Mr. Nice [Day 174]

I read a conversation between two people where they were talking about me. Person A was sharing a ‘problem’ that had had with me, while Person B was judged by me as Mr. Nice, because they were not supporting Person A, but adding more to the problem. What I mean by ‘adding more’ = no practical support, but continue talking about the same thing, without a solution, but only supporting Person A’s words without questioning them.

What I didn’t like was that for instance Person A was saying stuff like “He said/did this and that, fuck him”, while Person B went “Yes, that’s too bad,  he is wrong, I understand what you are going through. Fuck him”, without even knowing me in person, without even talking to me once at least. So, I went within myself “This person thinks they know me? Plus, Person A’s arguments were an interpretation of the events, so Person B was basically reacting to Person A’s reaction. That’s why I say it was not supportive, but reactive.

Why did I judge Person B as ‘Mr. Nice’? Because I have learned that when you support someone that comes into you telling you a problem, the idea is to guide them and support them as you have supported yourself, but it is not about ranting and raving about that ‘bad person’ that did/said something ‘horrible’. It’s not about agreeing with all you say, because if someone is asking me for perspective and I notice that they are attaching themselves to ideas and beliefs that limit their seeing, I do my best in explaining them, so they can pierce that veil of interpretation in order to be able to see clearly and really supporting them. It’s not about supporting them so they can think that I am nice or a good person or a good friend.

Actually, the ones that I consider true friends are people that have walked with me for several years and when they see me doing something that is not cool, they immediately approach me and start questioning my behavior. They don’t go “yes, I totally agree with you, you are right, they are wrong, so come here with me and see me as a good person”.

Now - I am able to identify Mr. Nice, because I have played that role too, especially in relation to girls. For instance when they have shared their problems with their partners with me in the past, I remember not even caring about supporting them, but instead making them feel good and comfortable, so once they see me as a good person, they trust me, I take advantage, meaning acting nice and then have a sort of sexual intercourse if possible, kind of implicitly saying “Your partner is a fool. Stay with me instead, because I am Mr. Nice and I understand you. I am all that you’re partner is not, so prefer me, because I am better than him”. 

Within this field, I dare to say that behind those ‘good intentions’ there is an erect penis. It is a mask. Mr. Nice acts like that because he wants sex by persuading you and obtaining your trust, so be careful. Mr. Nice also feels lonely and thinks that he deserves more and that people do not value him, because they are not able to see all the potential that exists within him. Mr. Nice thinks he has the answer. He thinks that he does everything well, but people are bad. Mr. Nice also judges himself and has developed ways in which they can persuade people and thus, make them believe that he is nice. Mr. Nice thinks “if that/those girls could ever see within me, they would fall in love with me, because they could realize that I am better than all those good looking guys that are empty inside. Unfortunately, I am not that hot, but I am hot within myself as my true essence”.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger within myself when reading what Mr. Nice was saying about me, because within myself I went “They do not even know me. How dare you”, which I found was not fair nor objective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it personal when having people talking behind my back, because I do not like having people that do not know me talking about me, without realizing that this person might have not yet learned what real support is, which is something that I am personally still learning as well, so as to support common sense and avoid verbal diarrhea.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have compared myself with Mr. Nice, where I was the superior one, looking down at this person’s behavior/words, because according to me, they were only systems who believed they are self-aware while they continue deceiving themselves and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have embodied the superior persona as though I was in a higher position for having more knowledge or experience about support, without realizing that I have done the same that they did and that means that we have been in the same place, but what’s more important is what we have done to stand up and drop the persona.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that me judging that person is exactly what they have done onto me, because they were talking about me without even knowing me, while I am judging them without even knowing them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that their words are enough to have an idea of what type of person Mr. Nice is, without realizing that in that moment of anger, I was more focused on my inner reaction instead of really getting to know them through their words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to ask Person A to stop talking to Person B, because I don’t like them, without realizing that I can make suggestions about something I have observed, but once I have cleared all the point and making sure my suggestion is based on what is best for all, plus it is up to each person to decide whether you want to share yourself with someone else or not. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with fear within myself, fear of having Person A believing in Person B’s words and that they can take advantage of Person A’s naive nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged Person A as naive, only because they were involved in a situation I did not like, without realizing that they have to learn by themselves and thus, make their own decisions based on what they consider it’s the best for them. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have played the role of Mr. Nice in the past because that was the only way that I could get a female’s attention and interest, because in ‘supporting’ them, they could be able to see how smart and caring I was lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have based my words of support on self-interest instead of what is the best for all the people involved in the problem. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have desired to take advantage of someone’s vulnerability when they have shared their problems with me, because that’s the perfect moment where I can act as a sort of Super Hero that goes “Hey babe, here I am. Come with me. I am going to save you”. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Mr. Nice’s face looks good, but deep inside, Mr. Nice is evil, because he only cares about his desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have mastered Mr. Nice throughout the years in order to get what I want.

Self-Corrective & Self-Commitment Statements

When and as I see myself reacting in anger because I found out that someone was talking negative stuff about me behind my back, I stop and breathe. I realize that in this case, they do not really know me and that they are reacting to an emotional interpretation, therefore, instead of reacting, I could understand the whole spectrum and go “What they are saying is not accurate, but I am able to identify why they are reacting like that”. 

I commit myself to calm myself down through breathing and applying self-forgiveness when finding out that someone has talked negative stuff behind my back, so I can see the whole spectrum and understand, without making it personal.

When and as I see myself wanting to ask Person A to stop talking to Mr. Nice, I stop and breathe. I realize that it is Person A’s decision whether they want to talk to that person again or not, plus, it is their own personal process, because they decided to share that information with Mr. Nice and Mr. Nice only did what they could to approach the situation. Therefore, the main focus should be based on how we are solving our problems between us both instead of ranting and raving through a friend.

I commit myself to establish how support is going to be practically applied when it comes to differences or misunderstandings or problems within relationships, so I can create an agreement in relation to that, where no abuse or verbal diarrhea will be allowed, but focused on self-awareness.

When and as I see myself wanting to take advantage of someone that approaches me and tell me about their problems with their partners and I want to take advantage of that through activating the Mr. Nice Persona, I stop and breathe. I realize that maybe the other person just wants me to listen to them and that if I am going to open my mouth it has to be once I am stable and grounded in my physical body, thus, what is going to express will be me as the being and not the mind programming that acts out of self-interest.

I commit myself to support others as I have supported myself, especially in relation to the process of bringing all back to self in order to take self-responsibility.

When and as I see myself judging Person A as naive because they have talked to Mr. Nice, I stop and breathe. I realize that it is their process and they have to learn through their own experiences and I can only support them out of common sense, but not trying to impose my perspectives on them as though “I want them to be as self-aware as me”, because that is expectation and also seeing myself as a finished-process-person when actually I am still learning how to walk and each person has their own pace.

I commit myself to share how Mr. Nice manifests from the perspective of self-change as the self-awareness I have developed, but without trying to impose it on others, because that’s not how it works.