The Healing Process [Day 215]



Within the past couple of days I have picked a tarot card and the same card has been repeated over and over again. The card that I am talking about is called Temperance. 

To me, the words that come up in relation to the Temperance are: Adaptable, Flexible, Communication, Patience, Healing, Transition and Doubt/Insecurity.

The most prominent word that resonates within myself is Healing.  It is a word that has been used for some people around me lately, articles that I have read, mainstream ‘psychology’ / ‘spirituality’, etc. 

I have learned that real healing is related to forgiveness, and more specifically; self-forgiveness — where you take self-responsibility for your mind and reactions and thus, you find practical solutions that are best for all — wherein first of all, you stop your participation in characters, especially, the victim character who loves to blame others -- and instead, you stand up as a living example of real healing — where you don’t blame but you are able to share what you have learned and how you are applying that learning process through practical actions in your life and relationships — and also in how you have turned the weaknesses or mistakes from your past into strengths.

Healing is of course related to the words Adaptable and Flexible, because after you have gone through tough times in your life, you have to accept and embrace your ‘new reality’, adapt to it and be flexible, especially with yourself — and that also requires Patience, because it is a process of Transition where you let go of all that you were in the past and instead, breathe now and here. 

Doubt and Insecurity can also be present in that healing process, because you may think “am I doing it right?”, “Will this work?”, “Will I ever be able to overcome this situation/pain?”.

But, how can you make sure that you are doing it ‘right’? Is it about FEELING better? or is it about BECOMING someone better?

Real change or real healing is NOT about ‘feeling better’, because ‘feeling’ is just a volatile illusion created by your mind programing which depends on the thoughts that you participate in  — but thoughts are not real, they are not physical. 

I know, you may say “but, there are many things in this existence that actually do exist and are real but you cannot touch, because they are invisible as thoughts, therefore, thoughts are real” — I mean, yeah, they exist in your mind, but you cannot trust the mind and your thoughts, because that’s what humanity has been doing for thousands of years and you can of course see the fuck up that that has created. Thoughts only keep you distracted and unchanged; trapped in your own illusion. 

Yes, it would be cool to think about having a better world for everyone and have it immediately. But, the more you think and think and think, it does not become REAL/PHYSICAL, otherwise we would all be magicians creating the perfect world by only thinking. 

So, real change or real healing has nothing to do with the mind or your thoughts, or your feelings or your emotions or your beliefs. Your beliefs are not even yours. Real change or real healing has to do with BECOMING someone better — and it’s not about ‘believing’ that you have become better either. Beliefs are also part of your mind programming. So yeah, it sounds like “well, so how can I really know when I have become better?” — Well, that’s a question that everyone has to answer for themselves I guess. 

In my case, what has supported me in my process of healing/changing/becoming better is self-writing, applying self-forgiveness and practical application. Sometimes the feelings and emotions are very strong and I have thought that I won’t be able to adapt to my ‘new reality’, but here I am; going breath by breath, slowly but surely becoming better at stopping my participation in my mind system, becoming better at not being defined by the way I feel to do or not do something. Becoming better at doing something about it instead of just being aware that something must be done while being passive, etc.

An exercise I have been applying for myself is checking myself everyday when I wake up in the morning. When I open my eyes I ask myself “ok, here I am again. How do I feel today? Is everything clear and stable within myself? 

There have been days where I wake up and I immediately experience strong emotions and I end up thinking and thinking and being lost in my mind. So, that’s a good opportunity for oneself to question that state of mind and stop my participation in thoughts, so I can direct my attention to other more practical things, such us getting up, making breakfast, organizing my day and start moving myself instead of remaining stuck. 

There’s always a moment where I am only with myself and no matter what I do, but I try to make sure that I am stable within myself. Because it’s very easy to believe that only by being busy distracting ourselves, going out and meeting new people we are becoming better. I mean, it can be, but it all depends on our starting point. Why are we doing the things that we do? are we trying to avoid facing ourselves? or are we facing ourselves in every moment no matter where we are or with whom we are spending time? Those are supportive questions you can ask yourself in any moment to realize who you are accepting and allowing yourself to be. 

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that if I feel good that means that I am healing/changing myself and that I am becoming a better human being.

When and as I see myself thinking, believing and perceiving that if I feel good that means that I am healing/changing myself and that I am becoming a better human being, I stop and breathe. I realize that ‘feelings’ are the illusion whereas BECOMING is the real truth.

I commit myself to stop believing that feeling better = becoming better.

I commit myself to stop believing that real healing/change is about feeling better.

I commit myself to BECOME a better human being step by step. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that if I am busy going out and spending time with new people I am healing myself and becoming a better human being.

When and as I see myself thinking, believing and perceiving that if I am busy going out and spending time with new people I am healing myself and becoming a better human being, I stop and breathe. I realize that real healing has nothing to do with the things I do, what is real is who I am within everything I do.

I commit myself to have a clear and self-honest starting point in everything I do which is not related to distracting or entertaining myself, but instead, related to taking self-responsibility.

I commit myself to stop believing that in order to become better I have to distract or entertain myself by going out and spending time with new people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that many things human beings do such as spending their free time doing different activities are just a distraction to avoid facing themselves. 

When and as I see myself not realizing that many things human beings do such as spending their free time doing different activities are just a distraction to avoid facing themselves, I stop and breathe. I see, realize and understand that I can do anything I want, but my starting point has to be clear; a starting point that I establish through self-honesty and common sense.

I commit myself to make my starting point in relation to healing/changing myself about supporting myself and others as much as I can in self-honesty and common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if the people around me tell me that I look better on the outside that means that I am really healing within myself. 

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that if the people around me tell me that I look better on the outside that means that I am really healing within myself, I stop and breathe. I realize that yeah, I can consider what other people see in me, but the real truth is my own self-honesty, because one tends to wear masks to hide our real face and it may happen that others are only referring to the mask I am wearing instead of the real me.

I commit myself to not be defined by other people’s opinions  in relation to what they see in me.

I commit myself to introspect in self-honesty the words that other people use to refer to me in relation to the way they perceive I look.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that by taking pictures of the good times I spend with others where I am apparently having so much fun — that means that I am really healing myself.

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that by taking pictures of the times I spend with others where I am apparently having so much fun that means that I am really healing myself, I stop and breathe. I realize that many people share their pictures on their social media because they want to show off or even hide how they really feel by wearing a mask when actually no picture is going to make you heal yourself unless you are self-honest in everything you do.

I commit myself to stop thinking and believing that the more pictures I upload to the social media about me and the things I do represent that I am healing myself. 

I commit myself to stop trying to show off what I do in order to have other people thinking that I am doing great in my life.

I commit myself to focus on my real healing/change instead of only focusing on wearing masks and being accepted and approved by others.

I commit myself to use pictures of me and the things I do where I describe my learning process and how I am living it practically, so I can also support others in their process instead of only showing off or presenting a mask that looks for the approval.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that in order to heal myself I have to get a new partner who brings back to me the 'hope' I have lost.

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that in order to heal myself I have to get a new partner who brings back to me the 'hope' I have lost, I stop and breathe. I realize that real healing has to do with oneself, otherwise it would be separation.

I commit myself to focus on my healing process on a personal/individual level to make sure I can first of all trust myself.

I commit myself to stop believing that real healing has to do with someone else who is going to bring me back something I have apparently 'lost'.

I commit myself to create for myself all that I perceive I have 'lost' in order to make it real and practical for myself as living words. 

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