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What Stops Me From Writing? [Day 179]

It’s been a while since the last time I wrote a blog. I have been having ideas about what to write, but they have only ended up as such; only ideas in my mind. So, here I would like to stop thinking about writing and start writing about this point in order to address it.
I have been identifying fear of not being able to write something ‘interesting’ or that it can somehow represent how I have been working on myself, plus comparing myself with others that I see expanding themselves while judging myself as ‘stuck’ and not working towards developing my utmost potential.
So, I am going to write down some Self-Forgiveness statements about this experience within myself, because it does not support me really.
Self-Forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the fear of not being able to write an 'interesting post', without realizing that my process is not about being interesting, but self-honest instead.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and …

Part II: Realizations Through Learning How to Read Tarot Cards [Day 178]

Two days ago I met some friends and we started a Tarot Reading Session. One of them is a friend who also knows how to do Tarot Readings, even before I got involved in it. He asked me to do him a Tarot Reading and when I was interpreting, I felt emotional energy coming up within myself. I judged myself as ‘not good enough’, I thought that my friend thought that I wasn’t accurate or that the words that I was expressing were ‘too poor’ and that he could see more than what I was able to see in the cards. In a nutshell, I felt inferior.

Then, I focused on what I was doing instead of listening to my backchats, but I still felt the emotional energy for a while, until I felt more comfortable and the energy was gone, but still feeling a bit insecure, like wanting a feedback from him to tell me whether he thought I was good or not.
Then, the other guy said that the information I was sharing from the cards was ‘Deep’ and then, my friend agreed, so there, I started feeling better, like ‘accepted’ …

Realizations Through Learning How to Read Tarot Cards [Day 177]

Lately, I have been learning how to do Tarot readings. It’s been a month now and there are some realizations within it so far.
But before that, I would like to share why I decided to learn this. The reason is because I like learning new and different things. The process of learning to do Tarot readings requires lots of studying/reading/investigating and of course; practice. So, I have been using it to enhance my mind skills in terms of memory. Plus, I like learning on my own; I have my own pace, I write down the meaning of each card, I take some information from here and there, in other words, I lead my own learning process, which is awesome.
The first thing that I realized is that I have to be careful with the words I speak when doing Tarot readings. For instance, in a Tarot reading someone got the Devil card and at that moment I had learned that that card has multiple meanings and one of them defines someone that is not self-honest.

So, when this person got that card - which was descr…

Part II: Blaming My Partner [Day 176]

Read Part One Here

Today I realized that there are certain situations where I react angrily within myself and that make me communicate ineffectively. Today I was talking to my partner and she didn’t understand what I was saying. The context was getting out of a supermarket and moving forward to my car. So, it wasn’t a quiet place.
When we were getting out of the supermarket, they have some sort of security panels that make a sound when people walk through it and it makes a beep sound when a product is being robbed. So, when we came in, it sounded, but as we hadn’t bought anything, we just ignored it. Probably the machine sounded because my partner was wearing something metallic that was recognized as a 'stolen product' by the supermarket machine thing.
We just bought a cake lol - another one, yeah - so when we were leaving the supermarket the machine sounded, but I said “Don’t pay attention to it, let’s continue walking”, while she asked “Why did it sound?” And I said “Sometimes …

Blaming My Partner [Day 175]

After reading Gian’s post, I was inspired to have a look at a recent point in my life that I was facing in relation to my agreement with my partner. This is not necessarily about cheating on her — I haven’t done that so far. But this has to do with a point with regards to cheating on myself in my agreement which also manifests consequences within the agreement. So, here’s what I have to share.

People tend to be in certain ways and there is the tendency to label them with an adjective and its definition encompasses what the person represents through what we observe in their behavior. In the case of my partner, she is - and we talk about this as something just funny - clueless. She forgets where she leaves things. It has happened that I borrowed her something and she forgot where it is, she says she does not know where it is, but in the end she had it all the time with her lol.

The thing is that I integrated within my mind the belief that every time something was lost it was because s…

Mr. Nice [Day 174]

I read a conversation between two people where they were talking about me. Person A was sharing a ‘problem’ that had had with me, while Person B was judged by me as Mr. Nice, because they were not supporting Person A, but adding more to the problem. What I mean by ‘adding more’ = no practical support, but continue talking about the same thing, without a solution, but only supporting Person A’s words without questioning them.

What I didn’t like was that for instance Person A was saying stuff like “He said/did this and that, fuck him”, while Person B went “Yes, that’s too bad,he is wrong, I understand what you are going through. Fuck him”, without even knowing me in person, without even talking to me once at least. So, I went within myself “This person thinks they know me? Plus, Person A’s arguments were an interpretation of the events, so Person B was basically reacting to Person A’s reaction. That’s why I say it was not supportive, but reactive.
Why did I judge Person B as ‘Mr. Nice’? …