martes, 2 de agosto de 2016

Moving to a New City (Day 146)


Last week I moved to a different city to start a new job as a teacher after being unemployed for a bit more than 1 year. It came unexpected and all of a sudden I had to move myself efficiently in order to get everything done, including bus tickets and paper stuff that are required to work in a school.

The last day I stayed in my previous city, one of my friends stayed with me throughout the process of getting things done and I noticed how I tended to become possessed by an emotional reaction of sadness, while thinking “this dude has always been here for me in very important moments, but I won’t see him or the rest of the guys in a long time again”.

It was like approaching that last day in my previous city as a sort of farewell, plus keeing in mind that I for the first time was going to work in a public school, so a whole new experience where I would have to adapt myself to a new environment, new colleagues, new students, different city, etc.

Anyways, I got here and so far I have felt home. I’m currently living in my grandma’s house and as I have family and friends here, I haven’t felt 'alone' so to speak. I have realized that is still me who is here no matter where I am. Plus, if there is something I learned through being unemployed is to be with myself and enjoy my own presence.

That learning process of being with myself is why I have felt comfortable, because first of all, I am developing that self-trust within and as myself and not looking for it ‘out there’ as I used to in the past when having my first job as a teacher, for instance.

I already met two classes. One of them was defined to me as a ‘complicated class’, but it wasn’t that bad. I thought they would stab me in the back or something like that lol but they just seemed talkative and sometimes do not show any interest in the lesson, but that happens in every school I guess. Anyways, you really get to know students when walking with them for a semester or even a year to my perspective, so there is still a whole road ahead to walk.

What else? I haven’t missed my family or friends yet. I have been quite stable so far, but I understand that it’s mainly because I am not alone and I know this city, because I was born here and I've lived here before when I was a child. I would probably be telling a different story if I was in a completely unknown place.

Another thing that I have noticed is that I feel empowered; meaning, like being able to do anything I want, because somehow ‘nobody knows me here’, so it is like ‘I have nothing to lose’. Plus, as I am already re-adapting myself to the system’s flow/rhythm; I am already walking what I had in ‘pause mode’, so I could start applying some ideas that I didn’t materialize while being unemployed and ‘out of the game’.

I will continue writing about this new process as long as it unfolds.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have felt sad because of approaching my last day in my previous city as a farewell, without realizing that I can still communicate with my family/friends and I am only 630 kilometers away from my previous city.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have participated in anxiety while keeping in my mind this idea that I had to face a ‘complicated class’ and this building fear within myself while simultaneously the image of me being punched or stubbed in the back by those students popping up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand that the mind always tends to make things bigger or worse – going to the extremes, without realizing that in such moments what I have to do is taking a deep in breath, deep out breath, and see my reality with/through my physical eyes with common sense, meaning, the practicality of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have felt like "I don’t care, I can do anything I want, because nobody knows me here" and charging it positively, without realizing that I don’t need to make it mind-based, but instead of feeding the feeling within my mind, I can materialize that statement to empower myself from a stable stance without depending on polarity to express myself.

Self-Commitment Statements

When and as I see myself charging my mind positively with statements such as “no one knows me here, so I feel I can do anything”, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am only feeding a feeling but I haven’t yet done anything in the physical.

I commit myself to apply the statements or realizations I have while being in this new city in order to live the words instead of only charging them with energy.

When and as I see myself going into sadness because I think I am going to miss my family and friends, I stop and breathe. I realize that I have myself, I have what I learned from family and friends within myself and what I have to do now is to live and apply all that I have learned from them and from myself in order to create a real change in myself and my world.

I commit myself to apply and live all I have learned from myself and other people in the past in order to continue changing myself and the world system as this new opportuniy to teach again has opened up.

I commit myself to support myself through writing the points that will open up while being in this new city.

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