Ir al contenido principal

When Your Body Language Gives You Away (Day 151)


A few days ago I was talking to X and I was explaining something, then this individual made a question, but as their question was not specific, I asked again in order to provide a clearer answer, but I noticed that this person changed in their behavior, kind of becoming upset and speaking louder while their body language - specifically their facial gestures and hands started making abrupt moves, kind of stressed out.

I have personally seen this existing within myself as well, for instance when one is doing something and suddenly we’re interrupted, but more specifically when the other person seems to not understand our point and one have to repeat the message. 

I notice that when I have to repeat what I already said, I have become in-a-rush-mode so to speak, and as they do not seem to understand what I say, slowly but surely I start noticing how the emotion starts building up within myself, but at the same time trying to control it, although the result is infertile because you end up struggling with your emotions, which is something you can see when focusing on facial gestures and body language. Like, you can tell when someone is not comfortable in their physical bodies.

It’s like “I already explained it and now you are making me do it all again?”, kind of victimizing self, making it personal and thinking that they might even be making fun of us, kind of pushing our buttons or testing us deliberately. 

Also, the other side of the polarity that I have seen goes through backchats like “Are you stupid that you do not understand?” or “Are you deaf?” type of thing. This, creating a sense of ‘superiority’ that comes from the frustration for not being fully understood, like “I explained it already, therefore, if you do not understand, then it’s your problem. Just bounce and leave me alone, otherwise, if I am to repeat myself then I have the right to ‘charge you’ and make you ‘pay me’ through ‘emotional punishment’ where I am going to see you as inferior and treat you as such”.

What I see here is that these polarized reactions work as absolutes; meaning, just positive or negative, black or white, right or wrong, superior or inferior, without even taking the time to sit back and introspect all the dimensions involved within the spectrum and also, how I am supporting myself towards a more effective communication.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become in-a-rush mode when I am asked to repeat myself, wherein I would embody the superior character or the inferior one depending on how I perceive myself and the others around.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to perception, without realizing that perception is a judgment, it’s polarity - it does not support life as the physical, because this takes place from a mind’s interpretation, where I already judged myself and/or others and from there, messed it all up and already participated in a character; the embodiment of a persona, instead of seeing the practicality, the solutions and how I can support myself and everyone involved in the conversation if I’d stopped my participation in the mind system and release the energy and so the pattern to become the best version of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody the superior and inferior character according to how I have previously judged someone that is talking to me, without realizing that the embodiment of characters is absolute limitation when it comes to communication, because I do not realize that I first have to understand why I am experiencing myself as an emotional experience so as to be able to understand another person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question why is it that I become uncomfortable in my physical body, facial gestures and body language when energy starts building up within myself while perceiving that someone is pushing my buttons within communication when I have to repeat myself or clarify information, without realizing that it’s not that the other person is creating the reaction, because they are just asking a question, therefore, it’s only me the one who decides how to approach it; meaning, it’s my responsibility to address my feelings and emotions. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have the right to treat someone in a rude manner when they ask me to repeat myself, as though they were stupid and not able to understand what I am saying, without realizing that if I placed myself in their shoes, I honestly wouldn’t like to be treated as such.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to do onto others as I would have them do unto me; meaning, applying the principle of equality as all, as one. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe myself to be a victim when I am struggling in energetic movements and its manifestations in the physical when someone is asking me to repeat what I have just already said, as though the one who is asking me something was deliberately making fun of me or pushing my buttons so as to see a reaction in me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react emotionally within communication, instead of calming myself down, grounding myself here in self-awareness, so as to become aware of who am I accepting and allowing myself to be in that moment, in order to take responsibility and
change that moment of inner conflict into mutual understanding, not only focusing on me, me, me, but also the equal living being that is in front of me interacting with me.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself becoming uncomfortable within communication when I have to repeat myself, which leads me to then embody characters, such as the inferior, superior, self-victimization, anger, frustration, I stop and breathe. I realize that instead of focusing on the other person in a way of blaming them, I must start off with me first in order to make sure that I am stable within communication, so as to be part of a solution instead of contributing to create more conflict based on ego. 

I commit myself to stop believing and thinking that others are responsible for the way I am experiencing myself.

I commit myself to take responsibility through self-writing when it comes to inner conflicts where I see I am blaming others for the way I feel when they are around or when they talk to me. 

I commit myself to find ways in which I can express myself better, for instance through providing different sorts of examples, also asking questions, such as “Is there anything that you do not understand? Am I missing any points?”.


I commit myself to focus on my breathing and body posture when I notice that energy starts building up within myself, so as to support myself through my physical body and stop the pattern activation that comes next after accepting and allowing myself to participate in the energetic experience. 

Comentarios

Entradas populares de este blog

Getting Angry with Students (Day 30)

Within my job as a teacher I can remember a few moments in which I took things personal, but they happened during my first year. Now, I am on my third year as a teacher and it's hard for me to get angry with students, because I prefer to address the issue through communication and agreements.
Today, I got angry with a student and I didn't even realize it until another student that was next to me said "teacher, don't get angry".
The scenario went as it follows:
Students were presenting oral reports. Before they start, I take the time to tell the class that they have to be quiet while their classmates are performing, because I have to assess them and if there's too much noise, I can't hear very well.
It was hard to me to keep them completely quiet today - teachers know that not all lessons with the same class work the same due to different factors -. So, I had to constantly stop and say "guys, be quiet. Your classmates are performing". That happened d…

When You See Only What You Want To See (Day 162)

Someone made an observation about me after communicating with them a couple of times. They noticed that I tend to see only what I want to see; meaning, that I understand things in the wrong way.

At first I was within myself like “But, how can that be possible if I try to be objective when I observe or listen to the information being shared?”, until today while watching a video and then, when giving it a second watch, I realized that “Hey, the first time I watched the video I understood something completely different to what I am understanding now”.
So, I asked myself “Why did that happen?” and in self-honesty I can say that I was not fully aware of what I was doing. I was watching the video, but at the same time having a chat and also concerned about a problem I had. 
It’s like for moments I am paying attention, but then I go into my mind. Then, I get back to my body/awareness and I listen to the information and ‘understand what I want to understand’ or what it’s related to what I was t…

Energy-Based Relationships (Day 158)

Today I woke up with this feeling of loss, like I ‘had’ something that I was somehow losing. I realized that it’s energy. It’s the positive energy that I have been unconsciously creating within myself by spending time with X.

The way this came up was as fear; fear of losing, but more specifically, fear of not being ‘loved’ or that everything that X could possibly develop as energy towards myself was decaying. So, in the back of my mind, there was this idea that in order for me to be 'loved'/'liked', I required some energy.
I have realized that this emotional shifts happen when I believe in my thoughts when I am alone or when I judge what X shares with me. These shifts happen very fast and I realize that I activate the pattern but I become aware of it once already being in the emotional reaction.
When this happens, I tend to go “This is not gonna work. They are not feeling the same. They are faking it. This is only a game”, when actually the one that is participating in …