Self-Awareness Behind Lyrics [Day 186]



Last year I started a process where I’ve been finding a way to express myself through music. 

Making music has always been easy to me, it’s like I just go with it, but the challenge I am walking now is to be able to not only make music, but also lyrics/words — ‘meaningful’ ones.

It’s like I now have all that I always needed  - gear/tools - here, like when you are on stage with a light above and it’s your chance to perform..what are you going to say? 

I have listened to many songs/artists lately and I get disappointed with the words they speak/sing. I have been re-listening to old albums as well and really, there’s only a few decent/meaningful lyrics that I would be comfortably singing today.

What I mean by 'decent' or 'meaningful' lyrics is the self-awareness; the words that I will record and sing will last forever. I will die, but the lyrics as words will be out there for other people to read/hear, so the question I ask everyone: are the words that you are saying/sharing/singing/recording decent, in terms of saying something that matters, that can help someone change perspective and thus, change their life to their utmost potential as equals? 

So, decent/meaningful lyrics would be responsible words; ‘responsible’ in terms of understanding that every word must represent who I am and what I live for.

I have lots of things to say, but I am exploring the ‘how to’, the approach is always important.

Something that has helped me walk through this is deleting self-labels and instead, opening myself up to find new ways of self-expression. For instance, I don’t want to make a music genre — at least intentionally, I just want to make music and through the realization and self-awareness behind the lyrics speak as one and as a whole blended expression.

Two days ago I went out with a pen and a notebook, I wrote down some words, I tried singing them, but I couldn’t flow as I flow with instrumental music. I didn’t like the way I sounded and the words I was singing couldn’t fit in well. I stopped, “maybe that’s not the words for that track. I can use it for another track. At least I wrote something down”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with dislike towards myself when listening to the words and vocal melody I was singing, when actually I wasn’t even trying my best. When and as I see myself reacting with dislike towards myself, I stop and breathe. I realize that there’s no need to judge myself, because I am exploring my expression, it doesn’t have to be ‘perfect’ immediately. I commit myself to not give up and push myself through this process unconditionally, no matter how fast or slow, because it’s now and here where I have this chance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop singing and tell myself “maybe that’s not the words for that track. I can use it for another one. At least I wrote something down” to justify myself in order to stop moving myself instead of trying once more. When and as I see myself justifying myself with self-talk, I stop and breathe. I realize that it’s okay, it can be true that the words won’t fit in, but it’s because I have to transform them to make them fit, because that’s where I as creativity step in. I commit myself to live the word Creativity as trying different approaches when I am stuck or when things seem to not fit in or go wrong. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself “maybe I am being too tough with myself, it doesn’t have to be forced”, when I actually do know that I could have done more. When and as I see myself thinking and believing that I am being too tough with myself, I stop and breathe. I realize that I have to be self-honest, because it’s me the one who is walking this, the only ‘pressure’ is my own mind. I commit myself to slow myself down through this process, so I don’t let any excuses or justifications to create self-manipulation within and as myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have conditioned myself with music genres by thinking “I always have to make this/that sort of music”, without realizing that I was limiting my expression by doing that, because I wouldn’t dare to try something different ever. When and as I see myself limiting myself by saying that I have to make/play a specific music genre, I stop and breathe. I realize that the paradigm has always been that of a band playing a whole album under the same music genre or having only a few differences (b sides), but that doesn’t have to limit/define me, because what I am creating is musical expression and that’s it, then the lyrics will do their part as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed when paying attention to the lyrics of most current popular songs, without understanding that the shitty lyrics represent the shitty minds that one have to deprogram in order to contribute with change and avoid adding more shit that ‘sounds good’, that has a ‘cool vibe’ but what it says is poop that you can dance with no awareness. When and as I see myself feeling disappointed when listening to the current popular songs, I realize that those lyrics represent their reality or at least the way they perceive their reality, where the mind has not been questioned, just accepted and perpetuated in that attempt to just feel good and entertained and have a 'good moment'. I commit myself to create responsible lyrics that can help everyone out there change their life if they are willing to apply the realizations that make sense to them.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate it when I see people singing ‘shitty lyrics that sound good’, because I don’t like how their expression changes, like becoming ‘empowered’ believing that what they are saying is cool when it’s not, because it doesn’t support life as equals. When and as I see myself hating how people become possessed by shitty lyrics, I stop and breathe. I realize that I could also make them sing and dance, and the disappointment is mine, because I have been taking too long to put my songs out there. I commit myself to continue pushing myself to soon start creating a change through music. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become dependent on how I feel to move myself in relation to music and almost everything in my life actually, without realizing that in doing that I am not being the directive principle, but my mind system. When and as I see myself feeling like “nah, I don’t want to try writing down a song”, I stop and breathe. I realize that I can’t wait until I feel like doing it energetically, because if I condition myself to that, I will continue experiencing resistance towards moving myself and making the change real. I commit myself to make the change real by writing down at least a few words when I am able to - in self-honesty - on my notebook, so I can continue moving and working with what I have here and thus, stop depending on consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to picture within my mind the moment I am already performing the new songs in front of an audience, feeling how it would be, instead of continue walking the process and finish it step by step, here. When and as I see myself picturing myself playing live through my mind, I stop and breathe. I realize that it’s not 'bad' or 'wrong' to do that, because I have learned how to use my mind practically, in terms of coming up with ideas for future shows, developing a concept, etc, but I don’t have to forget that the most important moment is now and here -- imagination has to be walked equally; as I move here, I can come up with ideas for the shows. I commit myself to use my imagination in a way that supports what I am creating here practically, making sure that I am not living in an alternate mind reality while I don’t move myself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated when not being able to control the recording softwares at will, because there are some tools where I still need to study a bit further, without realizing that I can slow myself down, breathe, give it a moment, look up for some tutorials on youtube and once clear, I can continue moving myself, ask for help or try a different way. When and as I see myself becoming frustrated because I don’t master the tools I have, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am a newbie when it comes to music production, but the advantage is that I know how I learn and I know how I can educate myself in relation to anything. I commit myself to slow myself down when becoming frustrated and do anything that has to be done to solve the point; watching tutorials, asking for help or trying something different.

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