sábado, 13 de agosto de 2016

Why Do You Look at The Speck in Your Brother's Eye, But Fail to Notice The Beam in Your Own Eye? (Day 149)


Within this post I am going to place myself in an individual’s shoes in order to apply self-forgiveness on the patterns I have observed exist within themselves that are creating conflict within their lives and the lives of others when it comes to communication and the dynamics in relationships.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the way I feel within myself, without realizing that the anger, hate, and frustration I experience are indicating that there are certain points in my world/life that I am not addressing in self-honesty, that’s why it is much easier to abdicate responsibility and project it onto others instead of facing it myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how the way I express myself within communication when I am angry through my voice tonality, body language and facial gestures make the way I express myself infertile, because what I create is friction instead of understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not treat human beings equally, because I project my anger, hate, and frustration towards those that I have defined as ‘inferior than me’, without realizing that in doing so, I am not applying the principle of do ‘unto others as you would have them do unto you’, which means that I am accepting and allowing myself to also be treated as an ‘inferior human being’, because if there exists inferior, there exists superior within the mind, therefore, I am implicitly accepting and allowing myself to be treated as an inferior by those that I have defined as ‘superior than me’ in relation to social status, jobs, knowledge and information, and money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with the desire of revenge when I am not able to demonstrate that I am right, that’s why I unconsciously start speaking louder, my body becomes tight, my facial gestures become aggressive and then, the attempt of trying to do something to the other person ignates in order to not let them ‘get away with it’ and get the feeling that I have not ‘lost’, which means “I am not inferior”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate this emotional reactions throughout these years, without realizing that this affects me as my body, my mind, and my relationship with others and their lives, because I am not being able to build effective relationships where communication is the main tool to understand each other and also, I am not realizing the extent to which this will be an example for the younger generations; those that see me as an example whether I want to be an example or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how the way I express myself influences the minds and lives of the ones around me, because my actions and words will become memories that will be emotionally charged within their minds and bodies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to listen to the support other people give me, because the only thing I do is listen to them as usual, but then I do not apply it in my life in order to create a real change within myself, and instead of that, I again fall into the trap of blaming others for the way I am, which leads into a vicious cycle, moving in circules by default, without being able to stand up and take responsibility for my own mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions, and move forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have get used to always have people giving me support without me myself being able to stand up alone as one and equal and create within myself the change that I would like to see in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry when people are honest towards myself, because I am not able to listen to their words, place them within myself, see where do those words resonate within myself in order to take them into consideration within the process of changing myself to become the best version of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that all this anger, frustration and hate is only limiting myself to become the best version of me, because instead of expanding myself into self-growth, I am only perpetuating patterns that were created even when I was a child, therefore, everytime I repeat the patterns, I am moving backwards, just tacitly saying “mind, you take responsibility for myself. Activate all those patterns that you have been activating since I am a child, because I am not able to take responsibility for myself”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to no see, realize and understand that I am not a mind, because the mind is a platform which consists of thoughts, feelings and emotions, but I am not only that; I am a human being and I am able to program and deprogram my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind control myself instead of me standing up and saying “stop! I am going to take responsibilty for my life and I am going to deprogram myself from all those patterns in order to program my mind again so as to become the best version of me.

Self-Commitment Statements

When and as I see myself blaming people for the way I am or the things that have taken place in my life, I stop and breathe. I realize that I myself am resposible for myself and that blaming is only a trap that limits me from expanding myself towards my utmost potential.

I commit myself to stop blaming others for the way I am or the things that have taken place in myself.

I commit myself to start working on myself in order to see what aspects of my life need to be aligned towards expanding myself and becoming the best version of me.

When and as I see myself becoming angry within communication, I stop and breathe. I realize that becoming angry is not going to solve anything, because instead of understanding, I am creating conflict.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I see myself becoming angry within communication.

I commit myself to focus on my breathing when I becoming angry, in order to see how in that moment I am switching myself to the mind, abdicating all responsibilty to the patterns that exist in my life and that keep me enslaved.

I commit myself to stop participating in the conversartion when I realize that I am speaking louder and becoming angry and say “give me a moment. I am becoming angry and I need to calm myself down” and then, once the energy is gone, continue with the conversation.

When and as I see myself treating others as inferiors, projecting all my anger towards them, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that there is no such thing as superior or inferior, because we are all equals and therefore, I don’t need to treat others as I wouldn’t like to be treated.

I commit myself to stop believing that are people that are superior or inferior than me in order to treat them as I would like to be treated; as equals.

When and as I see myself judging others where I see them as inferior, I stop and breathe. I realize that all that I judge in others is only a reflection of what exists within myself, but as it is easier to project it onto others, I prefer taking the easy way instead of seeing the truth of myself, which is that I have to take deprogram myself from those patterns or aspects that I see in others that keep me trapped within my mind.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I am judging others and then, have a look at the judgement and see in self-honesty where in my life I do the same, so as to start changing myself first instead of only seeing the plank in others’ eyes.

miércoles, 3 de agosto de 2016

Being Drunk v/s Being Sober in a Club (Day 147)


Last weekend I went to a club in this new city I am currently living in. I usually go to clubs when there are bands playing live.That’s most of the times my starting point in relation to going to such places; watching and listening to new bands playing live.

So, once I have seen the bands and listened to their music it’s like I am already ‘done’ and I can go home because 'I already did what I had planned'. It is different when I have been to such places without having a clear starting point, because when I have done that in the past, it felt like being in a contant state of ‘expecting something to happen’, which leads to anxiety, that’s why you drink and smoke more – as though that physical action of directing your hand towards your mouth in a repetitive way - creating a pattern - was going to solve your inner state or give you a purpose.  

Anyways, I went to this club with a new friend and I was completely clean; no alcohol and no drugs in my body. The only thing I drank was water and the only ‘drug’ I consumed was a hot dog once we got out of that place lol.

So, I went to the techno/electro/dance sort of room where the Djs play some music and you move the way you want. It was cool because I was experimenting with my body doing different moves, even the moon walk lol - no kidding. I was trying to make my body move in a synchronized way, but at the same time trying different moves that you do not normally do because they may seem ridiculous.

For a moment I felt like being drunk and high. I was sweating and having fun on my own. Enjoying myself without needing something external to be able to express myself. What I realized is that most of the times people need that ‘extra boost’ to be able to express themselves in a more ‘free way’. But what they do not realize is that through drinking alcohol, they are only making their self-expression dependent on something else, looking for that ‘freedom’ out of themselves, instead of giving themseves the opportunity to develop it from the inside.

So, this new approach seems more real to me, because it’s something I am developing from within myself. And what has also supported me through this is singing or practicing rap songs while I am walking in the street. You know, sometimes people look at you like “what?”, but that’s the ‘worst’ thing you will get lol. It is like doing it for oneself and it does not matter whether other people make fun of you or not, because they have no idea and if they asked you, you explain, and then they will go “Oh, I now understand”.

It’s like what happened the first day I went to my new job. I went to the teachers’ room, left my backpack there and then went outside to walk through the corridors, read what students/teachers had hanging on the walls and those things, until one old man who apparently works there approached me and said “Hi, may I help you? Who are you?” and I said “Hi, I am a new teacher here”. He said “Oh, but you can come in”, and I said “Oh no, I have decided to be outside because I like breathing the fresh air mornings bring, plus I am having a look at the articles you have on the walls” and then he understood. Other people might have perceived what I was doing as “The new teacher is shy” lol.

martes, 2 de agosto de 2016

Moving to a New City (Day 146)


Last week I moved to a different city to start a new job as a teacher after being unemployed for a bit more than 1 year. It came unexpected and all of a sudden I had to move myself efficiently in order to get everything done, including bus tickets and paper stuff that are required to work in a school.

The last day I stayed in my previous city, one of my friends stayed with me throughout the process of getting things done and I noticed how I tended to become possessed by an emotional reaction of sadness, while thinking “this dude has always been here for me in very important moments, but I won’t see him or the rest of the guys in a long time again”.

It was like approaching that last day in my previous city as a sort of farewell, plus keeing in mind that I for the first time was going to work in a public school, so a whole new experience where I would have to adapt myself to a new environment, new colleagues, new students, different city, etc.

Anyways, I got here and so far I have felt home. I’m currently living in my grandma’s house and as I have family and friends here, I haven’t felt 'alone' so to speak. I have realized that is still me who is here no matter where I am. Plus, if there is something I learned through being unemployed is to be with myself and enjoy my own presence.

That learning process of being with myself is why I have felt comfortable, because first of all, I am developing that self-trust within and as myself and not looking for it ‘out there’ as I used to in the past when having my first job as a teacher, for instance.

I already met two classes. One of them was defined to me as a ‘complicated class’, but it wasn’t that bad. I thought they would stab me in the back or something like that lol but they just seemed talkative and sometimes do not show any interest in the lesson, but that happens in every school I guess. Anyways, you really get to know students when walking with them for a semester or even a year to my perspective, so there is still a whole road ahead to walk.

What else? I haven’t missed my family or friends yet. I have been quite stable so far, but I understand that it’s mainly because I am not alone and I know this city, because I was born here and I've lived here before when I was a child. I would probably be telling a different story if I was in a completely unknown place.

Another thing that I have noticed is that I feel empowered; meaning, like being able to do anything I want, because somehow ‘nobody knows me here’, so it is like ‘I have nothing to lose’. Plus, as I am already re-adapting myself to the system’s flow/rhythm; I am already walking what I had in ‘pause mode’, so I could start applying some ideas that I didn’t materialize while being unemployed and ‘out of the game’.

I will continue writing about this new process as long as it unfolds.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have felt sad because of approaching my last day in my previous city as a farewell, without realizing that I can still communicate with my family/friends and I am only 630 kilometers away from my previous city.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have participated in anxiety while keeping in my mind this idea that I had to face a ‘complicated class’ and this building fear within myself while simultaneously the image of me being punched or stubbed in the back by those students popping up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand that the mind always tends to make things bigger or worse – going to the extremes, without realizing that in such moments what I have to do is taking a deep in breath, deep out breath, and see my reality with/through my physical eyes with common sense, meaning, the practicality of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have felt like "I don’t care, I can do anything I want, because nobody knows me here" and charging it positively, without realizing that I don’t need to make it mind-based, but instead of feeding the feeling within my mind, I can materialize that statement to empower myself from a stable stance without depending on polarity to express myself.

Self-Commitment Statements

When and as I see myself charging my mind positively with statements such as “no one knows me here, so I feel I can do anything”, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am only feeding a feeling but I haven’t yet done anything in the physical.

I commit myself to apply the statements or realizations I have while being in this new city in order to live the words instead of only charging them with energy.

When and as I see myself going into sadness because I think I am going to miss my family and friends, I stop and breathe. I realize that I have myself, I have what I learned from family and friends within myself and what I have to do now is to live and apply all that I have learned from them and from myself in order to create a real change in myself and my world.

I commit myself to apply and live all I have learned from myself and other people in the past in order to continue changing myself and the world system as this new opportuniy to teach again has opened up.

I commit myself to support myself through writing the points that will open up while being in this new city.