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Mostrando entradas de enero, 2016

Part II: Male Affection (Day 128)

After writing my previous post Male Affection (Day 127) I met a friend who said “I read what you wrote in your last post. You were forgiving yourself for fearing to be seen as gay for expressing yourself with affection towards other males. It was like you thought that being gay was something bad”.
So – this is a cool point that I hadn’t considered, because yeah, how many people think that being gay is something bad or negative? I would say that many. You know, ‘homosexuality’ was considered as a sort of ‘mental disease’ within the DSM, which is a manual used by psychologists. So we could say that the way of approaching homosexuality as something ‘negative’, as a ‘pathology’ is a phenomenon of modern age, therefore, a construct that can of course be deconstructed, instead of just accepting it due to being an hegemonic speech/discourse validated by ‘science’ that penetrates our minds and thus, affects/limits how we express ourselves through our physical bodies towards other human beings…

Male Affection (Day 127)

When having a look at the words ‘Love’, ‘Care’ and ‘Affection’ what I am able to bring here to this real time moment is, in some part memories from my childhood in relation to my parents and also current insights I have had.
Since I was a child I remember hearing from my mom that the kind of love my dad was able to express was more related to care, meaning, to be with you, to support you, like DOING things for you more than saying ‘beautiful words’/ 'nice things'. You know, there are many different ways in which one can express love. So, I am able to say that it took me a while to see, realize and understand what love is when it comes to doing/expressing it physically beyond words that fade away and that are not unconditionally lived in every moment.
I grew up not very used to hear nice words towards myself, because what I got from my parents has always been in relation to Care. I mean, it’s not that I was NEVER told nice words, but ...anyways. The point where I want to go here…

My Apathetic Character (Day 126)

I have been observing a pattern existing within myself that I want to stop. This pattern activates when people ask me a favor. I am going to share some moments where I have seen it.
A couple of months ago my sister told the family that she was going to get married. She asked me to play some live music there. At first I said “yeah, I can do it”, but then some weeks passed and my sister came into me asking “Pablo, did you talk to your band? Are you guys able to play?”. I said “Well, we haven’t been practicing a lot lately, so I haven’t seen them. But we have to practice next week so I will ask them”. I asked the guys and they said yes. Then I had an idea which was to play with the drummer of my band and another friend who plays the piano. I thought it would be a great idea because the piano gives the music a really cool atmosphere from my perspective.
It took me like 3 weeks to ask my pianist friend if he was able to play. He agreed. So, I told my sister that everything was okay and that…