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Distrust (Day 153)


Some days ago I was talking with an individual and within the conversation I started kind of ‘showing off’ by saying that people are very easy to be persuaded/manipulated. This person said “I bet you can’t manipulate me” and I said “I already did it lol”.

Then this person said “You know, males are so easy to be cheated/fooled, they do not even realize when women do it”.

After some minutes, we were in a different room and this person’s body language, specifically; facial expression was one of suspicion, so I asked “Why that face? It’s like a suspicious face”. At first this person wasn’t aware of her gestures, because it happened on an unconscious level, so when I asked “Is everything okay?”, they said “yeah”. Then, this person opened up and said that actually they felt insecure in relation to me, like they didn’t know whether to believe/trust in me or not - and in that moment I realized that I had placed a seed on this person's mind; a seed that somehow activated within them a sense of insecurity.

The next day, the same happened to me, where insecurity started emerging within my solar plexus by remembering the statement they said with regards to how easy is for males to be fooled/cheated by females without them even noticing it. So, a similar experience popped up with me, through the memory of this person’s words. Distrust built up within myself and it was an experience within which I remained almost the whole evening. So, every time I noticed an energetic movement within myself, I applied self-forgiveness in order to release the energy and thus, be back here; grounded, stable, and comfortable in my physical body - and it worked, because it helped me calm myself down and be able to enjoy my expression here.

What I realized is that in the very moment we were talking, I didn’t even notice how the words both were sharing were in any way supportive, because at least in my case, it was all energy-based, because I was unwittingly trying to show myself as ‘more’. Like an mind game of polarity; loser / winner.

This person and I are in a process of getting to know each other, so this made realize the importance of the words one share within the process of creating effective relationships. It is very easy to end up participating in conversations where no one takes responsibility for the words being spoken - and beyond that; the consequences our words can create in people’s lives.

It is true that each one is responsible for the way one feel and experience oneself within, but we also have the chance to whether use our words to contribute or attack - it’s up to us. And this is what I realized, that the words spoken were spiteful and harmful.

After that, I noticed that ‘I wasn’t feeling the same’; meaning, I went with thoughts such us “I bet this will not be the same again” - and my expression was actually not being the same and I struggled with it a bit, because I wasn’t fully comfortable as an output of the aforementioned words that were said.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in energy-based conversations where the starting point is feeding ego instead of mutual support in order to create an effective communication and effective relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within energy-based conversations want to present myself as a ‘powerful man’ that can control, manipulate and persuade others - without seeing, realizing and understanding that that’s not actually what I want for me, because that’s not best for me nor best for all, because in manipulating others, I am actually deceiving myself in a mind trap of ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to present myself as a ‘powerful man’, because I fear being seen as vulnerable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have charged the word ‘vulnerable’ negatively, as a synonym of ‘weak’ - without seeing, realizing and understanding that being vulnerable can be re-defined in order to be lived as openness - where I don’t fear exposing myself, because I realize that in changing the approach of the word, others - through my vulnerability - could see me as who I am in my expression as one and equal. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to - through a memory of the words that were said - have activated Distrust within myself by thinking and believing that X is a liar that is going to hurt me - without seeing, realizing and understanding that no one can hurt another person unless oneself accept it and allow it, because we are not talking about physical pain, therefore, it’s an ego-based pain.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the Distrust activated within myself because of the memories of past relationships where people lied to me and then, I went through ‘tough moments’ in my life where I didn’t want to trust anyone anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have projected the past into my present by placing my past experiences onto X by generalizing the fear of being lied irrationally through imagination. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have felt the distrust as insecurity within my solar plexus and then, remaining there until I realized that I have the tools of self-forgiveness, self-corrective statements and self-commitments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that every new human being I am getting to know is a new opportunity to learn from myself and from them and that I can use that opportunity to enhance the skills of both of us through supporting each other in order to become the best version of ourselves and become the change we want to see in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by another person’s words and this - within myself - creating the perception of “This won’t be the same again”, and thus, becoming uncomfortable in my interaction with them, because I perceived the relationship as being ‘fractured’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get distracted from my expression when being shifted into the mind by the experience of distrust when remembering what happened and what could happen next through using memories and future projections through imagination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that Trust - which is the opposite of Distrust - is something that is achievable through another person - without, seeing, realizing and understanding that the distrust experience within myself is an indicator that shows that there are still some dimensions in relation to self-trust that require direction within myself, because there are subtle moments where by unwittingly participating in energy, I go into separation.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself speaking based on energy, where I want to present myself as a ‘powerful man’ that can control others, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that in doing that that, I am deceiving myself in an ego trap, plus, it’s within myself where I have to start living the word control as a supportive expression of myself, especially when it comes to the words I want to share, because if I cannot control myself and just rant, then I am becoming only a puppet of ego where I move within and as polarity without being able to really express myself as life.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I notice myself trying to present myself as a ‘powerful man’ that can control others.

I commit myself to stop explore the word control in order to make it a supportive expression of myself instead perpetuating it as a delivery of unaware toxic words as contaminated seeds that are installed in other people’s consciousness.

I commit myself to become more aware of the words I communicate when I talk with other beings.

When and as I see myself going into Distrust because of what was said by another person, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that Distrust was built within myself, therefore, it is my responsibility to address it and correct it, because the only way I can experience Distrust is if it resonates within myself, therefore, it’s me the one who has to explore myself in relation to the dimensions that require direction when it comes to developing self-trust.

I commit myself to continue exploring this point of Distrust and Insecurity, because this is a gift that was presented to me for me to correct myself and thus, become the best version of me.

I commit myself to stop looking for trust in others.

I commit myself to become trust and thus, instead of looking for it, I am the one who contributes with trust as an unconditional expression of myself in every moment.

When and as I see myself feeling Distrust and Insecurity in my solar plexus after an energy-based conversation where a seed of Doubt was installed within my mind system, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that this emotional experience is caused by the past as memories where people cheated on me and lied to me and also, future projection through imagination where I see the new person that came to my world doing the same that people from the past did.

I commit myself to stop projecting the past into my present.

I commit myself to stop projecting into the future through imagination.

I commit myself to approach every new human being with any burden fro the past.

I commit myself to express myself in relation to others, as I would like them to express themselves towards me.

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