Problems Within Communication [Day 183]


A couple of weeks ago I participated in a conversation with a friend who is currently playing with me in a short-termed band. This band; which is a friends trio started playing without having a clear starting point more than gathering as friends and expressing ourselves through music in real time. Then, we started including some other songs and so on and it was working well as such.

As I am singing in that band, plus I am learning how to play the piano, that means that I have to learn two things; the lyrics and the piano patterns, therefore I came up with this idea that we could play more songs, practice them and finally play them live at some bar downtown next month. But, to make that process shorter, I thought that we could play songs that I already know the lyrics of, so I would only have to learn 1 thing; the piano line for each song. 

The problem happened when I verbalized that idea. I was in the car with one of my bandmates and I told him about my idea and he agreed. He immediately contacted the third member to tell him about my idea, but he didn’t agree, because he does not enjoy playing too many songs of only one band, which is something that I understand, because my idea consisted of playing only songs from a band I like a lot. So, as he didn't agree, we asked another drummer to join us and this guy agreed, so we are currently playing with a ‘new member’ which is someone that I have known for many years within the music field/local scene.

So, the problem that I identify above is that I trusted in the way ‘they’ communicated through chat before changing our first drummer. I mean, I never read what words my friend used to ask him whether he wanted to play cover songs or not. I realized that he never knew about my starting point which was like a new direction but with a goal which to me it was learning more about the piano and being able to play live songs that I know and  making our process quicker and easier. 

I was suggested to have a look at that point, because maybe I should have mentioned my idea in front of everyone to make sure that they all know my starting point. And it makes sense, because what I had in mind was a proposal and that should include all participants involved in the band; they all have to listen to the source where the idea come from, which is the person who came up with the idea/project.

I also placed myself in the shoes of the guy that we ‘kicked out’ for ‘not aligning with the majority’ and as I know him for over 15 years now, I know or maybe I believe that I know that it’s something that won’t affect him emotionally on a deeper level or maybe yes, but our relationship as friends continues being the same, like no one takes it personal. But, when I realized that I could have been better within the communication point, I couldn’t help feeling guilty within myself, because yeah, I would like to listen to a proposal from the very source where the idea was generated, so there are no or minimal misunderstandings and the information/input is experienced by me in person and no one can come and tell me their interpretations and subjectivity about it. 

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider all the participants to be present to make a proposal where I share the ‘why’ behind the idea as my starting point to be open to hear everyone’s feedback in real time, because I unconsciously excluded someone by being possessed energetically by the idea which manifested as a rush, like wanting my idea to soon take  a physical shape.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by the anxiety and desire for control when in a rush or a ’lack of patience’ opened up my mouth and spoke my idea without considering everyone but my own self-interest. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get confused and not being able to find and establish a clear difference between self-honesty and self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blinded by self-interest as this positive experience that I form as expectations and desire, because in my mind it all looks oh so possible and perfect. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create scenarios where I unconsciously treat others not in the exact way that I would like to be treated, because everyone wants to be considered, I’d like to be considered, but I am not creating that as my expression, therefore, it’s non existent. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to unconsciously create sub groups where there is this new ‘intimacy’ where one can gossip about other participants.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my experience on the thought that ‘He doesn’t want to align to us, then it’s his problem’ and use it as an excuse and justification to manipulate myself instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I could have been much better in my communication, but I didn’t see it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to first see ‘their fault’ and remain in that experience instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I go first; meaning that the first check in should be oneself in order to make sure that I am stable here, present, grounded and focused on common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in dynamics/habits/behaviors that do not contribute to creating what is best for all, but only self-interest and manipulation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty within myself when realizing that I could have been much better in my communication, because I pictured within myself that the one that got ‘rejected’ felt bad within himself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into ego battles where I imagine that I tell the ‘rejected bandmate’: “if you do not adapt to us, then, you are fucked, because that’s how things work. It’s like when you are kids and you are asked by another kid ‘do you wanna play?’ and you say yes or no, and this time it’s YOU the one who does not want to play with us. Plus I am on vacation and the time we have as a band is limited since I will leave hometown soon”, where I try to convince myself that I had done the ‘right thing’, without realizing that my communication was the problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a ‘bad friend’ by not considering someone by making him physical part in real time when sharing my proposal. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with other bands where I have seen them being a cool team where they consider and respect each other through their actions when playing live that I have observed, where afterwards I go “I am not that good. I wish I was a better person”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as ‘cold’ and 'cruel' and that I unconsciously hurt people’s feelings through the way I behave by not considering all when I express myself, because I get lost in self-interest as the positive experience that ignites within myself and I speak my mind without first assessing my expression and making sure that I am here. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as blind for not being able to see by myself that I didn’t consider all within the conversation and having someone else showing it to me. 

Self-Corrective & Self-Commitment Statements

When and as I see myself not including all the participants to be present to make a proposal where I share the ‘why’ behind the idea as my starting point to be open to hear everyone’s feedback in real time, I stop and breathe. I realize that first, there’s no need to be in a rush, I can calm myself down and wait until we are all together, second, I wouldn’t like to be excluded and third, I would like to listen to an idea from the original source.

I commit myself to share my proposals in front of all participants when working in groups so we all can work on that point and make it better, adjust it, create agreements so everyone’s cool with it. 

When and as I see myself being possessed by the anxiety and desire for control when in a rush or a ’lack of patience’ I open up my mouth and want to speak up my idea, I stop and breathe. I realize that I might not be considering everyone but my own self-interest. 

I commit myself to stop and breathe when wanting to speak out of emotions/feelings so I can ground myself and be able to consider more aspects that I am taking for granted or simply ignoring. 

When and as I see myself getting confused and not being able to find and establish a clear difference between self-honesty and self-interest, I stop and breathe. I realize that I have the tools to investigate for myself and differentiate self-interest from self-honesty — because it’s in my body where I can sense whether there are emotions and feelings involved.

I commit myself to use my body as support when checking how am I in my body in relation to energies that can compromise my expression in the physical. 

When and as I see myself being blinded by self-interest as this positive experience where I form expectations and desire, because in my mind it all looks oh so possible and perfect, I stop and breathe. I realize that yes, it’s cool to come up with new ideas/projects but the less energy there is involved, the more serious it becomes; serious meaning; real, genuine, grounded, firm. 

I commit myself to use my imagination to come up with ideas but work on developing more ways to express my creativity while being grounded here and not possessed by positive energy. 

When and as I see myself creating scenarios where I unconsciously treat others not in the exact way that I would like to be treated, I stop and breathe. I realize that the change is up to me, because I am able to create more consideration through the way that I express myself.

I commit myself to consider everyone involved through my expression by including them and treating them as I would like to be treated in all ways. 

When and as I see myself unconsciously creating sub groups where there is this new ‘intimacy’ where one can gossip about other participants, I stop and breathe. I realize that the sub group was created by me, because when I expressed myself in relation to something that involved everyone, I didn’t include/consider everyone, therefore, I am responsible. 

I commit myself to stop creating sub groups by not including all the participant in a conversation. 

I commit myself to stop my participation in sub groups as gossip.

I commit myself to use sub groups only as support.

When and as I see myself basing my experience on the thought that ‘He doesn’t want to align to us, then it’s his problem’ and using it as an excuse and justification to manipulate myself, I stop and breathe. I realize that every time that I am so sure about something, it’s because there is something that I might be not considering, in this case; a point within communication that can be enhanced. 

I commit myself to question my own excuses and justifications because there is likely self-manipulation secretly existing/influencing behind. 

When and as I see myself first seeing ‘their fault’ and remaining in that experience, I stop and breathe. I realize that there is something that I don’t want to look at, that’s why it’s much easier to blame it outside myself instead of being the first at deprogramming that pattern and thus, become a living example. 

I commit myself to immediately bring the point back to self when I see myself blaming others. 

When and as I see myself participating in dynamics/habits/behaviors that do not contribute to creating what is best for all, but only self-interest and manipulation, I stop and breathe. I realize that every moment counts, every word I say, every breathe is important, therefore, I am responsible and I can create the change by becoming more aware of my expression/communication.

I commit myself to continue exploring my communication and finding new ways to make it possible and better. 

When and as I see myself feeling guilty within myself when realizing that I could have been better in my communication, I stop and breathe. I realize that the guilt is not going to help me, therefore, I can learn from it and make it better next time. 

I commit myself to stop feeling guilty for my mistakes and instead, I commit myself to embrace my mistakes unconditionally so as to create solutions that consider all as one.

When and as I see myself going into ego battles where I try to convince myself that I did the ‘right thing’, I stop and breathe. I realize that if I want to convince myself that I was right and they were wrong, then, problem; I am participating in polarity instead of finding a real and practical solution. 

I commit myself to stop the ego battles where I try to win and make them lose, because beyond that egoistical dynamics, there’s the chance where we can all win.

I commit myself to investigate myself more in relation to the polarity of winner/loser to be able to get out of there and create a new approach in my expression/contribution to this world.

When and as I see myself judging myself as a ‘bad friend’ by not considering someone by making him physical part in real time when sharing my proposal, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am victimizing myself instead of starting to change myself in relation to those parts that Identify that can be enhanced. 

I commit myself to stop victimizing myself and take responsibility with regards to creating solutions to the problems I identify in my programming that compromise my expression.

When and as I see myself comparing myself to other bands where I have seen them being a cool team where they consider and respect each other through their actions when playing live that I have observed in a few bands, where afterwards I go “I am not that good. I wish I was a better person”, I stop and breathe. I realize that instead of going into self-pity, I can start becoming a band member like those by learning from their example and applying/testing it in my life.

I commit myself to apply in my life what I like from others that I see it has good results, instead of feeling bad, limiting self and doing nothing about it. 

When and as I see myself judging myself as ‘cold’ and 'cruel' and that I unconsciously hurt people’s feelings through the way I behave by not considering all when I express myself, I stop and breathe. I realize that there are some aspects in my programming that might be perceived as cold and cruel, but what it really matters is who I am in relation to those words and whether there is an unconscious pattern running behind that I am not being able to identify, but that I can enhance.

I commit myself to work on my unconscious aspects as they open up in order to take responsibility and establish who I am in relation to that.

When and as I see myself judging myself as blind for not being able to see by myself that I didn’t consider all within the conversation for having someone else showing it to me, I stop and breathe. I realize that there still are many things that I am not aware of and that it’s cool to have people in your world that can help you upen up your eyes and become better, therefore, when that takes places, it’s a new opportunity emerging to take it and make the best out of it.

I commit myself to stop judging myself for the things I am not able to see when having someone else showing it to me.


I commit myself to investigate through self-writing the points that others show to me about what they see in my expression so as to become better and enhance myself. 

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