martes, 29 de noviembre de 2016

Vulnerable (Day 154)





Within my previous post I mentioned some words that emerged when exploring the dynamics of developing an effective communication. These words were: Vulnerable, Control, and Trust.

So, in this post I am going to start off with exploring the word Vulnerable.

The dictionary defines the word Vulnerable as the following:

1. Exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.

2. (of a person) in need of special care, support, or protection, because of age, disability, or risk of abuse or neglect.

I mentioned that I had approached the word Vulnerable as a synonym of ‘Weak’; meaning, I had charged the word negatively throughout my life, because in seeing someone as being vulnerable I would picture within myself a lotus flower in the water being exposed for anyone to come, grab it and destroy it - and the flower existing in fear in the back of its ‘mind’.

On the one hand; Fear of being destroyed by someone else. And - on the other hand; Hope of being ‘discovered’ by someone that would take care of it in order to support its growth into its utmost potential. Like being in a sort of Russian Roulette game of two options; live or die.

So, in the past, I instead of exposing myself within Fear and Hope = insecurity - I'd rather choose to become hermetic through suppressing my expression, avoiding to place myself in the unknown/uncertain.

Also, there is the influence of the collective dimension in relation to “Being vulnerable in this world is dangerous, because everybody wants to take advantage of you through self-interest”.

But, what I haven’t taken into consideration is the fact that if I support myself in relation to my thoughts, feelings and emotions, as well as releasing energetic charges, and re-define the words that I have accepted in a pre-fabricated format to influence my expression throughout my life, what would be exposed through that vulnerableness as openness, wouldn’t be weakness, but self-trust as the realization that I have the tools to change myself and stop self-abuse so as to walk step by step into self-expansion, especially in the way I express myself in relation to others, which it would become a contribution instead of suppression due to insecurity.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have charged the word Vulnerable negatively, because of the idea and perception that was installed within my mind of “If I want to be strong, I must not be Vulnerable”.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that if there exists fear of being vulnerable it’s because of self-judgement existing within myself, because that self-judgment inhibits me from transcending the points that once corrected, will lead me into the developing of an effective way of expressing myself when it comes to my relationship with myself and others as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think “If I expose myself in front of them, they are going to think I am weird”, without realizing that even the ‘stupid comments’ I make can become support for me and other people once the point opens up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that the people around me will respond to myself in the way I think, which is judgment projection, without realizing that if I don’t try it, there’s no way I can find out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear exposing myself without even first giving it a try.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I can be both; vulnerable and strong; meaning, I can become stronger as who I am through developing openness in relation to myself in the way I explore and change myself in self-honesty according to what plays out in the physical world by first ‘cleaning’ myself within, so as to be able to clean communication without.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being Vulnerable, because I feared being weak in front of others, without seeing, realizing and understanding that the fear was the output of defining myself through an already fabricated definition of the word Vulnerable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that words are like clothes; meaning, when clothes are too big or there is something that makes it uncomfortable, you can re-adapt it in order to make fit according to your body size; fitting in what’s real/physical instead of wearing/using the standardized version only because it’s easier and everyone else does.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in changing the definitions of the words in order to support myself into my utmost potential; I am making an impact in my reality, because words create the world, therefore, if I work on re-adjusting the language I live as words, as every single word I am struggling with, I will be making the message of what’s best for all real; one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that that which I fear exposing about myself through being vulnerable is something that I can be glad of sharing about me once I change who I am within; meaning, if I become self-trust, why would I fear exposing self-trust as an unconditional expression of myself?

Self-Commitment Statements

When and as I see myself fearing being seen as weak by others and judging myself as a Vulnerable person that would rather prefer to suppress self-expression so as to present self as strong instead of going into insecurity = fear and hope - I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that actually suppression is weakness, because in exposing myself to myself - by clearing my mind as the words I have defined myself within - I become strong as self-trust.

I commit myself to stop fear being exposed.

I commit myself to stop thinking and believing that being vulnerable is a synonym of weakness. 

I commit myself to exposing myself to myself through self-writing in order to explore and re-define the words that I have accepted and allowed to determine the way I experience and express myself in this world by accepting the pre-fabricated definition provided by dictionaries, the media, the collective mind, etc.

When and as I see myself fearing to expose myself, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that if I am fearing something it’s because I have to introspect and investigate myself within in order to transform it into potential and thus, in every step within exploring myself, it will become a +1 in the developing of self-trust as who I decide to be beyond any pre-fabricated definition, because I have the tools to transform myself into my utmost potential.

I commit myself to stop suppressing myself.

I commit myself to investigating myself when there’s a point of doubt, fear or insecurity existing within myself in relation to communication.

I commit myself to enhance any point I see is interfering in my expression to create effective communication / relationships with me and others as well.

sábado, 26 de noviembre de 2016

Distrust (Day 153)


Some days ago I was talking with an individual and within the conversation I started kind of ‘showing off’ by saying that people are very easy to be persuaded/manipulated. This person said “I bet you can’t manipulate me” and I said “I already did it lol”.

Then this person said “You know, males are so easy to be cheated/fooled, they do not even realize when women do it”.

After some minutes, we were in a different room and this person’s body language, specifically; facial expression was one of suspicion, so I asked “Why that face? It’s like a suspicious face”. At first this person wasn’t aware of her gestures, because it happened on an unconscious level, so when I asked “Is everything okay?”, they said “yeah”. Then, this person opened up and said that actually they felt insecure in relation to me, like they didn’t know whether to believe/trust in me or not - and in that moment I realized that I had placed a seed on this person's mind; a seed that somehow activated within them a sense of insecurity.

The next day, the same happened to me, where insecurity started emerging within my solar plexus by remembering the statement they said with regards to how easy is for males to be fooled/cheated by females without them even noticing it. So, a similar experience popped up with me, through the memory of this person’s words. Distrust built up within myself and it was an experience within which I remained almost the whole evening. So, every time I noticed an energetic movement within myself, I applied self-forgiveness in order to release the energy and thus, be back here; grounded, stable, and comfortable in my physical body - and it worked, because it helped me calm myself down and be able to enjoy my expression here.

What I realized is that in the very moment we were talking, I didn’t even notice how the words both were sharing were in any way supportive, because at least in my case, it was all energy-based, because I was unwittingly trying to show myself as ‘more’. Like an mind game of polarity; loser / winner.

This person and I are in a process of getting to know each other, so this made realize the importance of the words one share within the process of creating effective relationships. It is very easy to end up participating in conversations where no one takes responsibility for the words being spoken - and beyond that; the consequences our words can create in people’s lives.

It is true that each one is responsible for the way one feel and experience oneself within, but we also have the chance to whether use our words to contribute or attack - it’s up to us. And this is what I realized, that the words spoken were spiteful and harmful.

After that, I noticed that ‘I wasn’t feeling the same’; meaning, I went with thoughts such us “I bet this will not be the same again” - and my expression was actually not being the same and I struggled with it a bit, because I wasn’t fully comfortable as an output of the aforementioned words that were said.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in energy-based conversations where the starting point is feeding ego instead of mutual support in order to create an effective communication and effective relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within energy-based conversations want to present myself as a ‘powerful man’ that can control, manipulate and persuade others - without seeing, realizing and understanding that that’s not actually what I want for me, because that’s not best for me nor best for all, because in manipulating others, I am actually deceiving myself in a mind trap of ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to present myself as a ‘powerful man’, because I fear being seen as vulnerable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have charged the word ‘vulnerable’ negatively, as a synonym of ‘weak’ - without seeing, realizing and understanding that being vulnerable can be re-defined in order to be lived as openness - where I don’t fear exposing myself, because I realize that in changing the approach of the word, others - through my vulnerability - could see me as who I am in my expression as one and equal. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to - through a memory of the words that were said - have activated Distrust within myself by thinking and believing that X is a liar that is going to hurt me - without seeing, realizing and understanding that no one can hurt another person unless oneself accept it and allow it, because we are not talking about physical pain, therefore, it’s an ego-based pain.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the Distrust activated within myself because of the memories of past relationships where people lied to me and then, I went through ‘tough moments’ in my life where I didn’t want to trust anyone anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have projected the past into my present by placing my past experiences onto X by generalizing the fear of being lied irrationally through imagination. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have felt the distrust as insecurity within my solar plexus and then, remaining there until I realized that I have the tools of self-forgiveness, self-corrective statements and self-commitments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that every new human being I am getting to know is a new opportunity to learn from myself and from them and that I can use that opportunity to enhance the skills of both of us through supporting each other in order to become the best version of ourselves and become the change we want to see in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by another person’s words and this - within myself - creating the perception of “This won’t be the same again”, and thus, becoming uncomfortable in my interaction with them, because I perceived the relationship as being ‘fractured’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get distracted from my expression when being shifted into the mind by the experience of distrust when remembering what happened and what could happen next through using memories and future projections through imagination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that Trust - which is the opposite of Distrust - is something that is achievable through another person - without, seeing, realizing and understanding that the distrust experience within myself is an indicator that shows that there are still some dimensions in relation to self-trust that require direction within myself, because there are subtle moments where by unwittingly participating in energy, I go into separation.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself speaking based on energy, where I want to present myself as a ‘powerful man’ that can control others, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that in doing that that, I am deceiving myself in an ego trap, plus, it’s within myself where I have to start living the word control as a supportive expression of myself, especially when it comes to the words I want to share, because if I cannot control myself and just rant, then I am becoming only a puppet of ego where I move within and as polarity without being able to really express myself as life.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I notice myself trying to present myself as a ‘powerful man’ that can control others.

I commit myself to stop explore the word control in order to make it a supportive expression of myself instead perpetuating it as a delivery of unaware toxic words as contaminated seeds that are installed in other people’s consciousness.

I commit myself to become more aware of the words I communicate when I talk with other beings.

When and as I see myself going into Distrust because of what was said by another person, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that Distrust was built within myself, therefore, it is my responsibility to address it and correct it, because the only way I can experience Distrust is if it resonates within myself, therefore, it’s me the one who has to explore myself in relation to the dimensions that require direction when it comes to developing self-trust.

I commit myself to continue exploring this point of Distrust and Insecurity, because this is a gift that was presented to me for me to correct myself and thus, become the best version of me.

I commit myself to stop looking for trust in others.

I commit myself to become trust and thus, instead of looking for it, I am the one who contributes with trust as an unconditional expression of myself in every moment.

When and as I see myself feeling Distrust and Insecurity in my solar plexus after an energy-based conversation where a seed of Doubt was installed within my mind system, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that this emotional experience is caused by the past as memories where people cheated on me and lied to me and also, future projection through imagination where I see the new person that came to my world doing the same that people from the past did.

I commit myself to stop projecting the past into my present.

I commit myself to stop projecting into the future through imagination.

I commit myself to approach every new human being with any burden fro the past.

I commit myself to express myself in relation to others, as I would like them to express themselves towards me.

jueves, 24 de noviembre de 2016

Learning from Leaders (Day 152)



This morning I was on the bus going to work and as usual there were lots of passengers. The bus was full and I had to travel standing on my feet which I am used to and it’s not a big deal. The point is that when I got in the bus, I noticed a man that was giving the passengers instructions in order to all be able to fit in. 

I was listening to music with headphones and this man said something I couldn’t hear, so I took out the headphones and asked “what?”, and he suggested me to take out my backpack and hold it with my hand so the backpack was not going to use too much space.

I noticed that when this man talked to me I had this backchats "Is he talking to me? I don't know him. Who does he think he is? Why should I obey?"

At first, I didn’t do what he said and instead moved next to a seat and asked “here it’s fine, right?”. Then, I questioned my reaction to him by realizing that what activated in that moment was superiority and my rebel/stubborn character, where I would make it personal instead of seeing the common sense in this man’s words.


Then, once I realized I had reacted, I started thinking “hang on, this guy is a leader. He is just trying to help”.

It’s interesting how easy one in one moment make things personal and the main point becomes judging, blaming, victimizing, backchatting, because one is misinterpreting everything.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make things personal instead of seeing the practicality and the common sense of what is being said.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am ‘more than’ the man that was helping the bus driver with the passengers, because within myself I reacted with backchats where I went “I don’t know this man, so he must not even talk to me”, without seeing, realizing and understanding that there’s no need to be like that, because I am not that ‘especial’ or ‘untouchable’ person, plus the main point of what was being said to me was a suggestion and in any way in a rude manner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret a suggestion by someone I don’t know as though they were imposing their wants and needs on me, without realizing that if I have previously judged someone or have that premise existing within myself of “if I don’t know you, you can’t talk to me”, I am only becoming absolute, limited and blind, because I am filtering the information through the mind/ego instead of immediately applying what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to backchat towards that man “Does he think he knows? Does he feel powerful by doing this?”, without realizing that in doing that, I was only projecting the shit that exists within myself towards him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see what’s best for all and instead, make things personal by activating characters that limit my comprehension and practical application. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the reason why I judged this man was because within myself I knew he was leading in some way and as leading in my expression still requires some work, I was judging that which I do not have developed within and without.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that many things that I judge from other people are skills that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to polish.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that through judging and activating characters, I am limiting myself from learning and seeing the common sense in other people’s deeds. 

Self-Commitments

When and as I see myself making things personal when someone is making a suggestion, I stop and breathe. I realize that if I am reacting it’s because I am not grounded here, and instead, a character has activated which inhibits me from seeing the common sense and learn.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I start making things personal so as to see the common sense and the practicality of what has been said.

When and as I see myself perceiving myself as this untouchable person that no one can dare to talk to if we don’t know each other, I stop and breathe. I realize that this is ego manifesting, because if I am in a public place, I have to be aware of how I can contribute and make things better for me and everyone involved.

I commit myself to stop perceiving myself as though I am untouchable and that no one can talk to me in order to become more open and thus, be able to live instead of perpetuating pre-programming.

When and as I see myself reacting; thinking and believing that someone is imposing their wants and needs on me in order for me to ‘obey’, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am predisposing myself from a negative approach, instead of seeing, listening, learning, and applying.

I commit myself to stop thinking that when people randomly talk to me to make a suggestion is because they are imposing their ideas on me for me to obey.

I commit myself to first listen and see what I am being told, instead of automatically activating a pattern when someone I don’t know talks to me.

When and as I see myself thinking and believing “they must feel powerful by leading”, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that I am projecting my shit onto them; meaning, I am the one that looks for power by leading, as well as recognition and a sense of superiority, that’s why leading has not become an unconditional part of myself that I live in every moment, otherwise, I would immediately acknowledge when someone is leading and I would contribute and ‘do unto them as I would have them done onto me’.

I commit myself to stop looking for power, superiority and recognition when I am leading through an idea that involves everyone.

I commit myself to be open in relation to those I see leading in order to learn from them and thus, be able to apply and live it within my life.


I commit myself to support those ones that lead, because in doing so I would be applying and living the principle of equality, which means that by the time I am leading, I would like to be supported as well, therefore it’s me the one that must give that step forward first in order to become a living example.