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Energy-Based Relationships (Day 158)


Today I woke up with this feeling of loss, like I ‘had’ something that I was somehow losing. I realized that it’s energy. It’s the positive energy that I have been unconsciously creating within myself by spending time with X.

The way this came up was as fear; fear of losing, but more specifically, fear of not being ‘loved’ or that everything that X could possibly develop as energy towards myself was decaying. So, in the back of my mind, there was this idea that in order for me to be 'loved'/'liked', I required some energy.

I have realized that this emotional shifts happen when I believe in my thoughts when I am alone or when I judge what X shares with me. These shifts happen very fast and I realize that I activate the pattern but I become aware of it once already being in the emotional reaction.

When this happens, I tend to go “This is not gonna work. They are not feeling the same. They are faking it. This is only a game”, when actually the one that is participating in a game it's me, because I am the one who is giving all my power away to the mind for it to determine who I am and how I am.

Another dimension that I have observed is the one related to comparing words/commitments v/s Actions; specifically honoring words, because I think and believe that decisions will be influenced by the way one feel and as I wouldn’t like that to happen, I go into fear and then, kind of accepting that “Ok, this is happening. It’s ending”, as though it really something 'bad' happened, when actually it’s only an experience that only existing in a quantum dimension, but influencing who I am and how I am in the physical.

I want to make sure that energy is not interfering in the way I express myself. I don’t want energy to influence my decisions. I don’t want to participate in a volatile love experience that goes into ups and downs depending on how I feel. I want my words, decisions and commitments to be the foundation of my expression regardless the way I feel. I want to become the directive principle and not accept and allow my mind to tell me who I am and how I am.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought “A bit of positive energy is not too bad, because relationships require that in order to become more intimate/closer”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I depend on energy in order to create something, the foundation of the relationship is unstable, because energy can’t last forever; it moves up and down without a real direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have lost something when the energy is not there, without realizing that I have not lost anything, I am still here and there’s no way I can lose myself as my physical body -  and that it’s my mind the one that requires energy, that’s why thoughts and experiences emerge in order to keep my mind busy, moving myself from positive to negative, like a ping pong game. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to understand that decisions must not be made when participating in ups or downs of energy, because in that experience, everything seems so good or so bad, that we forget the practicality of what we are agreeing to do, plus if decisions are made upon energy, the only way I am going to honor my word will be when I feel that same energy, therefore, if he same energy is not there, one can utilize that fact as an excuse in order to not honor the words and end up in self-manipulation and inconsequence. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions dictate how I must behave, without realizing that I have the power to embrace my mind, understand these mechanisms and thus, stop my participation in the cycles that keep me unchanged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have trusted energy for so many years in order to create relationships, without realizing that that was the very cause that created my previous relationships to end, because “If I don’t feel the same, then we must break up”, without realizing that “Not feeling the same” is the mind/ego speaking, it’s not me as the being and all the potential I can develop in order to effectively address the problems that emerge in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to be able to ignite a sort of positive energy in other people so they can decide to be with me, without realizing that in wanting that, I am unwittingly wanting to create relationships of ego where there’s a lack of real substance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved by energy when experiencing ups and downs, without understanding that I am accepting and allowing that shit to control me, instead of breathing in and breathing out, drop the energy and move on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I participate in ups and downs of energy, I am creating my own trap where my real and genuine self-expression is suppressed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become distant and isolated when there’s no positive energy, because I end up crossed in my expression, trapped in my mind by participating in imagination and what ifs that I literally become like a zombie with no clear direction, but only seeking for positive energy in the things I do to kind of suppress that mind state by trying to forget about it as though that was the real solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to ‘miss someone’ in order to really ’love’ them, because I think and believe that if I do not miss them, then I am not really in love or that I am not really interested, without realizing that in doing so, I am only dosing energy, I am playing with energy so as to have it exactly when and where I want it, when actually if I want to be with someone that has to be a DECISION where there’s no room for the mind and its energetic ups and downs to influence my expression and my decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become obsessed with wanting things to work out, without realizing that in doing so, I am forcing it, without letting it unfold naturally and spontaneously. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have control so I can make sure everything works fine, without seeing, realizing and understanding that the only real control is self-control, where I do not accept and allow my mind system to influence my expression and decisions. 

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself thinking “A bit of positive energy is not too bad, because relationships require that in order to become more intimate/closer”, I stop and breathe. I realize that feelings and emotions will be there, but the key is to understand how and why they are being created in the first place, so I can stop them. I also realize that what relationships require in order to be effective is communication. First, starting off with a self-honest communication with self and then, the communication among all the participants involved.

I commit myself to stop thinking and believing that relationships require positive energy in order to become real.

I commit myself to place the focus on communication when I am creating relationships with other individuals

When and as I see myself thinking, believing and perceiving that I have lost something because I don’t feel the positive energy as I used to, I stop and breathe. I realize that there’s no way I can lose what is real; me as the human physical body - and that the only one that is losing is ego, because ego depends on energy to be able to exist.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I think, believe and perceive that I am losing something.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am here as the physical and that I still have the power to create my own creation as the creator that I am.

When and as I see myself making decisions based on energy, I stop and breathe. I realize that if such decisions are made from energy, then the only way I am going to honor my word, will be only IF I feel the same, therefore, what I need when making decisions is being grounded, stable here, no participation in my mind, so I can make a real decision based on Who I am as the physical in common sense. 

I commit myself to stop and breathe when wanting to make a decision based on energy.

I commit myself to ground myself here when I am going to make a decision.

I commit myself to make decisions based on common sense.

When and as I see myself trusting in energy to determine whether my relationships are real or not, I stop and breathe. I realize that energy is not unconditional, because it only lasts so long, therefore, if I want to create relationships that are real and that can go through time, I have to stop my participation in the mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions and be able to see reality for what it is without the eyes of the mind interfering. 

I commit myself to stop trusting energy to tell me whether my relationships are real or not.

I commit myself to trust my ability to explore myself in self-honesty as the tools of self-writing and self-forgiveness to see my inner reality for what it is.

When and as I see myself becoming distant and isolated when I do not feel the same positive energy I was used to, I stop and breathe. I realize that in that very moment I am making my expression dependent on energy. Therefore, I am not actually living, but only following a programming.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I perceive that there’s no energy so as to bring myself back here and remind myself that I am still here breathing and that I have myself as my best partner/support.

I commit myself to sound self-forgiveness when participating in the experience of loss when not feeling the same positive energy that I was feeling before.

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that I must ‘miss’ someone in order to really get to love them, I stop and breathe. I realize that in doing so, I am only participating in a belief, because missing someone should not be a reason to decide to be with someone or not, because what it really matters is the decision, regardless the energy you experience. Plus, when you miss someone is because that thing you miss from the other person, it’s something that you are not living for yourself as One - and you are only achieving it through the other person, which means one thing; separation.

I commit myself to stop believing that I must miss someone in order to decide whether I like/love them or not.

I commit myself to explore the word ‘miss’ and the word ‘love’ in posts to come. 

When and as I see myself wanting control in the things I do in order to have the best possible outcome, I stop and breathe. I realize that the same desire for control is creating an obsession that in any way is supportive, because everything ends up in forcing what I have in my mind towards reality instead of embracing every moment as it comes.

I commit myself to stop wanting to have control to make things work the best possible.

I commit myself to embrace every moment as it comes.


I commit myself to be the directive principle in every moment.

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