative.

I commit myself to approach problems as opportunities to change myself and thus, become the best version of me.

When and as I see myself wanting to give up because I think that I must be alone in order to avoid having problems and feeling bad, I stop and breathe. I realize that problems will always happen, in all contexts, therefore, the decision doesn’t necessarily have to be in relation to give up, but instead breathing through the problem, walking and pushing through it in order to change the resistance into openness. 

I commit myself to stop thinking and believing that I must be alone in order to avoid having problems or feeling bad.

I commit myself to investigate in self-honesty why it is that I feel bad when facing problems.

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that I am going to lose something/someone when having problems, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that once problems are addressed through effective communication where there are no thoughts, feelings and emotions interfering, there’s nothing to lose, because what you gain is a new perspective that supports you to see reality with more clarity and thus, learn something new from yourself and others.

I commit myself to stop thinking and believing that I am going to lose something/someone when having problems.

I commit myself to be open to learn something new from myself and others when facing problems. 

I commit myself to make it a principle to be open to see, listen and learn when facing problems in all contexts. 

When and as I see myself feeling insecure within communication when facing problems, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am FEELING insecure, therefore, it’s only something that came up within my mind, it’s only a thought that I believed that activated a whole pattern, which means that I am unconsciously deciding to feel insecure instead of giving myself direction so as to find solutions.

I commit myself to approach problems in a way that I can contribute with solutions that are best for all.

When and as I see myself becoming crossed, closed and hermetic when reacting emotionally within communication when facing problems, I stop and breathe. I realize that I can change my expression in that moment; I can take a deep in breath and then an our breath, in order to ground myself here in the physical, open myself to become intimate with myself and thus, be able to interact with others once I am clear within myself.

I commit myself to become aware of my body language when I am participating in emotional reactions when facing problems within communication.


I commit myself to support myself through changing my body posture into a more opened one when I am crossed due to participating in emotional reactions when facing problems. 

viernes, 16 de diciembre de 2016

Part II: Fears & Insecurities (Day 156)


Here I am continuing with my previous post...

Self-Corrective Statements.

When and as I see myself expecting the worst to happen in relation to being lied/cheated, I stop and breathe. I realize that in participating in such fears, I only limit myself to really get to know someone, because all I am seeing is the projection from the past into my present moment.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I see myself participating in the fear of being lied/cheated as I was in the past.

I commit myself to embrace the fear in order to understand it once manifested, so I can stop it.

I commit myself to sound self-forgiveness when/if I catch myself participating in fearing the worst.

When and as I see myself trying to trust another person, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am participating in fear and separation. Fear because I fear to give a step forward if I don’t feel that I can trust another person and separation when looking for trust out of myself instead of realizing that trust must exist within myself as an unconditional expression of myself regardless who I am with.

I commit myself to place the focus on myself so as to not lose track when it comes to my expression.

I commit myself to stop looking for trust outside of myself.

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that X’s eyes are lying, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am participating in an old pattern that was created within one of my previous relationships and that this new person has nothing to do with that, because I don’t fully know them, therefore, I can’t be assuming that I am accurate in my assumptions and that I somehow know that they are in fact lying to me.

I commit myself to stop thinking and believing that I can know when people are lying to me by looking into their eyes.

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that X is only telling a small part of the whole story and then I react with backchats that are based on past experiences, I stop and breathe. I realize that if I am going to always believe that they are lying and hiding the truth, I will go into a quantum spiraling and get lost.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, ground myself and read/listen to the words being shared without judging and if I see myself judging, I commit myself to sound self-forgiveness, release the energy and then, speak/write.

When and as I see myself judging people as though they are moved by energy and that they do not do what they said they would do, I stop and breathe. I realize that I sometimes tend to do the same, therefore, the judgment is only showing me that I have to investigate that point within myself and instead of pointing fingers on others, I have to take responsibility, change the pattern and thus, become a living example. 

I commit myself to stop pointing fingers on others through judging their actions.

I commit myself to first address what I judge in others within myself instead of pointing fingers.

When and as I see myself feeling inferior because I think and believe that other people think that I am weak because of walking a process in relation to exposing my mind consciousness system; thoughts, feelings and emotions, I stop and breathe. I realize that exposing my mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions is an act of courage that functions as self-support in order to step by step deprogram myself and slowly but surely stop the fuck up that we have collectively created through for instance trying to suppress and cover ourselves with masks to control how other people see us, instead of working with our minds and stopping the shit in order to bring about a real change that starts with self.

I commit myself to stop fearing what other people might think of me when I write my blogs.

I commit myself to stop thinking that walking process makes me weird or weak.

I commit myself to continue supporting myself through self-writing on my blog. 

When and as I see myself going into imagination where I see X doing stuff that may compromise the relationship, I stop and breathe. I realize that when I go into imagination I am lost, because I am giving all my power away to the mind system to decide for me, instead of me being the one who stands up and say “No, I won’t accept these imaginations to control me, because this is in any way real. It’s only programming. This is not living”. 

I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I see myself going into imagination in relation to what X might possibly do or don’t do with regards to compromising the relationship.

I commit myself to tell myself “Stop, I won’t accept these imaginations/thoughts to influence me” and then stop, breathe, and sound self-forgiveness with regards to the imaginations I was participating in.

When and as I see myself getting lost in this nebula of insecurities and fears, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am losing touch with myself due to placing all my attention and focus on the mind.

I commit myself to bring myself back here through breathing when going into the nebula of insecurities and fears, through doing something in the physical; such as, playing the guitar, writing, going out for a walk, etc. - and thus, avoid going into the mind, getting lost and losing touch with myself. 

When and as I se myself using sarcasm or irony so as to make someone understand my point of view, I stop and breathe. I realize that sarcasm and irony can be effective techniques or methods to present an idea or an example, but I can’t trust it blindly and absolutely, especially if my starting point is energy-based.

I commit myself to assess myself first before saying or writing something down.

I commit myself to support myself through breathing when I just want to rant and rave towards someone.

jueves, 15 de diciembre de 2016

Fears & Insecurities (Day 155)


I was having a conversation with X, who is someone that I am getting to know with whom I have talked about creating something together; aka agreement/relationship. The point is that I have noticed some insecurities going on within myself in relation to this individual, which have lately been creating conflict.

Basically what I am noticing is the past interfering in my present. This is all related to being lied and cheated which is something that happened within one of my previous relationships where I decided to trust someone, but my expectations were not aligned with reality, because that person from the past didn’t honor their words with regards to our commitment and then, I went into disappointment, frustration, anger, grudge, etc. - emotional mind states that somehow were asleep in me and rarely addressed which are now being projected towards this new person. 

After being single for 4 years now I learned how to enjoy my own presence, the silence and how to feel comfortable with myself. Let’s say that I was gaining my trust again. But, as I haven’t worked on those past patterns effectively, plus I was not in a relationship, I just had those points in stand by mode, like “I will investigate this sometime in the future”. And as those patterns were not happening, at least consciously, they seemed they were gone.

So, this person shared an interesting perspective which was “You are kind of expecting me to fuck it up”, which is something that defines pretty well the way I feel. Like I feel that I am sure about that they have a deceptive nature within themselves and that in any moment they will do something that somehow will compromise the agreement = fear. 

I was also told that I must trust myself more, leave those insecurities aside, live more, which is something that I completely agree with, but as it has become kind of natural to talk about what’s going on within my mind with people I feel comfortable with, they sometimes think that I am holding onto it and this creates conflict, when actually what I am aiming is the release of such patterns. For instance, with this person I have tried opening up points in real time as they emerge and it goes pretty well, but today I went into an emotional reaction through a written chat and even I know things must be spoken in person, I ended up having a sort or argument which brought doubt and insecurity within both of us - that’s at least how I saw it through the words and voice messages.

So, I have opened up myself and what they see is fear, acting in a defensive way, distrust and doubt. Let me share an example here. Some days ago we were in a place with more people. This person said, “I won’t drink beer because I have a stomachache”. Then, after 5 minutes, this person was offered a glass of beer and they accepted it. That created distrust and insecurity within myself, because I went “This person is not doing what they said. Should I trust them? If they say that they agree on being faithful and loyal within this agreement, is this person going to honor their words if in a very simple act of not drinking beer they were not able to keep and live their word unconditionally?”.

I have been told that I am exaggerating, but currently that’s the only way I have to see reality for what it is., because I don’t want to ‘trust my feelings’ as I did in the past. Therefore, the only way I have to see whether someone is loving themselves or not is through how they are honoring their words for themselves.

I know that I have done the same in the past and even today I sometimes say things that I do not do. I understand that there is flexibility within our decisions, but we must be careful to not end up in self-manipulation through excuses and justifications. Because to me it’s simple; if I say that I won’t drink and I am offered a glass of beer, I can say “Thanks, but I prefer a glass of water, please”, but I understand that we are all in different locations within process and that I cannot impose what I have walked within myself onto others in an attempt to ‘help’ them. The only way I have to do that is through my own example; meaning, if I don’t like it when others say something and do the complete opposite, then I must start with myself first and become a living example. But, as I have been an abstemious for 7 months now, I have become very disciplined with regards to alcohol and honoring my word. The same with cigarettes; being a non-smoker for 1 year and a half now.

So, that’s the nature of these insecurities. I know that I can honor my word when I really want to achieve something and it’s part of my goals, but the problem happens when I have to trust that a partner is going to do the same and I am not seeing it in the very simple things. Now - it’s not about THEM, it’s about how I react to it which is an emotional reaction that leads into fear. This fear of “Should I go for it? I don’t want the same lies and secrets from the past”, which at the same time creates the same experience within the other person, because even though they said they are sure about being with me, if I am talking about my insecurities in a way that is not supportive, they will also go like “Do I really want to be with someone who will suddenly say: you know what, this ends here because I do not trust you?”.

So, here I am. After being single for 4 years now and having the chance to start something with someone new, but fearing that the past will repeat again in this new opportunity to learn about myself. But, I understand that I am not the same person I was in the past, because I now have the tools to face myself, understand the fears and be ready to live without fearing the worst to happen, because if I think that the worst will happen, then I am creating it within my mind and then, I would have the same emotional experience within myself as though it really happened, when actually none of it has taken place, therefore, there’s no need to be worried about.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring the past into my present by thinking and believing that X will lie and cheat on me like someone from the past did, without seeing, realizing and understanding that in doing this, I am limiting myself to be able to really get to know this person without anticipating/fearing the ‘worst’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have remained in stand by mode when it comes to who I am in relationships, because I procrastinated addressing old patterns and now as they are manifesting again, I see the importance of taking responsibility immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into thoughts of “should I trust this person or not?”, “Should I start a relationship with this person or not?”, “Will they honor their word?”, without realizing that such thoughts are disempowering, because if I were standing up as an example of self-trust through knowing who I am in relationships, I would focus more on myself instead of looking for trust in separation of me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have looked for trust outside instead of developing it within myself first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when staring at X’s eyes while we are very close and I am listening to them when we have talked about something that needed to be addressed, go within myself “That look…is this person lying? I bet they are lying to me”, without realizing that that distrust was created in one of my previous relationships where I knew that they were lying to me, but I stayed there only because I wanted to know the truth by leaving myself aside only because of being obsessed with finding out the truth of events and at the same time trying to persuade the other person to continue speaking and telling me more about it, because I always thought that they didn’t share the whole story, but only the parts that were the least compromising for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have activated an old pattern of distrust from past relationships into this new person that I am getting to know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged this person’s voice tonality, words and actions as someone who is moved by energy and that they are not able to keep their word and honoring it through actions, because they victimize self instead of facing the points that emerge in our communication, without first having a look within myself so as to see where in my life I do the same so I can change it and become a living example that can become a support for others when first supporting self and walking a process in relation to such specific points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being with someone in a relationship, because I think that they will cause pain in me, without realizing that the only real pain is physical and any other ‘pain’ that is not physical has its roots within consciousness = Ego - therefore, it’s something that I am accepting and allowing it to exist, because no matter what they do; if self-trust is here with me as an unconditional expression of myself, there’s no way I can ‘lose’ it, because if I lose it, then it was never real, because you can’t lose something that is part of your genuine expression as a being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have feared to be seen as weak by this person when I open up and share my insecurities and fears, because they have said that I over react and make things personal, without seeing, realizing and understanding that opening up and sharing myself is fine, but maybe the way I am sharing it is not aligned with the purpose I want to achieve, therefore, I could find other ways I can improve my communication, because I understand that it’s not common to have a relationship with someone who does not fear talking about fears and insecurities with their partners, writing blogs and basically walking process, which is a process ahead to be walked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that walking process makes me weird and weak to the eyes of other people, especially females, because they sometimes like ‘tough guys’ and me talking about emotions don’t look like a ‘brave man’ to them, without realizing that being able to talk about emotions and feelings without fearing them is an act of courage, because it is easy to pretend that everything is fine and just suppress in order to create a ‘good impression’, but the ones who are standing up are the real ‘men’, because ‘real men’ don’t hide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought “If I don’t look like a real man to them, then they are going to break up with me”, without seeing, realizing and understanding that all I am must be for myself in self-honesty - and in any way try to be someone I am not only because of wanting to fit into other people’s pre-programmed wants and needs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have experienced frustration when seeing that X does not understand my point of view fully, instead of finding ways to express myself better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the old patterns are in relation to how things have been unfolding since the beginning, which is a bit similar to one of my previous relationships, where I judged the other person because of their/our behavior during our first meetings, that’s why similar judgements/fears/insecurities have emerged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gone into imagination where I see X doing things that I wouldn’t like to be done, without realizing that by feeding my mind with imagination and possible scenarios, I am creating the experience of fear and insecurities within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged X as a liar since the first moment we saw each other, as though their intentions were not good because they only wanted to ‘use’ me and that now based on how things have been unfolding, they have decided to be with me because they feel positively charged and don’t want to lose that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that many things that I judge from X are not accurate due to misinterpretation, projection and imagination based on fear and insecurities. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that X is making fun of me in front of their friends because of the way I am and the ‘problems’ I might create when talking about fears and insecurities, without seeing, realizing and understanding that many people can have different opinions about me due to how the information is being delivered, but something completely different is to get to know someone beyond a biased version of events when sharing them from emotional mind states, therefore, there’s nothing I can do about it, but only focus on myself and my process in order to release these worries that limit my expression and divert my attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gotten ‘lost’ in this nebula of insecurities and fears, because as today I was free, what I did the most during this day was only going into emotional experiences instead of focusing on myself and my responsibilities, therefore, I am not doing what I had agreed on doing for myself = participating in the same patterns I judge in X, only because of the way I was experiencing myself as thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used irony when wanting X to understand my perspective, without realizing that irony was perceived negatively by them and that created resistance instead of a mutual understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that irony and sarcasm are to be used to make people understand, without realizing that every time I went into irony with X, I was energetically charged and not stable within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have suppressed something I wanted to share with X a few days ago, but now as it emerged again and it was not directed in the moment, I said it but in an emotional reaction, without first assessing it within myself in order to open up more layers and once having a clear understanding about it, talk about it in a more grounded expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gone into honesty by saying what was on my mind, instead of living self-honesty; meaning, first introspecting and exploring what’s going on within myself and then share it as solutions instead of ‘problems’ or complaints that they have to handle in order to make me feel better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the only way I have to feel good with myself is through others, without realizing that in doing so, I am participating in separation instead of becoming it myself on my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose touch with the silence I developed and enjoyed when being single and now turning it into 'noise'; the one that insecurities and fears create within my mind. 


More to come on my next post… 

martes, 29 de noviembre de 2016

Vulnerable (Day 154)





Within my previous post I mentioned some words that emerged when exploring the dynamics of developing an effective communication. These words were: Vulnerable, Control, and Trust.

So, in this post I am going to start off with exploring the word Vulnerable.

The dictionary defines the word Vulnerable as the following:

1. Exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.

2. (of a person) in need of special care, support, or protection, because of age, disability, or risk of abuse or neglect.

I mentioned that I had approached the word Vulnerable as a synonym of ‘Weak’; meaning, I had charged the word negatively throughout my life, because in seeing someone as being vulnerable I would picture within myself a lotus flower in the water being exposed for anyone to come, grab it and destroy it - and the flower existing in fear in the back of its ‘mind’.

On the one hand; Fear of being destroyed by someone else. And - on the other hand; Hope of being ‘discovered’ by someone that would take care of it in order to support its growth into its utmost potential. Like being in a sort of Russian Roulette game of two options; live or die.

So, in the past, I instead of exposing myself within Fear and Hope = insecurity - I'd rather choose to become hermetic through suppressing my expression, avoiding to place myself in the unknown/uncertain.

Also, there is the influence of the collective dimension in relation to “Being vulnerable in this world is dangerous, because everybody wants to take advantage of you through self-interest”.

But, what I haven’t taken into consideration is the fact that if I support myself in relation to my thoughts, feelings and emotions, as well as releasing energetic charges, and re-define the words that I have accepted in a pre-fabricated format to influence my expression throughout my life, what would be exposed through that vulnerableness as openness, wouldn’t be weakness, but self-trust as the realization that I have the tools to change myself and stop self-abuse so as to walk step by step into self-expansion, especially in the way I express myself in relation to others, which it would become a contribution instead of suppression due to insecurity.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have charged the word Vulnerable negatively, because of the idea and perception that was installed within my mind of “If I want to be strong, I must not be Vulnerable”.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that if there exists fear of being vulnerable it’s because of self-judgement existing within myself, because that self-judgment inhibits me from transcending the points that once corrected, will lead me into the developing of an effective way of expressing myself when it comes to my relationship with myself and others as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think “If I expose myself in front of them, they are going to think I am weird”, without realizing that even the ‘stupid comments’ I make can become support for me and other people once the point opens up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that the people around me will respond to myself in the way I think, which is judgment projection, without realizing that if I don’t try it, there’s no way I can find out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear exposing myself without even first giving it a try.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I can be both; vulnerable and strong; meaning, I can become stronger as who I am through developing openness in relation to myself in the way I explore and change myself in self-honesty according to what plays out in the physical world by first ‘cleaning’ myself within, so as to be able to clean communication without.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being Vulnerable, because I feared being weak in front of others, without seeing, realizing and understanding that the fear was the output of defining myself through an already fabricated definition of the word Vulnerable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that words are like clothes; meaning, when clothes are too big or there is something that makes it uncomfortable, you can re-adapt it in order to make fit according to your body size; fitting in what’s real/physical instead of wearing/using the standardized version only because it’s easier and everyone else does.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in changing the definitions of the words in order to support myself into my utmost potential; I am making an impact in my reality, because words create the world, therefore, if I work on re-adjusting the language I live as words, as every single word I am struggling with, I will be making the message of what’s best for all real; one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that that which I fear exposing about myself through being vulnerable is something that I can be glad of sharing about me once I change who I am within; meaning, if I become self-trust, why would I fear exposing self-trust as an unconditional expression of myself?

Self-Commitment Statements

When and as I see myself fearing being seen as weak by others and judging myself as a Vulnerable person that would rather prefer to suppress self-expression so as to present self as strong instead of going into insecurity = fear and hope - I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that actually suppression is weakness, because in exposing myself to myself - by clearing my mind as the words I have defined myself within - I become strong as self-trust.

I commit myself to stop fear being exposed.

I commit myself to stop thinking and believing that being vulnerable is a synonym of weakness. 

I commit myself to exposing myself to myself through self-writing in order to explore and re-define the words that I have accepted and allowed to determine the way I experience and express myself in this world by accepting the pre-fabricated definition provided by dictionaries, the media, the collective mind, etc.

When and as I see myself fearing to expose myself, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that if I am fearing something it’s because I have to introspect and investigate myself within in order to transform it into potential and thus, in every step within exploring myself, it will become a +1 in the developing of self-trust as who I decide to be beyond any pre-fabricated definition, because I have the tools to transform myself into my utmost potential.

I commit myself to stop suppressing myself.

I commit myself to investigating myself when there’s a point of doubt, fear or insecurity existing within myself in relation to communication.

I commit myself to enhance any point I see is interfering in my expression to create effective communication / relationships with me and others as well.

sábado, 26 de noviembre de 2016

Distrust (Day 153)


Some days ago I was talking with an individual and within the conversation I started kind of ‘showing off’ by saying that people are very easy to be persuaded/manipulated. This person said “I bet you can’t manipulate me” and I said “I already did it lol”.

Then this person said “You know, males are so easy to be cheated/fooled, they do not even realize when women do it”.

After some minutes, we were in a different room and this person’s body language, specifically; facial expression was one of suspicion, so I asked “Why that face? It’s like a suspicious face”. At first this person wasn’t aware of her gestures, because it happened on an unconscious level, so when I asked “Is everything okay?”, they said “yeah”. Then, this person opened up and said that actually they felt insecure in relation to me, like they didn’t know whether to believe/trust in me or not - and in that moment I realized that I had placed a seed on this person's mind; a seed that somehow activated within them a sense of insecurity.

The next day, the same happened to me, where insecurity started emerging within my solar plexus by remembering the statement they said with regards to how easy is for males to be fooled/cheated by females without them even noticing it. So, a similar experience popped up with me, through the memory of this person’s words. Distrust built up within myself and it was an experience within which I remained almost the whole evening. So, every time I noticed an energetic movement within myself, I applied self-forgiveness in order to release the energy and thus, be back here; grounded, stable, and comfortable in my physical body - and it worked, because it helped me calm myself down and be able to enjoy my expression here.

What I realized is that in the very moment we were talking, I didn’t even notice how the words both were sharing were in any way supportive, because at least in my case, it was all energy-based, because I was unwittingly trying to show myself as ‘more’. Like an mind game of polarity; loser / winner.

This person and I are in a process of getting to know each other, so this made realize the importance of the words one share within the process of creating effective relationships. It is very easy to end up participating in conversations where no one takes responsibility for the words being spoken - and beyond that; the consequences our words can create in people’s lives.

It is true that each one is responsible for the way one feel and experience oneself within, but we also have the chance to whether use our words to contribute or attack - it’s up to us. And this is what I realized, that the words spoken were spiteful and harmful.

After that, I noticed that ‘I wasn’t feeling the same’; meaning, I went with thoughts such us “I bet this will not be the same again” - and my expression was actually not being the same and I struggled with it a bit, because I wasn’t fully comfortable as an output of the aforementioned words that were said.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in energy-based conversations where the starting point is feeding ego instead of mutual support in order to create an effective communication and effective relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within energy-based conversations want to present myself as a ‘powerful man’ that can control, manipulate and persuade others - without seeing, realizing and understanding that that’s not actually what I want for me, because that’s not best for me nor best for all, because in manipulating others, I am actually deceiving myself in a mind trap of ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to present myself as a ‘powerful man’, because I fear being seen as vulnerable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have charged the word ‘vulnerable’ negatively, as a synonym of ‘weak’ - without seeing, realizing and understanding that being vulnerable can be re-defined in order to be lived as openness - where I don’t fear exposing myself, because I realize that in changing the approach of the word, others - through my vulnerability - could see me as who I am in my expression as one and equal. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to - through a memory of the words that were said - have activated Distrust within myself by thinking and believing that X is a liar that is going to hurt me - without seeing, realizing and understanding that no one can hurt another person unless oneself accept it and allow it, because we are not talking about physical pain, therefore, it’s an ego-based pain.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the Distrust activated within myself because of the memories of past relationships where people lied to me and then, I went through ‘tough moments’ in my life where I didn’t want to trust anyone anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have projected the past into my present by placing my past experiences onto X by generalizing the fear of being lied irrationally through imagination. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have felt the distrust as insecurity within my solar plexus and then, remaining there until I realized that I have the tools of self-forgiveness, self-corrective statements and self-commitments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that every new human being I am getting to know is a new opportunity to learn from myself and from them and that I can use that opportunity to enhance the skills of both of us through supporting each other in order to become the best version of ourselves and become the change we want to see in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by another person’s words and this - within myself - creating the perception of “This won’t be the same again”, and thus, becoming uncomfortable in my interaction with them, because I perceived the relationship as being ‘fractured’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get distracted from my expression when being shifted into the mind by the experience of distrust when remembering what happened and what could happen next through using memories and future projections through imagination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that Trust - which is the opposite of Distrust - is something that is achievable through another person - without, seeing, realizing and understanding that the distrust experience within myself is an indicator that shows that there are still some dimensions in relation to self-trust that require direction within myself, because there are subtle moments where by unwittingly participating in energy, I go into separation.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself speaking based on energy, where I want to present myself as a ‘powerful man’ that can control others, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that in doing that that, I am deceiving myself in an ego trap, plus, it’s within myself where I have to start living the word control as a supportive expression of myself, especially when it comes to the words I want to share, because if I cannot control myself and just rant, then I am becoming only a puppet of ego where I move within and as polarity without being able to really express myself as life.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I notice myself trying to present myself as a ‘powerful man’ that can control others.

I commit myself to stop explore the word control in order to make it a supportive expression of myself instead perpetuating it as a delivery of unaware toxic words as contaminated seeds that are installed in other people’s consciousness.

I commit myself to become more aware of the words I communicate when I talk with other beings.

When and as I see myself going into Distrust because of what was said by another person, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that Distrust was built within myself, therefore, it is my responsibility to address it and correct it, because the only way I can experience Distrust is if it resonates within myself, therefore, it’s me the one who has to explore myself in relation to the dimensions that require direction when it comes to developing self-trust.

I commit myself to continue exploring this point of Distrust and Insecurity, because this is a gift that was presented to me for me to correct myself and thus, become the best version of me.

I commit myself to stop looking for trust in others.

I commit myself to become trust and thus, instead of looking for it, I am the one who contributes with trust as an unconditional expression of myself in every moment.

When and as I see myself feeling Distrust and Insecurity in my solar plexus after an energy-based conversation where a seed of Doubt was installed within my mind system, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that this emotional experience is caused by the past as memories where people cheated on me and lied to me and also, future projection through imagination where I see the new person that came to my world doing the same that people from the past did.

I commit myself to stop projecting the past into my present.

I commit myself to stop projecting into the future through imagination.

I commit myself to approach every new human being with any burden fro the past.

I commit myself to express myself in relation to others, as I would like them to express themselves towards me.