Deprogramming The Male Design Within Myself [Day 184]



Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate a positive experience by thinking that “I am good at persuading females to go out with me”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk to females on internet already energetically charged positively by desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good when a female is constant within our communication because I think and believe that they are manifesting interest in what’s going on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as someone who sometimes - unconsciously and some others deliberately conscious - is somehow following a sort of algorithm that starts escalating until the final outcome which is going out with a female.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at the female’s pictures on Instagram and when seeing their body, imagine within my mind that my mouth and tongue are exactly where my eyes are focused, without seeing, realizing and understanding that it’s my male’s design that is becoming aroused with a picture, but not with someone real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to masturbate to X’s pictures and wishing deep within my male design that I have sex with her when we meet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to picture within my mind having sex with X where I picture the exact place and the positions that we will choose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted that I am going to have sex with X based on her words and how she was replying to me when we where chatting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine within my mind what words I can use to ignite desire for sex within X when we meet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to picture within my mind how it would feel to grab X’s hips and make her come closer to mine.

I forgive myself that I think and believe that X is so in an ‘I don’t care’ stance that she will be open to do anything, including sex with me if/when we meet.

Self-Corrective & Self-Commitment Statements

When and as I see myself generating a positive experience by thinking that “I am good at persuading females to go out with me”, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am basing this belief and self-judgment only on the fact that lately I have been meeting more females, but that doesn’t make me special or better, because it’s simply two people meeting and sharing some time and what it really matters is what I am able to create out if each moment, beyond trying to limit myself with labels that give me the illusion of superiority, power and confidence.

I commit myself to stop labelling/self-judging myself positively in relation to females. 

When and as I see myself talking to females on the internet already energetically charged positively by desire, I stop and breathe. I realize that it’s not me who is deciding to talk to someone, but my male design, my programming, therefore, I am just following my domestication instead of releasing all that charge and see a more self-honest starting point as to why I am talking to someone in the first place.

I commit myself to stop and breathe before wanting to talk to a female so as to assess myself first before manifesting something and see what’s best for that moment in self-honesty.

When and as I see myself feeling good when a female is constant within our communication because I think and believe that they are manifesting interest in what’s going on, I stop and breathe. I realize that yes, they may be interested, but that does not necessarily mean that they want to have sex with me, therefore, I should not be making my starting point towards having sex an energetic experience as the trigger, because again; that would be automated behavior instead of real and genuine self-expression which can be way better than just programming. 

I commit myself to stop believing that a female that is constant within our communication does so because she wants to have sex with me.

When and as I see myself judging myself as someone who sometimes - unconsciously and some others deliberately conscious - is somehow following a sort of algorithm that starts escalating until the final outcome which is going out with a female and get my award/orgasmic experience, I stop and breathe. I realize that yes, as my behavior is sex-based, the underlying layer within this point is the desire for an orgasmic experience, therefore, it will escalate, because that’s how orgasmic behavior functions - to the climax. 

I commit myself to continue exploring and expanding on my orgasmic behavior so as to find solutions for myself where I can behave free from any design/programming - to the climax of my Potential. 

When and as I see myself looking at a female’s pictures on Instagram, looking at her body and then going into my mind where I imagine that my mouth and tongue are exactly where my eyes are focused, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that it’s my male design that is becoming aroused with a picture, but not with someone real, therefore, I am expressing myself sexually through the mind/programming and not as genuine self-expression.

I commit myself to apply self-forgiveness when I see myself fantazising with a female while looking at her pictures.

I commit myself to step by step push myself to deprogram myself from this design so I can stop existing in the mind programming and thus, become more physical/real.

When and as I see myself masturbating to X's pictures and wishing deep within my male design that I have sex with her when we meet, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am basing all my experience on a sort of expectation mixed up with desire — all programming-based — seeing that person only as an object that help me reach my orgasmic experience.

I commit myself to stop masturbating to pictures of females that have agreed to go out with me.

I commit myself to release all expectations and embrace the moment when I go out with females and see what happens instead of forcing the situation to get an outcome out of self-interest.

When and as I see myself picturing within my mind having sex with X where I imagine the exact place and the positions that we will choose, I stop and breathe. I realize that all that I am creating within myself is a sort of xxx movie where I get all this positive energy and desire for an orgasmic experience, instead of realizing that yes, it can be interesting to use our creativity and imagination to come up with ideas, but I don’t know that person that well and I can’t take for granted anything.

I commit myself to remove the sex from my mind when I already agreed to go out with a female, because all of that is non-existent, it’s not real, but a possibility as hundreds of other possibilities and probabilities that can take place; it’s not necessary to create expectations, but embrace the moment.

When and as I see myself taking for granted that I am going to have sex with X based on her words and how nice she was replying to me, I stop and breathe. I realize that we never mentioned the word ‘sex’ within our communication, therefore, it’s me the one who is placing that ‘sex filter’ on her 'apparent intentions' -- it’s actually my desires projected towards her and then they are reflected back to self = my own trap that I have to release myself from. 

I commit myself to stop believing that when a female replies to my messages in a ‘nice manner’ means that they want to have sex with me.

I commit myself to stop being nice towards females while at the back of my mind there is a secret agenda. 

When and as I see myself imagining within my mind what words I can use to ignite desire for sex within X when we meet, I stop and breathe. I realize that at that very moment I am embodying a personality, because I am thinking about how I am going to behave, what clothes I am going to wear, what jokes I can make, without actually being present here to embrace the moment simply breathing and becoming aware that I can choose to be me and free myself from any limiting personality that compromise my expression.

I commit myself to stop embodying personalities before meeting someone.

I commit myself to continue working on how I can be just myself without the necessity to use personalities to do so.

When and as I see myself picturing within my mind how it would feel to grab X’s hips and make her come closer to mine, I stop and breathe. I realize it’s my desire that it’s taking the form of thoughts and images within my mind where the more I imagine stuff, the closer I am to the orgasmic experience/climax -- all based on porn content that is stored within my mind as memory.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I go into imaginations where I picture how I would interact physically with someone and then, to do something physical that grounds me so I can become stable and free from my mind programming/design.

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that X is so in an ‘I don’t care’ stance that she will be open to do anything, including sex with me if/when we meet, I stop and breathe. I realize that I wanted to interpret her words as such, but she never said anything related to it, therefore, again; I am projecting what exists within my mind system and only seeing what I want to see, which is equal to being blinded from a commonsensical approach. 

I commit myself to stop projecting my desires towards the females that I talk to when we are going out and also to stop believing the things that I see but don't exist beyond my own mind.

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