martes, 13 de junio de 2017

Do You Fear Speaking in Public? [Day 171]


There was a moment where I had to speak in front of people where I don’t usually talk much and I noticed some changes in my body that became as an obstacle for me to express myself.

Despite working as a teacher and having to speak in front of students and parents, there are moments where when having to speak I feel uncomfortable in my physical body. That day I noticed how my heart started beating faster, like a rush of adrenaline. Due to being accelerated physically, I could not articulate some words effectively and I had to stop for a quick moment, repeat again the words correctly and continue, but while doing this, I suddenly lost the thread of what I was saying, I made a quick sort of conclusion, but I could have explained myself better if I didn’t lose the point of what I was saying.

It was like when rapping or singing freestyle, it’s perfect when it rhymes, but sometimes you miss the word that rhymes so you can’t continue rapping. But it is different when I write it down first, because when I write it down, the ideas are more organized, so I can go step by step while seeing physically all the words that I am putting together. However, in real time it is a different story.

I guess it requires some more practice, because the only way of becoming good or better at something is to continue trying and learning from each and every mistake while not judging ourselves in the process.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become anxious and physically reacting with my heart beating faster when wanting to share myself in front of other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have pictured within my mind how I wanted my message to sound and be presented through providing different examples and moving my hands in different ways, but when noticing it was turning out a bit differently I judged myself that’s why I lost the point of what I was sharing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge what I want to share as ‘freaky’, ‘too much’, ‘weird’, and 'ridiculous', as though other people were going to think that I am such words/adjectives/labels.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get lost in how I want to sound and simultaneously keeping my mind busy with that reference in my mind, without realizing that in doing that, I am not fully aware here in the physical while I am speaking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to convince people through what I am saying, that’s why when I see and judge the way they are looking at me as “you are making all those nonsense ideas up, you do not sound credible” I get lost, because the reference of how I wanted to sound in my mind creates friction through judging others and myself at the same time while not seeing the mind reference and the reality reference aligned as expected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have reacted with positive backchat about myself after I shared myself, where the inner voice was “They are getting to know how smart you are”, while eventually the frustration within and as the negative backchat afterwards went “If I didn’t become anxious, I could have given more sense to what I was saying and they would have understood my point better. I didn’t explain myself enough to activate inner realizations in others”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have wanted to be someone that activates realizations in others by charging myself positively, without realizing that to share myself effectively, I do not require the creation of energy to give me direction, because I get lost instead of making sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tough with myself by judging myself for not being able to speak in front of others as I wish or as I do it when I write or as the reference as the expectation that I previously create within my mind system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not being able to slow my heart beating down and react thinking “I can’t control this. This has power over me”, without seeing, realizing and understanding that it’s not common for me to share myself in front of other people, that’s why I am making mistakes, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t improve and enhance my speaking skills in social contexts. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have desired to get the approval and acceptance of those who always speak in front of others, because in seeing their approval and acceptance, I would feel supported by them, without realizing that the first support that must exist is self-support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it is not about gaining people’s approval and acceptance, but to be able to be clearly understood, especially when sharing solutions and common sense through being stable and grounded within myself.

Self-Corrective & Self-Commitment Statements

When and as I see myself reacting with my heart beating faster before having to speak in front of other people in social contexts where I am not used to speak and I become so anxious that I miss the point of what I am saying, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am becoming anxious because I want to manifest that positive reference that I have in my mind as an expectation while forgetting about my physical body, such as the way I am sitting down, the way I am breathing, the way my shoulders are standing, my back and face, etc - and if I was to be self-aware enough of my physical body, I could support myself in delivering a message from a stable and grounded source, which is my physical body.

I commit myself to practice body self-awareness through paying attention to the way I am sitting or standing, the way I am breathing when having to speak and I become anxious.

I commit myself to apply quantum self-forgiveness in such moments where I become anxious before speaking in front of other people as a way to support myself in clearing myself before speaking.

I commit myself to name the energy that I feel in such moments so I can then work on it in order to enhance my speaking skills for the next time without the interference of thoughts, feelings and emotions.

When and as I see myself charging myself positively with a mental reference of how I want to sound when sharing myself in front of other people in social contexts, I stop and breathe. I realize that I need a practical mind where I can quick organize the points that I want to share in order to make more sense, but charging the reference positively as an expectation before speaking will inevitable cause the complete opposite, that’s why I end up judging myself, judging others and missing the point.


I commit myself to organize myself in my mind by having a clear starting point of support when sharing myself where the words I share are more important than the positive energy I want to get through trying to manifest the positivity of my expectation within mind in my physical reality.

When and as I see myself reacting with positive backchat after I shared myself in front of other people in social contexts, I stop and breathe. I realize that I do not need the positive backchat to feed an egotistical personality of superiority, because in doing that I lose the point of support, because what it becomes more important is the ego instead of the words I express as support within a point.

I commit myself to stop the positive backchat when I catch myself feeding the superior character within myself after I have shared myself in front of other people in social contexts.

I commit myself to focus in commonsensical support when sharing myself in front of other people in social contexts.

When and as I see myself judging myself as ‘weird’, ‘freaky’, ‘too much’ or 'ridiculous' when I speak in front of other people in social contexts, I stop and breathe. I realize that in doing that I am being tough with myself, because I am projecting my own self-judgments towards others and reflecting them back to myself as a sort of bullying that functions as self-sabotage, without understanding that the focus should be placed upon how to enhance the support I am sharing in order to reach others and plant a seed of genuine assistance and support as I have done with myself.

I commit myself to support myself by understanding that I can enhance my speaking skills through a process of practice and identifying elements that can be improved within my speech in order to express myself clearer and thus, assist and support others with my realizations.

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