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Mostrando entradas de 2016

Energy-Based Relationships (Day 158)

Today I woke up with this feeling of loss, like I ‘had’ something that I was somehow losing. I realized that it’s energy. It’s the positive energy that I have been unconsciously creating within myself by spending time with X.

The way this came up was as fear; fear of losing, but more specifically, fear of not being ‘loved’ or that everything that X could possibly develop as energy towards myself was decaying. So, in the back of my mind, there was this idea that in order for me to be 'loved'/'liked', I required some energy.
I have realized that this emotional shifts happen when I believe in my thoughts when I am alone or when I judge what X shares with me. These shifts happen very fast and I realize that I activate the pattern but I become aware of it once already being in the emotional reaction.
When this happens, I tend to go “This is not gonna work. They are not feeling the same. They are faking it. This is only a game”, when actually the one that is participating in …

Who am I within ‘Problems’? (Day 157)

I was listening to some individual and the following question came up “Do you want to be in a relationship despite having to face problems that will emerge and that will make you feel unstable?”.
When I was listening to that I noticed that many people tend to have a pre-fabricated idea/opinion/perception of what ‘problems’ entail. This is from an emotional approach of course. As though talking face to face was already a ‘problem’ per se. Therefore, what I see is that it is very easy to be conditioned to approach situations in an emotional state before really walking through it.
The way I see ‘problems’; meaning, when you sit in front of one another and talk about something that came up within yourself or something that you observed that can be aligned towards what’s best for all - I see them as doors/opportunities to transcend specific patterns that are ingrained within ourselves that influence the way we create relationships, especially the relationship we have built with ourselves.

Part II: Fears & Insecurities (Day 156)

Here I am continuing with my previous post...
Self-Corrective Statements.
When and as I see myself expecting the worst to happen in relation to being lied/cheated, I stop and breathe. I realize that in participating in such fears, I only limit myself to really get to know someone, because all I am seeing is the projection from the past into my present moment.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I see myself participating in the fear of being lied/cheated as I was in the past.
I commit myself to embrace the fear in order to understand it once manifested, so I can stop it.
I commit myself to sound self-forgiveness when/if I catch myself participating in fearing the worst.
When and as I see myself trying to trust another person, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am participating in fear and separation. Fear because I fear to give a step forward if I don’t feel that I can trust another person and separation when looking for trust out of myself instead of realizing that trust must exist…

Fears & Insecurities (Day 155)

I was having a conversation with X, who is someone that I am getting to know with whom I have talked about creating something together; aka agreement/relationship. The point is that I have noticed some insecurities going on within myself in relation to this individual, which have lately been creating conflict.

Basically what I am noticing is the past interfering in my present. This is all related to being lied and cheated which is something that happened within one of my previous relationships where I decided to trust someone, but my expectations were not aligned with reality, because that person from the past didn’t honor their words with regards to our commitment and then, I went into disappointment, frustration, anger, grudge, etc. - emotional mind states that somehow were asleep in me and rarely addressed which are now being projected towards this new person. 
After being single for 4 years now I learned how to enjoy my own presence, the silence and how to feel comfortable with mys…

Vulnerable (Day 154)

Within my previous post I mentioned some words that emerged when exploring the dynamics of developing an effective communication. These words were: Vulnerable, Control, and Trust.
So, in this post I am going to start off with exploring the word Vulnerable.

The dictionary defines the word Vulnerable as the following:

1. Exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.

2. (of a person) in need of special care, support, or protection, because of age, disability, or risk of abuse or neglect.
I mentioned that I had approached the word Vulnerable as a synonym of ‘Weak’; meaning, I had charged the word negatively throughout my life, because in seeing someone as being vulnerable I would picture within myself a lotus flower in the water being exposed for anyone to come, grab it and destroy it - and the flower existing in fear in the back of its ‘mind’.
On the one hand; Fear of being destroyed by someone else. And - on the other hand; Hope of being ‘discov…

Distrust (Day 153)

Some days ago I was talking with an individual and within the conversation I started kind of ‘showing off’ by saying that people are very easy to be persuaded/manipulated. This person said “I bet you can’t manipulate me” and I said “I already did it lol”.

Then this person said “You know, males are so easy to be cheated/fooled, they do not even realize when women do it”.
After some minutes, we were in a different room and this person’s body language, specifically; facial expression was one of suspicion, so I asked “Why that face? It’s like a suspicious face”. At first this person wasn’t aware of her gestures, because it happened on an unconscious level, so when I asked “Is everything okay?”, they said “yeah”. Then, this person opened up and said that actually they felt insecure in relation to me, like they didn’t know whether to believe/trust in me or not - and in that moment I realized that I had placed a seed on this person's mind; a seed that somehow activated within them a sens…