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Mostrando entradas de febrero, 2016

Part III: Walking Away (Day 132)

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This is part III continuing with my previous posts:

Walking Away (Day 130)
Part II: Walking Away (Day 131)
So – as I mentioned before, I am forgiving myself for the thoughts/backchats that I have had towards some beings with whom I interacted some days ago where I reacted within myself because I had created an idea/belief of what was happening in that moment due to judging these beings before and then keeping those judgments at the back of my mind, which activated a reactive pattern/persona that was asleep within myself.
Here I am going to take responsibility for the thoughts/backchats/judgments that I have created within my mind consciousness system towards X, in order to realease this accumulated emotional energy towards him to be able to find a solution for me and for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that X judges me through thinking that I am a sort of rich boy who has no idea ab…

Part II: Walking Away (Day 131)

Ok - Here I am continuing with my previous post Walking Away (Day 130). So, the day after I wrote it, I noticed that I was still reacting within myself. I created many scenarios within my mind, basically expectations about what was going to happen if I get to meet the guys again. Questions such as “Will they be upset? Will they ask me about what happened to me? Was it too evident that I reacted?”, so in that moment I applied self-forgiveness aloud to release all the energy that I was building up through thinking.
Then, what I did was to speak outloud in real time what I would say if I had the chance to talk to the guys about my reaction in order to change. I didn’t do this because I think that I must explain myself in front of them, but basically to take responsibility for my mind. So, as I was speaking I realized that I was being self-honest through explaining to myself what had happened, how the reaction got triggered and I also realized something interesting, which is that I had tho…

Walking Away (Day 130)

Last night I was with some friends in the squat we usually hang out and something happened that triggered a reaction within myself. Let me explain the whole scenario.
Some of my friends were already there, so by the time I got there, they were already wasted. As usual, I had my guitar, because I love playing outdoor. Suddenly, one of the guys there, a guy that I had never seen before started saying “dude, you play the guitar really well”. I felt a bit awkward, but I said “Oh yeah? Do you really think so?” and X said “lol Do you really think so? That didn’t sound humble" in a sort of joke. I didn’t laugh because it wasn’t funny. Instead, I continued playing my guitar.
Then, X started screaming “Jesus, oh you all mighty, my saviour!” kidding just when some people were coming in. I thought “This dude wants to get the attention, but it’s okay. He is not insulting anyone, he is just pretending he is a preacher”.
X then wanted to buy some drugs, so he asked me “Hey, can we go by car?” an…

Gargantuan Mouth (Day 129)

A few minutes ago I was having lunch with my mom. She had prepared spaghetti wich is my favorite meal. It was all going great until she mentioned that yesterday she came across my ex girlfriend’s mom in the street.
They started talking and my mom told this woman something that I had told my mom as a sort of secret. I am not going to mention it here, because it may compromise other people that are also involved, but instead I am going to write down my reaction.

The first thing I noticed was a mixture of anger and disappointment building up within myself. Then the backchat “why did my mom say that?”, so I asked my mom “why did you tell her that? Was it really necessary?” but she started changing topic, so I said “you are changing topic. Look, you shouldn’t have said that. That compromises me and other people”.
I remembered that my dad in the past mentioned that my mom tends to speak too much and that she does not know how to filter what she’s saying.
Within myself I started judging my mom …