When Partners Have Similar Traits that Remind Us of Our Parents [Day 169]

I have been looking at this point where you whether consciously or unconsciously look for your parents’ traits in relationships. I’d dare to say that it happens more on the unconscious level, that’s why we sometimes wonder “Why do I always end up having a relationship with males/females that share similar traits?”.

There may be many reasons why people look for their parents in their relationships/partners, but that’s a point each one must investigate. But, in my case I have observed that I like it when partners care about me in very similar ways that my parents did, for instance when they cook for you, when they remind you about your duties, when they do things for you and even when they talk to you straight forward and tell you off for you to correct a specific behavior.

In the case of some females, I have heard that they unwittingly look for their fathers’ traits - mentally and/or physically -  in their partners, where they can feel ‘protected’ and/or ‘safe’, for instance.

I don’t personally think that this is ‘wrong’, but I realize that it can turn into a problem in terms of us not being able to become those words such as ‘protected’ or ‘safe’ by ourselves, because one may end up expecting such traits to be ‘lived’ by ourselves through partners, but in the end, we are not doing it for ourselves, which means that ‘their support’ may be abused by us and we could end up contributing more to the behaviors that are not part of our full potential instead of learning how to use our partner’s support, which means that the problem may occur when becoming dependent on them to be able to move ourselves - and if their support is not there, we won’t move ourselves, because we know that they will do it for us.

At first, when I was told “You remind me of my father” I went like “what the hell?”, but then I understood that they (partners) identified words that we unconsciously or consciously - depending on who and where you are - live that remind them of their parents, which is in essence not bad at all considering that sometimes people share similar cultural background, family dynamics, etc. that shape us, but as I mentioned before, this can create consequences that are not supportive. It’s like we believe that we are supporting them, but we are actually making things worse by feeding their patterns.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a positive experience in relation to my partners’ behaviors when they are similar to my parents’ traits, because I feel good and think “I don’t need to do this or that, because they will do it for me” or “I don’t have to address this or that yet, because they will remind me when I have to do it”, without realizing that in doing that, I am not being efficient and I am depending on someone else to move myself with regards to my duties/responsibilities in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought and felt that I no longer feel sexually attracted to my partners after they have become - according to my perception and interpretation - as my mother, because I then see them as ‘too close’, as though they were a family member - and as I do not feel or have felt attracted to family members sexually, becomes weird and difficult to me to access the sex field due to the things that are going on within my mind in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this dynamic within relationships may become addictive eventually, because once I have ‘accomplished’ to be taken care as I was when I was a child, then the sexual energy fades away and my mind will try to look for it again in another partner in order to continue feeding the same cycle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have ended relationships with partners before, because I no longer felt sexually attracted to them, without realizing that there are more choices and solutions that I can work on through self-honesty and communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have perpetuated sex as an energetic experience of attraction that functions through the way I think, perceive and interpret, without seeing, realizing and understanding that thinking, perceiving and interpreting are of the mind system, which is different to the physicality of sex, where the physical body explores the touch through different sensations.

Self-Corrective Statements & Self-Commitments

When and as I see myself creating a positive experience in relation to my partners’ behaviors when they are similar to my mother/parents, I stop and breathe. I realize that the positive energy will then be turned into negative, that’s why the negative consequences manifest within the sex field where I no longer feel sexually attracted to them.

I commit myself to stop the positive experience when partners do things for me that remind me of my mother/parents.

I commit myself to do for myself what I have to do for myself in order to move myself in relation to my duties and responsibilities.

When and as I see myself feeling, thinking, perceiving and interpreting that my partners are becoming ‘too close’ that I see/approach them as a family member, I stop and breathe. I realize that holding onto that belief and idea that I create, I am sabotaging intimacy within relationships, because the idea/belief inhibits me from going beyond.

When and as I see myself wanting to end a relationship because I think and believe that the relationship is getting ‘too close’ or ‘too intimate’ that reminds me of my relationship with my family members, I stop and breathe. I realize that this thought/belief is limiting me, because I suppress what’s going on within myself due to not daring to communicate with my partners about it.

I commit myself to deprogram through self-writing these thoughts and beliefs that emerge when I am in relationships.

I commit myself to push myself with regards to being able to express myself through communication with myself and my partners, instead of suppressing/hiding it, because that limits my own growth and expansion.

When and as I see myself ‘living’ the definition of sex as an energetic experience that dictates whether I want / I don’t want to participate in the sexual intercourse, I stop and breathe. I realize that in doing that, I am abdicating my decision and directive principle to the mind system, I am not standing as the physical as what makes me real, who I am and what I am capable of doing, which is stopping the self-definitions that I have developed through my mind programming. 

I commit myself to embrace the sexual intercourse physically through stopping my participation in the mind and focusing on what my physical body is sensing.